Pieces of Me Pua Ramona (read me a book txt) 📖

By the time she’s out of sight my heart has gotten heavier. I’m not sure who the letter is from until I see the handwriting as I open it. Dad. I hold the letter to my chest and I crumble. The last time Dad and I spoke I was so angry with him that my last words to him were “I don’t ever want to be like you.” Then a few months later Mama found him in my room. “Cardiac arrest” they said. They told her that his heart was unable to pump blood, so he passed away quickly. I didn’t mean any of what I’d said, but it was too late for me to tell him that I was sorry. I never told him that I loved him. It was the reason I moved back home after I graduated college, so I could be with Mama and to be closer to him. Losing him changed me in ways that he would be disappointed if he knew how I was treating Sina and Becca. It’s the reason why I stopped praying and gave up on love. Chrissy was the distraction that kept me busy but when she died, I just didn’t give a fuck anymore. I sit here holding on to the letter and wishing that it was Dad here instead. I take a deep breath before I begin to read.

Chapter Forty-Four

Sina

I am emotionally, mentally, and spiritually drained. I don’t know what I’m feeling anymore, but I know that I can’t trust him anymore with my love. My heart aches after his mother leaves us alone in this cold room. My heart aches when I hear him crying next to me. But a part of me is heartbroken because I know he isn’t good for me. I want to reach out to him, but I know that it’s time to let him go. We both need to heal and we can’t do it together. I lay here and watch him cry while I slowly take my heart back from him. Did it hurt? Yes it did. Was it the right thing to do? Yes, in my heart, I know it’s the right thing to do for myself. I can’t breathe and it feels like I’m drowning. I don’t want anyone to save me, I don’t want to save myself from the darkness that was taking over my heart.

Eli

Son,

Do you remember that time when you got upset with me because I told you that you were using the wrong materials for your project? Do you remember when you volunteered at one of the Carpentry woodshop and I said you were using the wrong tool? Do you remember when you got your acceptance letter for college and it was away from home, and I said why would go all the way out there when you could just attend one of the community colleges here at home? Do you remember the last conversation we had and you told me that you will never be like me? Well, Son, I knew you told a lie because you were already like me. All the other times I have questioned everything you did, or when you never asked me for help I made sure that you doubted your decisions because I wasn’t ready for you to grow up. When you told your mother and not me that you were leaving for college, I wasn’t upset with you son. I just wasn’t ready to let you go. I wanted to keep you and your mother close to me so I could protect you both from the bad things. You were still my little boy who always let me do everything for him. Even after you graduated high school, I still saw my little boy, not the man you were growing up to be. I wasn’t ready to share you with the world. Son, if I haven’t said it enough then I will say it again. I am so proud of the man that you’ve become. You may be smarter than your old man but I’m still the good looking one ;) I am proud of you for trusting yourself to leave home so you could figure out who you are and to grow. You have been nothing more but one of my greatest accomplishments Eli, and that will never change. All I ask is that you live the life that is meant for you and no one else. Don’t ever question yourself because more than likely your second guess will be a dumb one. Continue to do good in school and when you decide to come back home maybe we could work on a project together. I’ll try not to boss you around too much, and it’ll be fun so quit your complaining. 

What I want and pray for you to have is the kind of love that your mother and I share. You can’t live a full life if you don’t have the right person to share it with you Son. Whoever you choose to give your heart to will be the one who deserves it. Don’t settle for anything that is less than being in love. When you find her, and trust me you will, she will be the reason why you forget to breathe, the reason you don’t feel whole, the reason you want to be a better man for her. If I have taught you anything at all Son it’ll be for you to respect and love her unconditionally, even if she’s wrong. (But then again she’s always right even when she’s wrong haha.) Build a life with her not for her. Be her provider, her protector, and I promise you she will fight for you not against you. Listen when she speaks, hold her when she cries. But hold her heart in both of your hands, because if you let it slip through your fingers like sand,