The Seer Rowan McAllister (top inspirational books .TXT) 📖

“I need to know something before you go,” Ravi said somberly. “I need to know why.”

“Why what?”

“Why did you help me?”

Daks frowned. “We already talked about that. It’s my job, remember?”

“And that’s it? It’s just your job? You traveled the length of Rassa, risking the Brotherhood and the King’s Guard. You dove in to save me from the swamp when you’re terrified of drowning. And you nearly drowned again trying to get me to safety, all because it’s your job?”

Daks squirmed, uncomfortable with where this conversation was going but unsure how to stop it, especially with Ravi essentially pinning him to the mattress.

“I gave you my word,” he replied, hoping that would be the end of the conversation.

“And that’s it? That’s your answer?” He paused, and when Daks couldn’t come up with anything to say, he sighed and nodded. “Okay. That’s what I needed to know.”

Ravi climbed off him and scooted to the edge of the bed. Unable to bear the sadness and disappointment he’d seen in Ravi’s eyes, Daks wrapped an arm around his middle and dragged him back. He didn’t think about what he was doing. He simply rolled Ravi onto his back and covered him with his body. Though he was obviously upset, Ravi didn’t struggle or lash out at him, like Daks half expected him to.

“What do you want me to say?” Daks asked, his chest constricting.

“Nothing,” Ravi said without meeting Daks’s gaze. “I wanted the truth. Now I have it.”

Fuck.

Daks was screwing this up. Why did things always have to be so complicated? Especially before he’d had a chance to get some caffe’ in his system so at least half his brain would have been working.

“Why did you stay with me, Ravi? Why did you save me?” Daks asked.

Ravi met his gaze then, his amber eyes filled with cold anger. “No. You don’t get to ask me that. If all this,” he continued, waving his hand between them, “was just a bit of fun after a few hard days of work, then so be it. I would have had to be a complete idiot to think otherwise. Go make your plans, and I’ll make mine.”

That last pronouncement had a finality to it Daks didn’t like at all, and he tightened his grip on Ravi’s arms.

“Just give me a second here, okay?” Daks whined.

“Why?”

Daks growled and narrowed his eyes at Ravi. “I’ve got a lot on my mind, if you hadn’t noticed. You’re pushing me, and I haven’t even had breakfast yet.”

Ravi blinked at him for a second before he snorted out a laugh. Then he closed those oh-so-pretty eyes of his and sighed. “You’re right. You are who you are.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I’m agreeing with you,” Ravi huffed.

“Well, stop.”

Ravi cocked an eyebrow at him and just stared until Daks couldn’t take it anymore. With a groan, he pressed his forehead to Ravi’s and closed his eyes.

“I care about you,” Daks whispered into the close space between them. “Is that what you want to hear?”

“Of course I want to hear that. Anyone would,” Ravi whispered back.

“Okay, well I do. I never would have agreed to be your first if it was just about blowing off some steam. I’m not an asshole when it really counts. I told you that.”

“Okay.”

Daks blew out a breath and rolled onto his back to stare at the ceiling because he couldn’t stare into those damned gorgeous eyes anymore.

“This isn’t easy for me, talking about feelings. There are reasons I don’t do this anymore,” he admitted reluctantly, waving a helpless hand between them.

“I’m not asking you to write me a poem, Daks,” Ravi huffed back at him. “Just be honest with me. I need to know I’m not making a complete fool out of myself. That’s all. I’m not exactly an expert at this kind of thing either.”

“You’re not… making a fool of yourself, I mean. But there’s things you don’t know. Even Shura doesn’t know all of it, whatever she might have told you about my past.”

“She didn’t say much. All she said was that you nearly drowned and that it had cost you a great deal more.”

“Well, she’s guessed, but she doesn’t know. I met her after, when I was a little reckless and didn’t give a damn anymore if I got hurt.”

“What happened?” Ravi prodded after Daks stopped there.

Daks’s lips curved despite the twisting in his gut. Ravi wasn’t the kind of man to let him off easy, particularly when there might be a story involved. But Daks was no storyteller, and his hesitation had already made a way bigger deal of this than it was.

“Look, it’s not some great mystery. I just don’t like to talk about it. I fell in love a long time ago… when I was first sent to the Scholomagi for training. Jos was older than me. He had some small talent with magic, but not enough to ever earn him a spot on the High Council or anything.” Daks risked a quick sideways glance and found Ravi watching him intently. “He was originally from Rassa. He’d escaped all on his own, so that’s why he’d pushed for the program to rescue others like him from the Brotherhood. He’s the reason I got involved in it. I would have followed him to the Seventh Hell if I had to.”

The old pain had dulled considerably over the years, along with memories of their too brief time together. Sometimes it seemed like another life entirely, but if that was true, what did he have left to keep him going? This was why he didn’t look too closely inside. He might not like what he saw.

Clearing his throat, he continued, “When I fell through the ice on a mission in Samebar, I was sick for a long time. Jos stayed with me while I recovered, until he received word from his family that a cousin had shown signs of a gift. I couldn’t go with him, and he couldn’t wait until I