Crossing the Mirage: Passing through youth by BS Murthy (classic reads .TXT) 📖

up the staircase on the side, she came down half way, welcoming me warmly. After my introduction to her parents in glowing terms, as we found ourselves alone in the drawing room, I ogled her charms and she behaved endearingly. When I wanted to know more of her, she just fluttered her eyes but as I pleaded with her to take me into confidence, she was in tears. Seeing my concern for her written all over my face, she composed herself soon. Apologizing for spoiling the party, she blamed her father for her plight. Maybe, as I couldn’t solace her with my hands, my enamored eyes took it upon themselves to embalm her with empathy. When she said she finds my company comforting, I felt the seeds of love sprouting in my bosom. After extracting a promise from her that she would tell me all, I bade her good night. When I stepped out into that by-road in the Lake Market, I felt she was as evocative as Cal itself.”

“Did you tell her about your first impressions of her?” asked Chandra.

“I haven’t, but I don’t know whether Gopal told her,” said Sathya applying his mind. “After all, when it comes to women, men have their petty jealousies and tentative designs. Now I wonder whether her ill-treatment of me had anything to do with her hurt vanity! Anyway, how does that matter now?”

“Why, is it quits or what?”

“No, my love is in the bind as her fatal attraction is holding me in a vice-like grip,” said Sathya having a sip as if to extricate himself from that. “Now I realize, if love makes you blind, passion robs you of your reason as well. Add sentiment to that and you would have a deadly mix that afflicts life itself. That’s what happened in my case. As I told you, I didn’t find her physically attractive, to start with, that is. But as her intellectual qualities stimulated my romanticism, I found her irresistibly attractive, what with her flirting   fuelling my desire further. Though I began craving for our romantic union, somehow, I was sure it was not love. Neither was it lust. I was conscious about that when I went to her house that evening but our interaction seemed to have affected my ethos itself.  I fell in love with her then and there and I was aware of that when I left her. I was familiar with the changes love brings in the heart for I loved and lost more than once before. When I met her at the office the next day, I experienced the joy of seeing a beloved. But she told her tale of woes, in bits and pieces that too after much of prompting and that exorcised into pitying her.’

“What’s her story like?” asked Chandra seeing the similarities in their love stories.

“To make a long story short,” said Sathya enigmatically, “she and her younger sister were born to the old man’s second wife. Cut up with their father for his second marriage when their mother was still alive, her stepbrothers severed all ties with them. So, after his retirement, as her father came to depend upon her earnings, he was averse to her marriage. What’s worse, he made a nuisance of himself by throwing tantrums at trivial matters. The only silver lining in her life is her uncle, an Appraiser in the Customs Department in Cal. It’s he who got her this job and others before it. Well, I’d seen him a couple of times in our office.”

“I found her story moving?” said Sathya gulping from his glass, “and feeling she was a jewel-in-the-gutter, I was seized with an urge to wash her afresh with my love. So, on an impulse, I proposed to her but she was not prepared to accept though she said she couldn’t have hoped for a better man for husband. Well, to shore up my sagging morale, she blamed her misfortune for she couldn’t take a hand like mine. When I said even after our marriage, she can support her family; she said her predicament stemmed from a different ailment, and   being pressed, she came up with her own love story.”

“To tell you the truth,” said Chandra seeing their love stories run on parallel tracks, “I thought as much.”

“Imagine her being in love with the self-same uncle from her childhood,” continued Sathya without apparent jealousy. “Since her father refused to marry them, he waited for her for years, hoping that the old man would yield in the end. With the passage of time as her father became more of a parasite on her, she prevailed upon her uncle to marry another. Though deprived herself, she derived the satisfaction of seeing him turn into a family man. But as his wife and children couldn’t wean his mind away from her, her uncle was stuck with her emotionally. So, they are bound thick and thin in a platonic relationship.”

“What a catch,” said Chandra having sensed the parting of ways of their love stories, “what’s there left to pursue anyway!”

“What was the judicious Yudhistar left with when he pursued the game after he lost his kingdom and pawned his siblings as well?” said Sathya as though he was addressing the question to himself. “Oh, didn’t he think it fit to bring their common wife to the table as stake? Life and logic don’t seem to mix at all, and coming to my affair, I told you that it was empathy that ruled my heart when I proposed to her. But her platonic plight only furthered my sentiment and enhanced my resolve maybe for I found it challenging to win the heart of a woman in love to assuage my ego of being a ladies’ man. Somehow, it had always been the recurring theme of my daydreams, probably borne out of my confidence, or is it vanity, to win over women. I always knew I could attract women if I chose to, but somehow I cold-shouldered the girls who craved for me. Maybe, it is their curse that haunts me now making me unlucky in love! I do feel that my fate and psyche together played the part when I made up my mind to win her over and make her my wife.”

