As The Sun Sets by Erinny Rose (read a book txt) đ
- Author: Erinny Rose
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âCome on Lana, im hungry!â moaned Bree loudly into my ear
âYou go then, just meet me back here when youâre doneâ
âIâm not leaving you alone, I will be like five minutes at the mostâ she waited for me to move myself from the radiator but I didnât budge so she gave me a little push âwhy are you being so stubborn!â she whined
âIts cold and wet and I donât like the cold, and I donât like the wet so when it is cold and wet I tend not to leave the houseâ
âBut, itâs just like a two second walk, come on!! You go out one door and the next second youâre through the otherâ
âYes but I have to leave the building, and face the weather, you go. We are in here next anywayâ
âFineâ grumbled Bree in defeat and stalked out of the room finally leaving me to my thoughts.
I looked around the now empty class room sighing, it was too much work to explain myself to people and I shouldnât really need too, I have my reasons for things and that should be enough. I sighed again now thinking about the fact my father was coming home, what did he want and why didnât he phone me? That thought made me angry and by the time it was time to leave school I was in a worse mood than I was when I left the house this morning.
âHelloâ I called as I walked through the front door, then as I took another step I tripped over something and landed flat on my face. I got up slowly trying to stop my head spinning, I could feel a headache coming on and looked around. There were suit cases every where. âAre we moving?â I wandered allowed
âNo honey, well youâre not moving.â I looked up to see my dad who was wearing his travelling jacket and holding Dylan who was also wearing his coat.
âWhat do you mean?â I asked slowly as I stared at my baby brother who was dozing lightly in my fathersâ arms
âIâm moving away and Iâm taking Dylan with meâ
I blinked stupidly at him, he was moving away? ButâŠwhat about me? âDad?â I said âwhat about me?â the question sounded childish as if Dylan had gotten a present and I wanted to know where mine was.
âWell honey, I figured that your old enough to own a house and I thought that you probably wouldnât want to leave here, so I have put the house in your name, ive paid off the mortgage, you donât have to do anythingâ he said when he saw the expression on my face âI am still going to pay the billsâ he paused then added âSorry honey, I have a car waiting, I must get goingâ
âWhat? Get going where?â
âMoving out to Japan to run the business there, sweetieâ he said as he handed a few of the suitcases to two waiting men who must have followed me in
âYour, leaving me?â
âNot leaving you love, just helping you alongâ he kissed me on the forehead then picked up the last remaining case and walked out closing the door behind him with out even saying goodbye.
I donât know how long I stood there, at first I just felt numb, I was shocked and outraged butâŠI couldnât feel it. I blinked away the tears and sniffed.
âLanaâŠare you ok?â
I turned around to see James standing at the door, I sniffed again and wiped my eyes but no matter how much I wiped my eyes the tears still flowed, I couldnât talk, I couldnât say a word, all I could do was gasp and sob in to Jamesâs shoulder. I couldnât think, I felt like some one had stabbed me a thousand times over in my chest, I felt like they had ripped a hole in my heart and left me to die.
It wasnât too long before I was aware that I was now sitting on my bed in my room on Jamesâs lap, I wasnât sure when I had moved, I was too over come, my non existent dad had just come home and taken my only source of sanity away. He didnât even ask how I was, he didnât even stay for a drink, and he didnât want to know. âHe took Dylanâ I finally managed to sob âmy dad, he came home and took Dylan!â
âShhhâ soothed James âits okâ
âNo! Itâs not ok!â I half screamed as I hit him feebly âHe took my baby brother, he took my baby!â I coughed and spluttered as I tried to catch my breath âYou donât understand James, I have raised Dylan, my dad had nothing to do with him after and even before mum died, I did all the work, I treated him as my own, I loved him as my own!â I had now worked myself into hysterics and couldnât breathe at all, âHe took my babyâ I gasped again as a fresh howl of misery escaped my lips.
âShhh, breathe, take deep breaths for me Lanaâ whispered James hugging me tightly and he held me until I cried myself to sleep.
