The Mind of "M" by M.J. Garrett (free e novels .txt) š
- Author: M.J. Garrett
Book online Ā«The Mind of "M" by M.J. Garrett (free e novels .txt) šĀ». Author M.J. Garrett
Please, you have to hear meā¦
These voices are too loud, and I canāt control the ending!
I just want you to know that this isnāt the real me!
This is the shell of the manā¦his delusional mastery
I feel this demon taking over my senses
āFUCKING RUNā¦.I CANāT CONTROL THE FUCKING ENDING!!ā
SO NOW YOU WANT TO LISTEN?
I GAVE YOU EVERY CHANCEā¦CAN YOU FUCKING HEAR ME?
I KNOW WHERE YOU AREā¦HIDE IF YOU WANT!
CAN YOU HEAR THE VOICES IN MY HEAD, IF YOU DIEā¦THEY STOP!
I DIDNāT WANT THISā¦YOU DIDNāT HEED MY WARNING
I HAVE TO MAKE THEM STOPā¦THEY ARE CONTINUOUSLY SWARMING
I CAN HEAR YOU BREATHINGā¦I SMELL YOUR SKIN IN THE AIR
THE BLOOD OF THE ACCUSED IS WHAT CARRIES ME THERE
SMILE AND KNOW THAT I DO THIS FOR MEā¦.FOR ME!!!!!!!!
THE LAST SELFLESS ACTā¦PERFORMED SO SELFISHLY!!!!!!!
King of Kings, Lord of Lords?
What has God done for you lately?
You pray everyday and you still think the world hates you?
Iām almost sure that the world donāt care
Pray out loudā¦see if anyone hears.
Do me the favor and keep your beliefs to yourself
Iāve read your bibleā¦Iāve even read theirs
All I see is philosophy not worth keeping
āTurn the other cheek....ā yeah, then spreadām for the reaping
You might put on the front that you are so holy
What secrets do you hide? You wear a pedophileās clothing?
Maybe porn has you wrapped around itās finger
Youāll still preach that porn is wrong and Iām in danger?
While at home you may find the wrong in your child
But youāll forgive everyone for worse then black your kidās eye
āItās wrong to be gayā¦youāll go to hell for it!ā
On the same page it says āraw meat is wrongāā¦donāt explore it!
But pick and chooseā¦youāll eat rare steak all day
But youāll crucify a manā¦for being happy to be gay?
Let me ask you againā¦this time, be honest
What the fuck has God done to make you so honoredā¦
To serve, to die, maybe even kill?
The creator of the heavensā¦did he give you your pills?
Did he give you your carā¦or did you work your ass off?
Did he house your kidsā¦pay your bills, maybe turn your lights on?
Give yourself the credit you think he deserves
The last time I saw godā¦I had to pay to serve!
Possessed
I find it difficult to describe the feelings that seem to overwhelm me. Itās hard to put into words. I could use excited, but then again āstokedā seems to be a better choice. Iād use angry if it could encompass the full capacity of hatred and loathing. Iād use scared if there was a single word that would mean āso fucking scared that I cried and still looked like a fucking heroā. I wish there was a word for happy that could grasp the meaning of āso overjoyed that you turned around slapped someone and then they cried tears of joy while emptying their life savings into your offshore bank accountā, but I havenāt found it. I havenāt found those profound words that fully educate you on what Iām feeling. Iāve found metaphors that helpā¦but nothing that really just blatantly allows you into my realm of emotions so that you fully understand my feelings. With that in mindā¦I figured I would write something that could give you an idea of what I go through to let you in to my world.
I wake up to see that the clock hasnāt turned
Itās 4 in the morning and Iām so pissed at the world
I want to scream so loud that the neighbors wake up
Like my girlfriend would if my wife felt her up
I look at my empty wall and it really pisses me off
I want to put my fist through it while holding my clock
I want to turn the lights on and piss everyone off
I want to yell in your face until it peels your Oxy Clean off
I want to kick down my door until it blast off the hinges
I want to pick the door up and toss it out the window
I want to turn my radio on and breath in Manson
Let out the scream of demons and hope you pay the ransom
I want to run outside in the streets and rip this shirt off
Flex like a monster, let these veins pop off
I want to kick in the window of my neighbors civic
Grab my R6, let the tires scream as it reeks havoc
Call the cops you fucking pussyās, I am the fucking law
I turned in the work, they gave me a badge to show off
I want to slap the first bitch that raises her fucking voice
Watch your man shrink as I father his boy
Iāll take all you got and Iāll ask for more
Iāll treat him like the bitch and Iāll treat his wife like a whore
Gather around and see what a spectacle Iāve become
Do you feel the raw emotion or are you just that fucking dumb
Shoot me pleaseā¦itās the only way to escape
2 to the chest and 1 to the fucking face
I canāt control this rage that flows through my veins
My heart pounds so fastā¦my chest is in pain
Watch me and see what you have to become
My eyes roll back as my skin goes numb
My fists clinch so hard that my nails pierce my palm
My head kicks back as I start to swallow my tongue
I drop to my knees as you watch in amazement
I pull a gun out and I paint the fucking pavement
Apologetic
If all you got is your history, what will we know about you?
