Lair Carl Stubblefield (bts books to read .txt) 📖

after all I’ve been through, I’ve essentially accomplished nothing,” Gus said dejectedly.

“You like to think that you’re unique in your suffering, but whether you have an interface or not, you need to ‘level up’ in life. Especially when you don’t get positive feedback like XP. More often than not, you’ll find that the harder you try to do something good and worthwhile, people will criticize you and curse your name. It’s not fair, but people rarely get what they deserve—good or bad. That’s why you have to step up, my friend. You can make the difference. But you have to change your perspective. It’s all wrong. If you’re ‘obviously’ a good guy, that’s what you’ve signed up for, warts and all.”

“Yeah, but—” Gus tried to argue, but Nick forged on.

“Have you ever stopped to think you’re not entitled to succeed at everything you do? That’s not how things work in the real world. Even with your luck stat being so high. It’s probably more of a danger to you now in your current pessimistic state than you can possibly know.

“YOU are your own worst enemy. Not your dad, not the system, not anyone. You influence the course of your life by the choices you make. I know part of you doesn’t want to accept that, but it is true. You have to stop blaming people, fate, or anyone else for your situation. It’s stunting your progress. That is what we Nth have found to make all sentient creatures their happiest. When they are progressing in a path they have chosen.”

Gus slumped at the tirade. “Nick, I’m tired of being blamed for all the bad things in the world as if they happened because of me. Regardless of how you say luck works. It’s hard to rebound after being smacked down time and again.” Gus spat.

“I wish there was a stat for willpower or grit. Something that was measurable that humans could work on to level and improve. That’s what seems to separate those who succeed from the ‘also-rans.’ Don’t quit now because you’ve encountered an obstacle, however insurmountable you currently think it to be. Adapt. Evolve. Overcome. Find your potential and surpass even that. I am on your side.” Nick emphasized the last sentence with a gravity out of character for him. This iteration of him, at least.

Gus sat there silently. Nick had kicked out the crutches he had used for so long, and hit him hard with a truth bomb. He couldn’t even come up with a valid comeback; all his justifications and excuses seemed hollow and weak. He had not really made any plans as to what he would do if he got back to civilization, other than a vague ‘I’ll show them all!’

The pressing nature of multiple crises was enough to occupy his whole thought process when he wasn’t striving to level some skill, mostly for the thrill of leveling, not to become someone who could actually do something for the world. But isn’t that what he always did? Ignore his problems, especially ones involving his inner feelings, when things became too intense. Find a distraction, and use it as a coping mechanism. He resolved to make some changes as Nick finished.

“Figure out who you really are, and what you aspire to be. Forget all your issues, whatever they may be. They occupy far too much of your self-concept, and perceived value. Every species the Nth has ever worked with have family drama. It is universal in any social creature. Are you going to step up and do something about it? Are you a whiner or a winner? A victim or a victor? How much time have you wasted by doing something you didn’t really like, with the hope that someone would think differently of you?” Nick exacted, the question not a rhetorical one by his tone.

Gus thought about his ex-girlfriend and all the things she cajoled him to do and he didn’t have the balls to resist. He thought of all the jobs he had taken, even being a henchman in the first place, in the vain attempt that his dad would see his resolve and give him the acceptance he felt he deserved. When it came down to it, he had been living a pseudo-life. And he realized that was part of the reason he was so angry. That the people who shaped his life knew so little about him and weren’t shaping it to his tastes.

The unpleasant truth of his passive acceptance of this became blatantly clear as well, and the blame rested on him, not them. They wanted what they thought was best for him, and since he didn’t voice his feelings, they continued behaving as they always did. Encouragement being perceived as nagging. Suggestions perceived as judgments and criticism of his failures.

“Too many,” Gus admitted quietly, “but hopefully less, from now on,” his voice becoming more determined.

Gus struggled to let go of the feelings of blame and victimization, but it was so hard! They were like comfortable blankets that protected him from the cold truth of responsibility. They gave him an excuse to stay the same as he always was, and justified him when something came a little too close for comfort.

Giving him just enough plausibility to remain in the status quo, changing little and staying unhappy. Not being able to precisely diagnose his own discomfort with life, but knowing that it was not one he had chosen, and cycling through depression, anger, and sadness at how the world had misjudged him.

“Gus, you’re the only one who can do anything about this situation. There’s no one else to save you. No safety net to catch you if you make a mistake. So unfortunately, the time for excuses and rationalization is over. So I ask you again, what are you going to do?” Nick asked.

Gus stood and walked toward the clearing. Reaching the forest edge, he looked out and wondered what he could do to turn the tables. From his minimap, the Dark