Dark Lullaby Polly Ho-Yen (drm ebook reader .txt) 📖

pick up some things from the shops but Mimi was enraptured and so I stood by her, telling her that we would have to go soon, that we could come back tomorrow.

Of course she didn’t want to leave. Of course she didn’t want to go.

‘Here, Meems,’ I said. ‘Why don’t we get some food for the ducks? Get them something tasty from the shop. Maybe something for us too, huh?’

I thought if I could lure her away from the pond for long enough, she would forget about the ducks. If she were dazzled by the rows and rows and shelves of things in the little shop at the end of the road, she would let them go.

She held me in her gaze for a moment so I was quite sure that she understood what I was trying to do. I’m not fooled by you, the look seemed to say. Her fingers clenched a little more tightly around the bar of her pushchair and her knuckles flashed white. She looked back towards the ducks.

One of them was being chased by the others. It shook itself, ruffled its feathers indignantly, but swam on, its beak poised forwards, out of the reach of its neighbours.

‘What do you think, Meems?’ I tried again. ‘What shall we get for the ducks? Maybe some seed bars? Or an apple? They might like an apple.’

My words ran to fill the quiet where her answers might have been.

I reached out towards her fingers, prising them one by one off the bar of her pushchair until I held her hand in mine. It was cold, and I felt in my pockets for one of her mittens and then when I found none, scolded myself for forgetting.

Mimi bleated as I blocked her view of the pond. She snatched her hand back.

‘Come on, Mimi. Daddy’s waiting for us to come back now. Let’s say goodbye to the ducks.’

I waved at them feebly. ‘Goodbye, we’ll come back and see you soon,’ I said, in what I hoped sounded like a final and reassuring sort of way. I started to move the pushchair and turn it away from the pond.

The duck that was being chased had swum back to the edge of the group, as they were being fed by a mother and a child a little way away from us and were distracted by the dry bread falling around them like snowflakes. At first, they did not notice his return but then they spotted him and he was driven away again. Quacks and squawks filled the air.

‘Come on,’ I said, laughing. ‘We’re going to get cold out here!’

Sometimes changing moods could shake her.

I pushed on towards one of the pathways leading off from the pond as she yelled, and kicked and struggled.

She’s hungry, I thought to myself. She’s tired. I should never have brought her out here when she’s due a nap and a snack. Never again, I told myself.

‘It’s okay,’ I said, although by now my voice was rising shrilly.

Mimi continued to shout and scream.

There was a tap on my shoulder, but I thought at first I had imagined it. Who could be tapping on my shoulder at a time like this, when they could see that I literally had my arms full with my daughter? But then it came again. An insistent, prodding tap.

I turned around and there was a small woman, dressed in tweed, well wrapped up so she appeared smaller still. She was wearing circular glasses, which she peered out of inquisitively, and her hair was cut short, almost shorn to the skull. A faded grey.

‘What?’ I blurted out, before I could stop myself. Her head jogged backwards as though I’d hit out at her.

‘Band, please,’ she said. She emphasised the word ‘please’, as though to highlight her good manners.

‘My band?’ I said, stupidly.

‘Under the jurisdiction of OSIP, I’m issuing you an IPS at 3.04 p.m. on Tuesday 22 September for ignoring the distress of your child. Band.’

‘I was not ignoring her distress. She was just getting a bit upset about leaving the park. She’ll calm down in a minute.’

‘I timed her crying for a period of five minutes without receiving any comfort from you.’

‘Five minutes?’

‘This kind of episode could have significant effects upon her stress levels if repeated over time and can lead to anxiety and depression in adulthood.’

‘I know the thinking,’ I couldn’t stop myself from snapping back. ‘But it wasn’t five minutes and I was trying to calm her.’

‘You can appeal if you want. But I have all the footage that supports this claim and so I would not advise it. You could be given another IPS for failing to assent. It would show a lack of understanding.’

I opened my mouth to answer back but thought better of it and held out my arm, in disbelief. She pulled my sleeve up and scanned the thin silver band and then directed the scanner at Mimi too. It made a sort of whooshing sound as it read our bands.

Mimi, for a moment, was distracted by the woman and had stopped calling for the ducks but when I looked back again, the enforcer was gone and Mimi continued to cry. The ducks swam in a swarm towards the puffs of white bread behind us.

NOW

I rush towards Jonah.

‘I’ll do anything. Tell me what to do.’

I mean it. There is nothing that I won’t do for her.

‘Your sister, Evie – she gave you this address. She didn’t tell you why?’ Jonah pauses for a moment as I shake my head. He speaks so softly I have to strain to listen to him. I’ve realised that his voice has a waver to it, a soft quality as though it has been worn away over time. ‘She came here. She’s been here too. She found me.’

Jonah touches his knees lightly. He threads his fingers together, interlacing them.

‘She was right not to tell you anything. I can understand why she told you to come here, although, strictly speaking, she’s broken