Q by Luther Blissett (most recommended books txt) š
- Author: Luther Blissett
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There are five of them now. It looked like four to me, I could swear Iād counted four. Now there are five, all around him, heās fucked, the landlordās on the cobbles in the courtyard, heās clutching his head, the pot I threw shattered but at least it did some damage. And this unknown friend whoās standing there stock-still challenging them with his eyes as though heās the stronger one, and go on, say something, what was it like? what did you say before the world crashed down on my back, before that giant threw me down there?
I get to my feet and start picking up the chain, I donāt even notice myself shouting. āHey, that thing you saidā¦ About Jesus Christ and the shit-eating merchantsā¦ā
He turns around, astonished, almost as astonished as the others. The scene freezes, as though printed on a page, I nearly lose my balance, I must look like a bloody idiot.
āYeah, I agree with you completely! And now take the advice of a fellow brother: get your head down.ā
The giant who thought heād drowned me turns purple, he moves ahead, come on, come on, now Iāve wrapped the chain around my waist and Iāve got the bucket in my hand, come on, fellow, come here and lose that big fucking head youāve got on your shoulders.
Itās a dull sound, a dry thud, just one, that dents the metal and sends a rain of teeth flying through the air. He goes down like an empty sack, without a groan, spitting out bits of tongue.
I start swinging the chain around, faster and faster showing these fine gentlemen just how annoying an Anabaptist can be. The bucket hits heads, backs, itās spinning further and further from me, the chainās cutting into my hands, but I see them go down, crouch on the ground, run towards the door without quite making it, the Bucket Justice is implacable, round, round, faster and faster, Iām not holding it any more, itās dragging me around now, itās the hand of God, I could swear, sirs, the God that youāve been pissing the hell out of. Heās down, another one, where did you think you were going to hide, you stupid rich piss-artist?
A jolt, the bucketās come to a halt, stuck in the branches of a little tree that nearly goes down too.
A glance at the battlefield: uh, theyāre all on the ground. Someoneās moaning, heās licking his wounds, semi-conscious, staring at his bollocks.
The brother was sensible. He threw himself on the ground first time it came round and now heās getting up dazed, a gleam in his eyes: I havenāt done too badly as an exterminating angel.
I jump up and stagger towards him. Tall and slim, dark pointed beard. He shakes my hand too firmly, the chainās cut it to bits.
āGod was with us, brother.ā
āGod and the bucket. Iād never done that before.ā
He smiles. āMy nameās Matthys, Jan Matthys, a baker from Haarlem.ā
I reply: āGerrit Boekbinder.ā
Almost emotional: āWhere are you from?ā
I turn around and shrug my shoulders. āFrom the well.ā
Antwerp, 14 May 1538
āI became Gert āfrom the Wellā. Matthys liked to use that silly name, but he also liked to think that our public encounter had not come about by chance. In any case, nothing was coincidence as far as he was concerned, everything had a meaning in the eyes of God, a meaning that went beyond simple appearance and spoke to men, to us, the elect. Because he thought the Baptists were the elect of the Lord, the chosen ones. It was an enterprise to be taken to its conclusion, something magnificent, something final. My John from Haarlem knew Hofmann, he had been personally baptised by him, and he had read his prophecies. The Day was nigh, the day of liberation and revenge. But I immediately understood that this baker had made a different choice from old Melchior: he wanted to fight this battle, he wanted to fight it with a passion, he was just waiting for a sign from God to declare war on the wicked and the servants of iniquity. He had a plan: assemble all the Baptists and lead them out of the world, this world of servitude and prostitution to which the powerful wanted to condemn them for all eternity. Fine, but how would you recognise the elect? Matthys never tired of repeating that Christ had chosen poor fishermen as his followers and apostles, spitting on the merchants in the Temple. Because that was what it was all about: lucre, the accursed lucre of the Dutch traders. That kind of people would select the faith they professed on the basis of their own interests, and that made them a terrible enemy. The more involved the faith was with indisputable rites and dogmas, the more attached they would be to it: basically the only reason they didnāt sympathise with the Church of Rome was that its greatest supporter, Emperor Charles, oppressed them with excessive taxes and wanted to swagger about the Low Countries like a tyrant, obstructing their business deals. It was of little importance that so many wealthy merchants were sincere in their good faith: that good faith ā my Haarlem baker often said ā wasnāt enough, what was needed was truth. If good faith were enough, there would be no point in redemption: āGood faith doesnāt abolish errors: many Jews, in good faith, shouted ācrucify himā. Good faith is an idea of the Antichrist.ā
āBut even more surprising than that was the way in which Matthys had unmasked the hypocrisy of the priests and the doctors who had served up the Bible from the pulpits and thrones: that wretched theology of āmoral rectitudeā and the inevitable āhonestyā, often and gladly bestowed only by superior ranks, by the authorities.ļæ½ āThe Gospels, on the other hand, praise the dishonest, they are addressed to the prostitutes, the panders, not repentant prostitutes, but prostitutes as they are, the criminals, the dregs of the earth.ā Praise of honesty and morality was, as far as he was concerned, the religion communicated to us by the Antichrist.
āFor that reason, it was among the common people, the artisans, the beggars and the dregs of the streets, that we would find the elect, among those who were endured more than anyone else, and who had nothing to lose but their condition as the worldās rejects. It was there that the spark of the faith in Christ and his imminent return might survive, because the conditions of those people were closer to his choice of life. Christ had chosen the disinherited, the whores and the panders? Then it was among them that we would recruit our captains for the battle.ā
āWhat was he like? I mean what kind of man was Jan Matthys?ā
Eloiās question comes down slowly like the evening, at the end of that day devoted to the garden and to Kathleenās smile.
āHe was the most determined madman I had ever met. But that was before we went to Mļæ½nster. He was determined, determined enough, perhaps, to devour Hofmann and his rejection of violence. If old Melchior was Elijah, then he would be Enoch, the second witness of the Apocalypse. I had a sample of his strength when a certain Poldermann, a Zeelander from Middelburg, said that he was Enoch: Matthys leapt on to a table and subjected all the brethren assembled there to a furious torrent of abuse. Anyone who didnāt recognise him as the true Enoch would burn in hell for eternity. After which he said nothing for days. His words had been so convincing that some of our number locked themselves in a room without food or water, begging Godās mercy. It was a test of strength, oratory and determination: he won. Perhaps it wasnāt yet clear to him, but I knew that Jan Matthys was already Hofmannās greatest rival, and something else besides: he knew how to address the rage of the humble. I felt that if he learned to channel that rage, he really would become Godās Captain, with the potential to turn the world upside down and make the last the first, to give a great shake, perhaps a final one, to the fat Province of the North.
āHe had come to Amsterdam with a woman, by the name of Divara, a magnificent creature whom he jealously kept from the eyes of everyone. They said that in his country he was married to an old woman and that he had left her to escape with this very young girl, the daughter of a Haarlem brewer. So Enoch, too, had a weak point, the same one as most men, halfway between his dick and his heart. That woman always frightened me, even before she was the queen, the prophetess, the great whore of the king of the Anabaptists. She had something terrifying in her eyes: innocence.ā
āInnocence?ā
āYes. That quality that can make you be and do anything at all, it can make you commit the most terrible and gratuitous crime as though it were
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