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it is to have a place in others’ thoughts. To hear their affectionate compassion for Evan, to see them visit me and try to cheer me up with a flower or two, or a funny story, or the little girl who brought me her new kitten to play with while her Mama visited Evan…little things that have opened a new door in my mind.

Life can be harsh and tragic. Life can be bitter. But life can also be joyous and it is liberating to understand that I don’t have to be afraid any more. That I can dare to care about those who are coming to mean so much to me. I suppose I am learning to trust. I’m not sure that I ever have fully trusted anyone since Michael. What I learned from that lesson hardened me in many ways. I realise now I built a wall around my inner emotions. Was it a bad thing? Probably not, all things considered. But now, it is crumbling. And the light that the chinks are revealing is wonderful - and frightening at the same time.

Which brings me to last night. And Gabriel.

I felt so distraught at the end of yesterday. Trouble is out there, waiting, watching, wanting whatever it is it - or he - wants. It is a shadow that lingers over Wolfbridge, and I found myself both tired, worried and angry that it should happen just as the sunlight is warming so much of me.

I asked Gabriel to walk me to my room, in full knowledge of what I would ask when he got there with me.

A new boldness seems to have crept into my personality, for I felt no shame at asking him to share my bed. I wasn’t sure how he’d respond, or if he’d refuse me. He knew he could say no…I made sure of that.

But he hushed me and kissed me, a long, sweet meeting of our mouths that melted me and turned my loins upside down with pleasure.

I knew he’d never had a woman. That I would be his first.

Such a thing…well I was nervous, to be honest. Would I have to direct him? In our other interactions, he’s been perfectly aware, so I decided to simply allow him to do whatever he wanted with me.

“Take me, Gabriel,” I said, keeping my voice low. “Whatever pleases you will please me this night.”

He smiled then, a nod and a curve of his beautiful mouth. Then he said “Gwyneth, I could not love you more than I do at this moment.”

And my heart turned over.

He undressed me, a simple matter since he’d been caring for me constantly.

He let me undress him, and once again I was struck by his amazing and extraordinary beauty. His body is muscular but sleek, like a perfectly bred racehorse. His white-blonde hair fascinates me, and his green eyes brighten as he becomes aroused.

I expect my eyes brightened too as he showed his arousal, because he has a fine example of male magnificence, rising from a soft yellow nest of curls.

He seemed to enjoy my touches, and encouraged me to play, lying with me and relaxing on his back while I explored freely. Now I understand the meaning of the brand on his backside, I can also appreciate some of the horrors he has experienced. Perhaps that inspired me to be extra-loving in my attentions, since my mouth watered for him, I took him in and loved him with my tongue and my hands, and then dared to explore beneath to his silky sac with its fragile contents.

He groaned more than once, running his fingers through my hair as he whispered my name so softly.

Finally he moved me away and I knew what he wanted. His cheeks were rosy in the candlelight, and his eyes so brilliant a green I cannot describe them.

He rolled me to my back and lay between my legs, playing with my breasts in the most delicious of ways, suckling, teasing and even pinching them - all of which gave me the utmost pleasure.

I was ready for him, my body flowing with moisture, my limbs parting…he pulled himself up onto his hands and just looked at me for the longest of moments.

I spoke his name, wondering if he was going to take me or not.

His gaze met mine, and I saw the tears. His words will be eternally burned into my heart.

“Gwyneth, I want to remember this moment forever. I want to remember how beautiful you are, and how you have changed my life.”

Tears came to my eyes as well; he shifted himself into position and began to enter me, his attention divided between my face and the place where we were joining.

He was slow, breathtakingly slow, his body taut, his expression reverent, as if every tiny movement was a miracle of sorts. Finally, he was seated inside me, his body to mine, his length swelling and stretching my inner sheath.

I gasped and made some sound of pleasure - he moved, pulling away a little, then returning on a gasp of his own.

As if surrendering to instinct, Gabriel’s body came alive and he began to thrust, slowly at first, but then faster, his loins colliding with mine in the most stimulating of places.

He was more powerful than I realised, and I found myself moving as he pounded into me. I locked my legs around his waist and clung to the bedclothes - lifting to meet his movements as best I could.

His face - how can I describe his face? He held nothing back, there was no facade nor mask. The joy, the fierce and savage need to…to fuck me. That is the best way and the only way I can describe his unique expression. And it aroused me to the point of madness. I could not get

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