Unity Carl Stubblefield (read book TXT) 📖

“I had to let all of that go. It’s toxic. It either makes you feel superior and loathe those who you deem to be beneath you, or you loathe yourself for being so broken, incomplete and unworthy. Sometimes horrible things happen and it isn’t anyone’s fault. Or it is and you can’t change it.

“I don’t want you to think this all happened overnight, either. I’m just lucky I had the time I did with my parents, Bobby, and my wife.”

“What happened with your wife?” Gus blurted before he could restrain himself.

“That’s probably a story for another time. Another tragedy, unfortunately. The real question you have to ask yourself is, ‘Do you want to be free from anything bad ever happening to you, or do you really want to be capable of handling any challenge that comes your way?’ Avoiding struggle involves no growth.

“I have gone through many painful experiences, but even if I could go back and change them, I doubt I would now. There were times when I obsessed on finding a super with a power that would allow me to go back, but with the years I have a new perspective. I know who I am better because of how I reacted to all of those challenges. The choices I made, the bonds that became deeper, the habits I formed. I was forced into the situation, but I chose how those affected me. I think too many people give their power away. Don’t do that, Gus. I would rather fail a thousand times than fail to try once.”

“I wish I was okay with my failures.”

“There are no failures. That’s good data on what doesn’t work. Accepting that, I was a lot happier, along with letting go of the notion that things should be fair. I now expect things to be hard. It changed something fundamental in my mindset. Then I was able to change how I felt. There were days when I just wanted to sleep all day, looking for the escape of dreams. If not for my brother, I may have stayed in that state for too long. When I finally confronted those insurmountable challenges, I began the process of overcoming them.”

“That really resonates with me, man. Thanks for sharing that. It gives me a lot to think about.”

BoJack turned and looked out the window, watching the rain hit the window outside the transport. “Anytime. I hope it helps, and you don’t take as long as I did to sort things out. I’m beat, so forgive me if I nod off for a bit.”

Gus nodded and turned to his own thoughts. He tried to discover what would make him happy. Really, what were his expectations before he could feel happy? He closed his eyes and tried to relax. He could feel the pressure slowly draining, like a pinhole in a beachball, but he would take any relief. After a time, he noticed that the draining stopped and he opened his eyes. BoJack sat there slumped in the seat, fast asleep.

Snapback pain hit him like a bat between the eyes.

I need to do something. This is going to kill me.

“You are correct,” Nick said. “Your brain is failing to make necessary neurotransmitters and there is no biological reason for this to be happening. I have stimulated the appropriate receptors and signal cascades, and your body is not responding. You need to do something, and soon.”

“Hey, there he is. How was the vacation, Nick?”

“It was you who was ignoring me, so here we are.”

“Sometimes you are a real pain in the ass…” Gus grumbled.

“That is only because it is the quickest way to your brain,” Nick quipped. “I would suggest Telepathy, as it has exhibited the biggest reduction in symptoms.”

“Here goes nothing. Sorry, BoJack.”

Gus activated Telepathy.

Chapter Fifty-Three

No Mercy

It was difficult to get anything at first, the experience a cross between balancing something slippery and fine-tuning a weak signal that jumped around a bit. First, he got feelings, which were all over the board. Anger, fear, adoration, worry, loss, pride, each emotion bursting into focus then warping into the next.

What is he dreaming about?

Gus felt like a ghost as a modest apartment came into view. From his point of view, he was hovering in front of a much younger BoJack, wearing plaid pajama bottoms and a T-shirt. He was kneeling in front of a sobbing young woman with auburn hair thrown up into a messy bun. Her face was in her hands and her hair had fallen forward, masking her appearance. He intuitively recognized her as BoJack’s wife.

“It’s always something. If we have any luck, it’s bad luck,” she spat amid the sobs. “First the miscarriage, now the lawsuit. I can’t win; it’s like I’m cursed.”

BoJack reached forward and held her forearms as she trembled and cried.

“We’ll make it through this, babe, we’ve been through worse,” he said softly.

“I’m just so tired. All I’ve done is try to help people, and they turn around and do this! Why is the insurance not covering this?”

“I don’t know, everything happened when the policies were renewing. They said something about the overlap of when everything occurred. We’ll fight it, don’t worry—”

“I’m already frayed to the breaking point; this couldn’t have happened at a worse time. It should be illegal what they’re doing. They have to cover us! We can’t handle the cost of a lawsuit all on our own. And that lawyer that said it would be almost a quarter of a million to defend against a case like this, even though I did nothing wrong!”

“I know it’s infuriating, but there are worse things that could have happened. We have each other, and we’re healthy. Things may be tough, but it’s nothing we can’t overcome.” BoJack looked up at her imploringly but the woman’s sobs turned to shouts. She appeared to not even have heard any of his attempts to console her.

“And telling us that we should just settle? And let them win?! It all seems so wrong. The