Fish: A Memoir of a Boy in Man's Prison T. Parsell (ebook reader play store .txt) 📖

fuckers will judge you by who you're hanging with, who you talk to, by as much as how you carry yourself. And don't kid yourself, Tim, they're always watching." He stopped to look at me. "Listen, we can talk about this later, but neither of us has chosen a man so we need to keep a low profile."

When inmates arrived at a new prison, if they were gay or had been turned-out before, they had limited time to choose a man before one got chosen for him.

"But I want you to be my man," I said. "Can't we keep doing what we're doing?"

"Of course," he said, "but it's only a matter of time before they start turning up the pressure on us."

Under the convict code, regardless of how we may have acted, we weren't thought of as "men" because inmates believed that gays were fundamentally lacking in what they considered manhood. "It's pretty fucked up," Paul said, "because I know some stone cold killers who are also gay, but that's just how these simple-minded fuck heads view things."

"Attention all inmates," the loudspeaker blared, "Report to your assignments."

"And besides," Paul said. "Neither of us has any money, so we need to get one or two of these knuckleheads to start taking care of us."

Paul's family didn't visit, nor did they write or send any money. His job paid 33 cents a day, which came to less than $10 a month. I'd been there close to a year, but I'd only had one visit. Though now that my stepbrother Bobby was going over to Gladiator School, I suspected I'd see more of my family. I received a letter from Sharon, who said the judge gave Bobby ten years.

I told Paul I didn't care about money, or anything else these guys had to offer, but he said, "Don't worry about it. I'm going to show you how to work it-so we can use them like they've used us."

He said that first, we had to sit back and study our options-to find which guys were ideal for playing on. "You watch them carefully," he said, "and see what makes them tick. Is it love or attention? Then we pretend to give it to them. Do they have an ego? Then we stroke it. Whatever it is, once you find their weakness, we use it to gain control."

Paul showed me a letter that an inmate sent him from Gladiator School. "He was in love with me," Paul said.

I nodded.

"No! He was really in love with me. Read the letter."

I did, and the guy had signed it, with all my heart ...

"That's when you control him," he said. "Once you get 'em to care about you, they'll do whatever you want."

"Sounds like a lot of work," I said.

"This is just practice," he said, smiling. "For when we get out. Trust me on this."

I was beginning to trust him, which was hard for me to do after all that had happened beginning with Riverside. I wasn't sure I could trust anyone again, but Paul made nee willing to try. He had freed me from Moseley, and he really seemed to like me. And I liked how he looked at me with that green sparkle in his eyes-first straight in the eye, down at my lips, and then back up again.

"My skin is breaking out," I said, self-consciously.

"That's OK. I hadn't noticed."

I knew he was lying, but I appreciated his kindness.

"I'm getting allergic hives," I told him.

"I don't mind, it's just more for me to look at."

"Oh brother," I said, smiling at such a tired cliche.

"I'm serious."

"No you're not."

The loudspeaker blared: "Attention all inmates: Report to your assignments." They always made announcements twice, since no one listened the first time.

I avoided Black Diamond from that point on, which turned out to he good advice. A few days later, I saw her and another queen fooling around in the bushes next to the infirmary. Black Diamond's friend called herself Ruby, and the two of them used to argue over who gave a better head. One time, I saw them swapping a couple of guys back and forth, so they could help them decide, but the two guys who were getting blown kept coming back the next day saying they weren't quite sure.

That afternoon, I was called to Miss Bain's office. Another inmate was speaking with her when I arrived, so I waited in a chair outside her door.

"I don't know where you got this, Little John, but I think you better put it away."

Little John responded in a low voice, so I couldn't hear what he had said. Then Miss Bain said, "Listen, I'm always willing to talk to inmates, but I think you and I should take a break for a while. And I think it's time for you to leave."

I stood in her door. "Hi, Miss Bain, you wanted to see me?"

"Yes, we were just finishing." She handed Little John a pass.

I caught a glimpse of a red necklace before he closed the lid of the small box. He glared at me as he walked past.

"Thank you," Miss Bain said. "I heard you when you came in, so I appreciate your timing."

There wasn't a lot I could have done to defend her if Little John had turned violent, but my presence might have prevented him from trying something.

"Listen," she said. "I want to talk to you about what went on earlier today."

"Thanks for sticking up for me," I said.

"Well, they do have a point. And they're not the only ones who are concerned about you being on the paper."

"You're worried?"

"No, I'm not, but I did get a call from Warden Handlon today."

"That's bullshit!" I fumed, afraid I was about to be pulled off the paper.

She dropped her head and looked at me.

"Sorry, Miss Bain."

"Now you can't get any ticket while you're on the paper, or I'll have to reassign you."

"Does this rule apply to everyone?"

"Look, Tim, when Warden Handlon asked me to take this assignment, I