22 && Searching by A. M. (read an ebook week TXT) 📖

 

He says he's missed me.

He's the only one that said he did.

Being drowned in school and work, it's hard to see any of them.

It’s hard to make time for myself.

He missed me though and that set me at ease.

I matter to someone.

 

 

I don’t learn until later that it doesn’t matter.

 I should only matter to myself.

 

.12 Bao part 2

 

He is leaving for a month.

He tells me he'll be back.

He'll message me lots.

Something feels different but I don't mention anything.

I trust him whole heartedly.

He wouldn't lie to me.

 

It's been 12 days.

I haven't heard anything.

I wonder where he's at.

 

 

 

 

 

You don’t matter when you’re not needed.

 

.13 Bao part 3

 

I finally heard from the second.

Stole away to Vietnam to see family.

Come back home.

 

 

 

Don’t be selfish.

People need their time too.

 

.14 Please

 

Phone is off and I can't stand the voices in my head.

I'm drowning in the deep and it's hard to keep my head above water.

I want to just stop.

I want to just stop.

I want to just.

 

 

 

 

Stop.

 

.15 Let me be happy

 

Why don't you have a boyfriend?

I do.

I have three.

They're boys that are my friends.

I get affection and time from them.

They care for me and make sure I'm okay.

But Jae that's too much. Don't you worry-

Yes. I worry.

 

 

 

But I don't care.

I’m happy-ish.

 

.16 No Lesson Learned

 

 

 

 

 

You're just using them.

They're using me too.

It's okay, as long as if I get something I want  in return.

 

It’s selfish and ugly

But it’s what I need right now.

 

Needs and wants are different.

 

.17 I give up. You win.

 

Staring at the mirror with the knife in my hand.

It's such an easy decision.

It's so easy to just put it to the skin and press down.

Blood.

I see it.

 

 

 

Let me go.

 

 

 

Wait.

No.

I don’t want this.

 

.18 Maddie part 1

 

I'm sorry Maddie.

I didn't want you to see that.

You shouldn't have had to find me like that.

I'm sorry.

 

Thank you for saving me.

I don’t know how to repay you.

 

.19 Jeremy part 4

 

He called me stupid for dropping out of school.

I couldn't bear to tell him what I had done.

I'd be called stupid some more.

Or he'd understand.

I don't want that risk.

 

I need him here.

 

People understand more if you tell them the truth.

 

.20 Maddie part 2

A night out, something we both need

Liqour and dancing

It's nice to forget

It's nice to let go

It's nice to have hands on me 

It's nice to know she'll push them away after a bit

I don't have to worry 

Even when I'm on the side of the road puking up yesterday's lo mein

 

Sometimes it's okay to be young

Sometimes it's okay to be a kid again

 

Thank you for letting me see this

.21 Riko part 1

Darling

That's what he calls me and it sounds nice coming from sweet lips

Even when we're 10 hours apart for the moment

Something seems to click right away

A door opens 

I want to see him 

He makes me forget about Jeremy 

Guilt builds

But I can't seem to mind

 

People's feelings are at play here

.22 Jeremy part 5