“I always wanted to be a ladies’ man myself but sadly couldn’t,” said Chandra nostalgically. “I am glad to have met one and I want to hear all your stories in time.”

“Why not, but let this story take a proper turn though I don’t see it happening for now,” said Sathya lighting one more Four Square. “No denying, I went to ludicrous lengths to win her love and approval that compromised my position at the office. Yet as she remained unrelenting, I wanted to give up in frustration and my parents too began looking for a girl for me. When my mother suggested a match for me in Cal, Kala goaded me to see what would come out of it. Touching the dead end by then, I decided to look for a bend in my life.”

“What an interesting turn,” said Chandra as he got up. “Now show me the toilet before you take me on the bend.”

 

Chapter 17

Turn for the Worse

 

When they returned after relieving themselves, Sathya resumed the saga of his intriguing relationship with Kala.

“The next day however, she came to the office ashen and I was shaken to see her thus,” said Sathya, seemingly confused   as Chandra lit his Berkeley for exhilaration. “What followed gave an unexpected twist to my own destiny and perhaps to hers as well. She said that she hadn’t had a wink the whole night unnerved by my tentative move to leave her and that made her realize that no one loved her more than me. When she tried to visualize her life without me she said that she found it would be but a void. She said she knew how badly she needed me.”

“Oh what twists and turns!” exclaimed Chandra.

“When I reiterated my offer to marry her, she said she needed time to make up her mind,” said Sathya with a sense of resignation. “I agreed to wait and she said she couldn’t promise at that stage and even warned me that I might even end up with the wrong end of the stick. I told her I would   take a chance, for I wanted nothing more than her hand.”

“This twist in our tale gave me hope and caused despair like never before,” he continued, filling his glass all again while Chandra was yet to drink the previous dose. “I tried in every way to influence her decision and suffered all the more for that. Believe me, the devotion I showed in espousing her cause bordered on tapasya. I sought the blessings of every deity to help me become her man to make a difference to her troubled life. Oh, can I ever portray my suffering as I prayed for her happiness and how stupid had I turned in my mission to rescue her? Imagine my going to a tantrik for guidance in making her my wife! Oh, how I became insane and smart that she is, she once said the kumkum I gave her could be a talisman! But still she applied it on her forehead saying such things won’t affect her. What a shame I brought it upon myself.”

“Oh. God! What suffering!” said Chandra truly affected, and as if to lighten the pain he felt for Sathya, he emptied his glass at one go.

“Well, suffering seems to be the bane of unrequited love,” continued Sathya dejectedly. “But still I wonder how I endured the countless humiliations she meted out to me rather unremittingly. Came a holiday, for hours on end I used to stay rooted near her house just to have a glimpse of her at the balcony, and she knew that. But what to say, every time I used to return without seeing her, though I used to hang on there till my legs could hold no longer. Why, after that memorable evening, she seldom invited me to her house, leave alone going out with me for a treat. That was even when her uncle was out of town.”

“Oh God,” said Chandra, “how unfair to love itself.” 

“Well, Gopal felt the same way,” said Sathya, “why he  said it was cruel  on her part to treat me so shabbily. Oh, what fuss she used to make before accepting my loving presents in keeping with her tastes! Why, she left the Kashmir shawl I gave her in the office drawer for days together and I had to go on my knees to make her take that home.”

“Why, it’s like the police syndrome!” said Chandra. “Harass and then ask to pass under the table.”

“Once I said as much to her and she made a friend of hers to talk to me,” said Sathya in a trance. “Her friend, Gomathi, said Kala has a golden heart with a troubled mind. She said that given her state of mind, Kala can be expected to act quite cranky and she needs all my sympathy and understanding. She said she believed that with my abiding love, I could wean Kala away from her self-defeating love and provide substance to her empty life. Gomathi said she was confident that my love and perseverance would save the day for her friend in the end. Wasn’t it just what I wanted to hear all along? Gomathi’s testimony only strengthened my resolve to make Kala my wife. Whatever I fail to understand her and she remains as much a puzzle to me as the city she lives in.”

“Keep in the limbo sort, isn’t it?” said Chandra in apparent suspicion.

“Isn't it possible given her confusion?” said Sathya after deliberating for a while. “And to add to my woes, my boss, who detested me, had his own agenda to fix me. My brewing involvement with Kala, that was a common knowledge at the