Dear Edward by Heather Parsons (ebook pdf reader for pc TXT) 📖

Your bleeding!” Brianna rushed over to him, putting her hands up to show him she meant no harm. She'd only come this way because it was her own personal escape from the pain.
Edward opened his eyes, looked down at his hands and shrugged his shoulder's. Hitting a couple of trees to release the pain he felt was worth the little amount of blood he had.
“Do you want me to get someone, maybe they can help?” She asked inching closer to him. The way he stood was similar to how her dad had stood the day he'd hit her and she wasn't about to let it happen again. Meaning to or not.
“It's not that bad, I'm fine.” He said sitting back down to steady himself. Feeling foolish for someone seeing him act this way and most of all for her seeing him this way. Hoping and praying that she hadn't seen him lash out, screaming and crying. Please say you didn't see that, he begged in his mind.
Defeat spread through her seeing him fall, she'd failed in making him feel welcomed, making him feel that she truly believed it was a good thing that he was back. What should she say? What could she say? Nothing came to mind but her legs moved her forward and she held him like before. Holding in the memories of her mother, of Adam and let him cry on her shoulder.
“It's okay. I understand.” She said and meant it.
His cries were soft at first but soon they rocked both of them and she never let go. Never allowed him to feel as if he was alone in his time of need, she'd never do that to anyone, even if she was the one that needed it most.

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Finding himself wondering around, hands balled in fists, Jason couldn't see past his own fears. Images invaded his mind every time he'd close his eyes, pictures of fellow soldiers, their faces, the blood, the screams. He was losing his mind. He knew in his mind that he was at home, safe, but every back fire had him dropping on his belly, crawling through the dirt and scanning the grounds for the enemy.
Every person that passed by him, he'd look twice at to make sure they weren't enemy soldiers coming to finish the job. There were only two people who he saw that he knew they were who they were, his father, John and Brianna. But everyone else was questionable, even the soldiers that returned home with him.
He'd find himself calling them to arms then trying to figure out why they weren't listening. Why they would ignore his commands. Screaming their names in the dark only brought the images that much clearer, the smell that much stronger.
John couldn't stand seeing his son this distort, he called the hospital and arranged for Jason to spend quality time with therapist who knew a lot about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD for short. Because every night Jason would wake up, screaming was one more night John feared for his son's safety. Jason was unstable and it was only getting worse. He thought most of the times, no matter who was with him that they were still fighting. Brianna had been hurt by Jason pushing her down, to get her out of the way, as he put it of enemy fire.
He couldn't think for himself, couldn't figure out why everyone was making such a big deal out of him trying to protect the ones he'd loved. Why was that so hard to hear? Why would they think just because he wasn't in war that he'd stop protecting them? Jason didn't understand any of it but went along to please his dad.
Brianna came by some times but Jason insisted she leave. He didn't want her seeing him weak, didn't want her thinking he couldn't protect her, didn't want her to love him less because of what he was now.

FOURTEEN

Therapy sessions, listening to Doctor Tracey Davis say things like having loved ones around will help him. What a bunch of bull, he thought. Having Brianna or his dad anywhere around him only brought on more paranoia. Fear that he'd loss them the same way he'd lost so many others.
Jason stood up in the middle of his session and walked out. Slamming his fist s against the wall because this woman, this supposed doctor knew nothing of what he was going through, she'd never been anywhere where her life was in danger and who in their right mind gave her the idea that she could treat others. Ignorant woman, he thought. Ignorant and stupid.
After leaving the doctors office Jason ran into the last person he wanted or needed to see at this moment. Instantly hating himself for what he was about it do but despite his feelings he needed her to leave, to not see him this way. His anger was at the boiling point, ragging to escape and the last person who deserved it was Brianna.
And this way the battle inside him began. What was the right way and what was the wrong way to do this? What could he do to make her see reason, to make her understand?
“Brianna you need to leave, it's safer if you just walk away.” He said as calmly as he could, his rage building up and his entire body was shaking. But when he met her gaze, he blew, “God what the hell do I have to say to make you leave, Brianna! Would saying I don't love you, I don't care about you and I don't want to see you again. Make you leave!”
His hands balled up in fists, ready to swing at her if she didn't get the picture and God he didn't want to. Struggling within, Jason fought back the urge and watched what his words did to her. Watched her try to hide the pain his words caused, watched her fall apart right before his eyes and at this moment, hated himself for it. Everything he'd fought for came falling down.
She stood a foot away, pale as a ghost and thought, this can't be happening. The person she loved most in this world, who was still alive, who she could touch, could hear his heartbeat, see his smile and know he was real, couldn't have said this. But the deafening sound of her heart told her otherwise. She watched his breathing become heavier, his hands shake terribly and was horrified. Flashes of pain and anguish shot across her piercing heart, causing her to stumble back and brace herself.
“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you. It's all my fault this is happening and I'll leave you alone.” She whispered, stumbling to run away before he could see how much she hurt, how much his words tore at her healing wound.
He watched wide eyed, the girl he loved, the girl he'd give his life for run away, broken. But the thing that beat him down the most was why would she think it was her fault? Why did he feel like screaming? Jason wanted to run after her, tell her he lied, tell her he loved her and would never hurt her again but it would be a lie.

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Hours had gone by, the sun was setting and no one knew where Jason or Brianna was. John sat panic stricken in his living room waiting on news from friends who had gone out to look for them. Scared to death, he sat forward grabbing his head and thinking he'd finally been able to get her to release her pain but here she was gone again. Did he push her over the edge? Causing her more pain and grief when all he wanted was to help her, get her past everything, to live again.
Lindsey and Chase ran inside John's house relaying news that they'd found Jason, he was at the park but wouldn't budge. “John we found him but he wouldn't come back with us. He says he did something terrible and doesn't want to leave where he's at. Says he deserved whatever he has coming.” Lindsey couldn't begin to understand what that meant but the look on Jason's face, terrified her.
“Did he say anything about Brianna?” John asked in hopes that he did. It would give him more of a chance to find her, to help her. He just didn't want to face the fact that he'd never see her again.
“We asked but all he did was cry. John do you think he did something to her?” Chase said while holding Lindsey, her lower lip quivering at the thought.
John wasn't sure how to answer that question. With everything that's happened to Jason, how does he answer that? How could he think his son would hurt her? Questions kept popping up in his mind, answers nowhere to be found, desperation setting in.

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Stumbling on everything in sight, Brianna made her way back to the one place she'd always found answers, the one place she felt the safest, the cemetery. Kneeling down in front of both graves, she whispered, “there's no one I can talk to about this. I thought seeing Jason would be the best day of my life and it was but things have changed. He doesn't want me around him....he doesn't love me....he pushed me away. Mom I'm scared to be alone, I'm scared of what I might do. I don't want to die but I can't go on living this way either. God knows I'd give anything to see your face right now, I need you so bad. I need you to hold me and say everything will be okay. That dreams really do come true.” She wiped the tears out of her eyes and closed them.
“Am I doing the right thing by staying away from him? Please I need to know, will he be okay, will he be safe? Dad you always knew the right things to say to me and now I'd loved to hear them again. Anything would do, just a whisper, a sound, anything.”

~♥~♥~♥~♥~♥~

Laying in bed with his eyes wide open trying hard to keep the images of what he did earlier out of his head. Edward couldn't believe he'd broken down and cried on Brianna's shoulder, him of all people. Normally he'd keep it to himself, hide away or shield himself but the way she talked to him, told him it was okay broke through his barrier.
Giving up on sleeping, he sat up and stared out the window, looking at nothing in particular and seeing so much. There were a few people still out at this time of night and none