Quiet in Her Bones Singh, Nalini (the top 100 crime novels of all time .txt) 📖

heart, but she’d never quite gotten through. Not her fault. The question of why my mother had left me had haunted me, further eroding my ­already-­damaged ability to trust.

I’d told myself she’d never have left by choice, but part of me had wondered if she’d taken the money and run, if she’d done what she’d dreamed of and started again. Without the son who was a millstone tying her to a life she hated.

A fantail flitted from branch to branch across from me, its tail sprayed out to display the characteristic fan shape that gave it its name, its eyes black buttons. A large and glossy wētā with a dark brown carapace, ­many-­legged and harmless, crawled out of the end of the log ­and—­long antennae ­twitching—­began to pick its way over the moss.

I’d sat here so long in silence that the forest had accepted me as its own.

Perhaps I’d just sit here until the world ended and I could find peace. But I shook my head the instant the thought passed through my head. Someone had murdered my mother, ended the angry brilliance of Nina Rai, and I wasn’t about to let them live in peace. They wouldn’t get away with it. And they wouldn’t get away with messing with my head.

I blinked.

Yes, that had been a verifiably unhinged thought.

My skin chilled, my breath stuck in my lungs, and all I could think was that maybe it had been me. Maybe the reason I was spiraling into the abyss was because it had always been me. I was the monster I’d been ­chasing … the monster I needed to kill.

Dread in my pulse, the first thing I did when I finally made it home was go up to my room and log in to my bank’s online portal. If I was doing drugs, I had to be paying for it somehow. But all of the transactions were ones I remembered or from obvious locations. Including the significant payment I made to Shanti every week.

My father had laughed off my offer of rent and expenses, so I’d talked her into taking it.

Making sure she had a secret fund.

I opened my snack drawer when my stomach rumbled. My hand went to the new bag of mini Peanut Slab chocolates Shanti must’ve put in there. Laughing grimly, I pulled out a couple of pieces, leaving the fudge for now.

I’d suspected Diana of doing something to her sister, for Christ’s sake.

Dr. Binchy was right about the paranoia.

But one thing was ­clear—­if I was doing drugs, I wasn’t paying for them. I hadn’t withdrawn any cash for months, so everything was on the cards and had left an electronic trail. And Thien, the only person I knew who could score drugs, never worked for free.

On the other hand, there was no arguing with the results of the blood tests.

Walking over to sit on my bed, I began to go through the meds on my bedside table. I’d already picked up all the ones I’d spilled. Now, I took out one of each, then used my phone to search online for images of them.

Each and every one came back as matching the manufacturer’s standard.

I stared at the small multicolored pile and thought about the last time I’d actually taken the whole lot. It had ­been … a while. Had I taken any before the first blackout? I couldn’t remember. I definitely hadn’t taken anything prior to my migraine yesterday.

But, since I couldn’t trust my memory, I shook out the pills from each bottle one by one, then painstakingly counted them. A strange sense of déjà vu pressed down on me. Shrugging it off, I continued on with my inventory, with a special focus on the painkillers.

There were definitely extra ­pills—­which meant I hadn’t taken them.

What else had I eaten from the outside?

The pastries with Lily. But Lily had eaten them, too. Plus I was the one who’d asked her if she wanted to come for a drive.

I’d had cake with Diana. Again, she’d also eaten the same cake.

Shanti fed me a lot, but Shanti had zero reason to make me sick enough to doubt myself. I was nice to her, and I’d made a promise to ensure my sister would never be without resources. ­But … Shanti was also the one who’d said I’d asked her to get the rat poison. I’d taken that as fact, but what ­if …

I kept her name on my mental list.

Was I forgetting anything or anyone?

Taking out my notebook, I began to go through everything in it from the start. At the end, I added in a few more notes, including about my pill inventory. The one thing I didn’t note was Lexi’s bitchy comment. Diana deserved better than for me to immortalize such stupid lies.

A knock on the door. “Aarav.”

“Shanti, come in.” Guilt snarled my guts.

She poked her head around the corner. “I just spoke to Elei. She says Alice can have visitors. Do you want to come?”

“What about Pari?”

“Oh, she’s at her friend’s ­house—­they’re doing a project together.” Shanti beamed. “We’ll pick her up on the way back.”

“Yes, I’d like to come.” I wanted to speak to Alice again, see if she’d tell me anything new.

But when we got downstairs and walked out, I hesitated. Driving myself was one thing, but having a ­passenger … “Do you mind driving?” I asked without explanation.

“Oh, sure, that’s fine.” Shanti smiled, but I could tell she was nervous. She rarely drove outside her small, familiar circle of school and the local shops.

“I’ll give you directions on how to get to the hospital. We’ll use the back route so it’s not busy.”

We didn’t talk much on the ­drive—­Shanti was ­laser-­focused on not making a mistake and I didn’t want to distract her. I gave her simple instructions well ahead of every turn but otherwise stayed silent. Her smile after she parked in the hospital lot was both relieved and proud.

“Good work. Knew you could do it.”

Her smile sparkled in her eyes. “You