Ask yourself the same question and see what I do
Iāll let you deep into my mind and see if you come out
Itās a deep dark hole with no exit insight
You see my earliest memories still make me faint
I was told my dad died from suicideā¦after he sniffed paint
I canāt remember, I also heard he was killed by a train
Robert Walton showed up and he took over the reign
Oh the pain he caused, I could go on for hours
Did you know he likes little boys to help him in the shower?
I bet you didnāt know that he stabbed my brotherās foot
With the handle of a brush while my brother brushed his teeth
He used to trip out on drugs and then beat us black and blue
I was only 3 when broke my leg in two
They say most boys grow to resemble their past
Do I hide these tendencies behind the eyes of my mask?
I was an introvert as a younginā scared to show my feelings
I was told ādonāt cryā but I couldnāt hold the meaning
As we moved from town to townā¦no one understood
Why I cried so fucking much and why I was so good
I never did anything badā¦but I was beat none the less
You think I would learn that the bad kids get the best
But I stayed true to myself all the way through my youth
When it came to girls I never did what I wanted to do
I treated them like queens from the very beginning
Becoming what most consider the perfect gentleman
I think the one thing that I really fucked up
I put too much pressure on these girls to help fix me up
I want to apologize to you all right now
Iām sorry Michelle, Misty, Ashlea, Sean,
Mendi, Anna, Jennifer, Lindsay
Natalie, Melissa, Jamie, Justine and Christina
I shouldāve never put the hope in you that I did
I treated you all wrong even if we were just friends
Now Iām all grown up!
30 years old and still fucked up!
I sometimes search for my youthās innocence
I feel the world owes me from all the shit I missed
I search for someone to understand my stance
Iāve found someā¦but when it comes down they canāt
Anne has become one of my only pillars
Steadfast through the shit and she never left me among the killers
Many have tried and almost all of them have failed
I donāt want your sympathy I want your help to impale
I want you to feel the pain that I feel
I want you to know the hell that Iāve been dealt
Not so you judge me, but so you understand me
I donāt see the positive, I embrace the negative
Do you really know what itās like to be cheated?
No childhood, no love, no life, just these feelingsā¦
I hide behind my eyes and smile
Can you really helpā¦you donāt give a shit at this time
Iām sure you feel I deserve what I get
My story makes yours seem so blessed
Liar, Liar...
Who am I? Whoā¦amā¦I? Hmmm, Iād have to say that I am first and foremost a dreamer. I believe in romantic comedy, although I am living a depressing melodramatic silent film. I believe in loveā¦just not for me. I believe in heroes, I just havenāt met one. I believe in green pastures and beautiful forest surrounding a comforting brook covered by cobblestone bridgesā¦but Iām too afraid to leave my house to see if they are really there. Soā¦what do I do? Who am I?
I am Patrick J. Freeman. I am the son of Walter and Alisa Freeman. Although Iāve never met my parents, I know that they are proud of me. I wear my Irish roots like a badge of honor. I listen to bagpipe music and I drinkā¦a lot. I find comfort in the smell of Irish whiskey and I live my life by the code of my ancestors. I am an easy man to talk to. I donāt pass judgment on first acquaintance and I definitely donāt kiss on the first date.
Actually, my name isnāt Patrick J. Freeman. I am not a drinker or a fan of Irish whiskeyā¦to be quite āhonestā, the smell of alcohol makes me vomit. I am not Irish. I do like bagpipe musicā¦okay thatās not trueā¦.I hate bagpipes. I have no code to live by and Iāll spread my disease willingly on a first date! Why? Because I hate you. I hate everything about you. I hate that you drive a better car than me. I hate that you have a smile on your face every time I see you. I hate that you donāt have a worry or the fact that you hide it well. I hate that your wife is amazingly beautifulā¦and you treat her like shit. I hate that your yard is covered with bright green grass and you donāt even water itā¦yet my lawn is dying and covered in dog shitā¦and I donāt have a dog!
Okay, Okayā¦I donāt hate you. I envy you. I envy every single thing about you. I love how your car is always clean. I think itās so cool that you always pick up the paper at the end of my driveway and you put it on my porch. Who does that? Youā¦thatās who! You are the perfect neighbor and friend. By the way, your wife is hot!! I love that she walks around barefooted and waves at me every time I mow my yard.
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