I never knew how it would feel for a mother to be parted from her child, knowing that she would probably never see him again, and I didnât want to know, this was bad enough. I had taken care of Dylan since he was born, he was my brother but my connection to him ran deeper, he was my baby, my child, not by birth but by blood, because of the death of our mother and the absence of our father, they had given him to me, they had passed him on to me, I raised him and I loved him as a mother would love her child. Giving birth to a child does not make you its mother, even raising that child. The one and only thing that can make you a mother is love, the love you feel is unbreakable no matter what the child may grow up to be, a mothers love is unconditional, irrational and fearless, nothing can get in the way of a mothers love. My grief ran so deep, I felt like I was falling apart and there was no one around to pick up the pieces.
Chapter Thirteen
January 14th 2009, Dear diary, yesterday my dad came home, he had been away since September and hadnât even made the effort to come home for Christmas. It was a brief visit, but one that would stay with me till I die. You see my father has broken my heart, he left me yesterday, taking Dylan with him, his only son whom he had not held for more than five minutes in one go, the child he had ungratefully abandoned, his only reminder of his wife, a widowed man also heart broken had also abandoned me. He left me to raise his baby son; Dylan is now one, turned one last month. He is such an amazing child, you can never get bored around him, so full of surprises, said his first word three weeks ago he said âBaa Baaâ, he was referring to his toy sheep, which he carries around as a security blanket, I taught him to walk and I had only just started to potty train him. A bit early right? But I thought that if I started early then maybe he would catch on that bit quicker. Dear Diary, I have nothing to do now, my world had centred around my baby brother since he was born, he was my life line after mum died, he looks so much like her, he has the same colour hair, blonde with strands of brown and red and the same sparkle in his big brown eyes and the same cheeky grin. Dear diary my father has broken my heart.
I didnât get much sleep, I had exhausted myself beyond sleep and every so often when I finally managed to stem the flow of tears I remembered that James was still with me, I kept meaning to thank him but then I remembered and the tears would flow freely again. It was a long night and the prospect of having to get up for school tomorrow didnât excite me in the slightest, but some how in the night whilst I was drifting in and out of consciousness I unconsciously pushed the events of yesterday right to the back of my head. I amâŠwill be ok, I will keep my pain on the inside and not let any one know. The only one who I would allow to see me fall apart is James and that is due to his imperfect timing. I didnât know how many hours, minutes or seconds later but I was aware that it was around my âwaking upâ time, but I didnât move, my head felt like a dead weight and I could tell that my eyes were red and puffy due to the soreness I could feel around them. I forced myself into a sitting position and stared around my room, as I looked at my sofa under the window and noticed that James was curled up on it sleeping soundly I felt my chest swell up with love, he had not left me, not for one minute, he was prepared to spend all night with me, he was prepared to give up his own time for me. I prized my sore eyes away from him and decided to go and bathe, it was only seven so I could have a good hour in the tub.
âOh James, your awakeâ I said as I walked back into my bedroom rubbing my hair gently.
James didnât say anything he just kept his face on mine âWhat?â I said feeling slightly self conscious as I was only in my bra and bed shorts
âAre you ok?â he asked me slowly
âYeah, thanks.â I paused for a moment to think âJames, I want to forget last night, if you donât mindâ I said quietly staring at my bare feet.
He frowned at me âare you sure? I mean with these sorts of things its not good to just ignore, it could really mess you upâ
âQuite sureâ I answered as I sprayed on my deodorant and pulled on my orange t shirt with butterflies along the bottom
âFineâ he said still frowning, he obviously didnât like my decision.
âDo you need a lift to school?â I asked
âNo thanks, I donât need to go in on Wednesdayâsâ
âOk a lift home then?â
âThat would be niceâ he said with a dazzling smile
âThanks, by the wayâ I said blushing once we were in the car and just minutes from his house
âFor what?â he asked as he turned to look at me
âFor staying with me last night, you didnât have toâ
All of a sudden he looked angry âYou donât actually think I would have left you in the state you were in do you? What kind of friend would that make me?â
I didnât talk again until I had pulled into his driveway, I didnât know what to say to him except thank you again, so I turned to face him and his answering gaze shocked me. He was staring back at me with blazing eyes, it was obvious what he was going to do, but my brain had gone in to slow motion and I reacted a little too late, his right hand was already placed gently on my cheek and he was pulling me in, I closed my eyes as his soft lips touched mine. The electricity was threatening to take over, it was overwhelming
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