A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court Mark Twain (jenna bush book club .TXT) 📖

myself known. That would help us out of our scrape, without the knights. But I must proceed cautiously, for it was a risky business. I must get into sumptuous raiment, and it wouldn’t do to run and jump into it. No, I must work up to it by degrees, buying suit after suit of clothes, in shops wide apart, and getting a little finer article with each change, until I should finally reach silk and velvet, and be ready for my project. So I started.

But the scheme fell through like scat! The first corner I turned, I came plump upon one of our slaves, snooping around with a watchman. I coughed at the moment, and he gave me a sudden look that bit right into my marrow. I judge he thought he had heard that cough before. I turned immediately into a shop and worked along down the counter, pricing things and watching out of the corner of my eye. Those people had stopped, and were talking together and looking in at the door. I made up my mind to get out the back way, if there was a back way, and I asked the shopwoman if I could step out there and look for the escaped slave, who was believed to be in hiding back there somewhere, and said I was an officer in disguise, and my pard was yonder at the door with one of the murderers in charge, and would she be good enough to step there and tell him he needn’t wait, but had better go at once to the further end of the back alley and be ready to head him off when I rousted him out.

She was blazing with eagerness to see one of those already celebrated murderers, and she started on the errand at once. I slipped out the back way, locked the door behind me, put the key in my pocket and started off, chuckling to myself and comfortable.

Well, I had gone and spoiled it again, made another mistake. A double one, in fact. There were plenty of ways to get rid of that officer by some simple and plausible device, but no, I must pick out a picturesque one; it is the crying defect of my character. And then, I had ordered my procedure upon what the officer, being human, would naturally do; whereas when you are least expecting it, a man will now and then go and do the very thing which it’s not natural for him to do. The natural thing for the officer to do, in this case, was to follow straight on my heels; he would find a stout oaken door, securely locked, between him and me; before he could break it down, I should be far away and engaged in slipping into a succession of baffling disguises which would soon get me into a sort of raiment which was a surer protection from meddling law-dogs in Britain than any amount of mere innocence and purity of character. But instead of doing the natural thing, the officer took me at my word, and followed my instructions. And so, as I came trotting out of that cul de sac, full of satisfaction with my own cleverness, he turned the corner and I walked right into his handcuffs. If I had known it was a cul de sac⁠—however, there isn’t any excusing a blunder like that, let it go. Charge it up to profit and loss.

Of course, I was indignant, and swore I had just come ashore from a long voyage, and all that sort of thing⁠—just to see, you know, if it would deceive that slave. But it didn’t. He knew me. Then I reproached him for betraying me. He was more surprised than hurt. He stretched his eyes wide, and said:

“What, wouldst have me let thee, of all men, escape and not hang with us, when thou’rt the very cause of our hanging? Go to!”

“Go to” was their way of saying “I should smile!” or “I like that!” Queer talkers, those people.

Well, there was a sort of bastard justice in his view of the case, and so I dropped the matter. When you can’t cure a disaster by argument, what is the use to argue? It isn’t my way. So I only said:

“You’re not going to be hanged. None of us are.”

Both men laughed, and the slave said:

“Ye have not ranked as a fool⁠—before. You might better keep your reputation, seeing the strain would not be for long.”

“It will stand it, I reckon. Before tomorrow we shall be out of prison, and free to go where we will, besides.”

The witty officer lifted at his left ear with his thumb, made a rasping noise in his throat, and said:

“Out of prison⁠—yes⁠—ye say true. And free likewise to go where ye will, so ye wander not out of his grace the Devil’s sultry realm.”

I kept my temper, and said, indifferently:

“Now I suppose you really think we are going to hang within a day or two.”

“I thought it not many minutes ago, for so the thing was decided and proclaimed.”

“Ah, then you’ve changed your mind, is that it?”

“Even that. I only thought, then; I know, now.”

I felt sarcastical, so I said:

“Oh, sapient servant of the law, condescend to tell us, then, what you know.”

“That ye will all be hanged today, at mid-afternoon! Oho! that shot hit home! Lean upon me.”

The fact is I did need to lean upon somebody. My knights couldn’t arrive in time. They would be as much as three hours too late. Nothing in the world could save the King of England; nor me, which was more important. More important, not merely to me, but to the nation⁠—the only nation on Earth standing ready to blossom into civilization. I was sick. I said no more, there wasn’t anything to say. I knew what the man meant; that if the missing slave was found, the postponement would be revoked, the execution take place today. Well, the missing slave