Finding London by Ellie Wade (best pdf ebook reader .txt) 📖

I haven’t been adopted because my grandparents are looking for me to take me back to London.”

She laughs. It’s a deranged sound, and it sends unpleasant chills down my spine.

“No one is coming for you. Are you that stupid? Your grandparents have long forgotten about you. They left you. Even your own flesh and blood didn’t want a piece of shit like you. There’s only one reason a boy your age is still in foster care, and that’s because you’re worthless. The state has to pay people money to put up with you. You’re lucky that there are people like us, willing to take you in.”

“I don’t need you.”

She takes a step toward me until her thin finger is in my face. I can smell the stale rot of her breath.

“Yes. You. Do.”

I hate this woman before me. I hate her more than I’ve ever hated anyone. I despise her more than Jessica, and up until this moment, she had hurt me deeper than anyone else. But, now, the stupid witch Bev has taken the most evil crown. She earned it fair and square. In one breath, she managed to take the little bit of hope that I’d had left, and she obliterated it.

A frail combination of hope and love was all I’d had left. I’d held on to it like a shield, and for years, it had kept me going. It’d turned me into a survivor. I’d learned quickly how to navigate this horrible nightmare I’d been living in. Like a badge on my chest, I’d worn the knowledge that they would come, and it had given me strength to keep going day after day. I’d only had to make it one more day because, the next day, they would be here to save me.

Hope is a powerful thing. It always kept me fighting for every tomorrow.

I’d believed, and because of that, I had known that tomorrow would eventually come. And when it did, it would be worth it.

All of it.

My grandparents would be my saviors, and they would take me to London—a little boy’s vision of heaven, happiness, love.

I always believed that they were out there, fighting to rescue me, but the witch is right. No one is coming. No one is going to save me. Love is a joke, and London’s a lie.

The only person I have looking out for me in this world is me. I’m furious that it took this evil person before me to tell me with such bluntness before I got it, but I hear it loud and clear now.

She’s totally right. They’re not coming for me. They never were. The only two people left on this earth who were supposed to love me have left me completely alone.

I have no one.

I haven’t had anyone for a long time.

My heart shatters beneath my aching chest. I can’t believe I never saw my reality for what it was. I suppose I had to believe—at least when I was younger—so I would have the strength to get through each horrible day. Maybe my mind is finally ready to accept the truth because I’m old enough now.

I don’t need to suffer in these homes until I’m rescued. I need to save myself.

Complete clarity envelops me. For the first time since I stepped foot in Dwight and Stacey’s home when I was seven years old, I have control—or at least, I will.

I don’t bother to say anything else to Bev as I step around her and march to my makeshift bedroom, which also houses the thirty-year-old washer and dryer. I shoot a quick glance behind me to see if anyone followed me. I’m relieved when I see that no one is there. It wouldn’t have mattered, but it just makes things easier.

Before reaching my sleeping space, I duck into Sarah’s room. “Hey,” I whisper.

Startled, Sarah whips her head up from the book she’s reading. Her long, curly strawberry-blonde hair swooshes over her shoulders, and her big blue eyes are open wide.

“I’m leaving. Come with me.”

I don’t know why I’m including Sarah in my plans. I need to focus on myself. But something deep in my gut tells me not to leave her here. This place is slowly killing her. I barely know her, but I know that much.

“I…I can’t.” She shakes her head.

“Look, I don’t really have a plan, but we’ll figure it out. I don’t want to leave you here, alone…with Carl.”

Her body visibly shudders when I say his name.

“Please come with me. I won’t hurt you. Grab a bag. Pack the essentials—clothes, toiletries, your personal stuff, a jacket, and maybe a blanket, if you can fit it. Just get what you can carry. We’re leaving in ten minutes.”

She stands, and I exit her room before heading to mine.

This is insane. My behavior is completely reckless, yet this is the happiest I’ve been in a long time. Hope grows in my chest, and it’s not of the delusional variety. I’m taking control of my life, and regardless of what happens when I leave this house, it will be of my doing. Who knows? Maybe I’ll starve to death. But who freaking cares? It will be because of my actions and no one else’s.

I feel a wave of caution come over me as I think about the fact that I’m involving Sarah in my rebellion. But then I realize that she’d probably rather starve to death than stay here with Carl any day.

I’ve packed up all my belongings into a backpack and my duffel bag. I’ve even managed to swipe a blanket and pillow. Something tells me that I’m going to be glad I did.

In the bathroom, I find several unopened toothbrushes, a brand-new tube of toothpaste, deodorant, and shampoo, so I take them, too. I have no idea what I’m doing, but I’m trying to think of things that I’ll want the most while homeless. I realize that food will probably be at the top of that list, but I know that good old Bev isn’t going to let me raid her pantry when I leave, so I’ll have to figure out the food issue later.

When I pack everything that I think I need—at least the items I have access to—I meet Sarah in her room.

“You ready?” I say in a low voice.

She looks terrified, but she nods her head.

“I got some bathroom things, but did you grab stuff that you’ll need, like a brush or something?” I have no idea what goes into being a girl, but looking at Sarah’s hair, I know a brush must be involved.

She nods again.

She’s so sweet. I hardly know her, but I feel like it’s my duty to protect her. I think that involves being honest.

“Look, I don’t know if I mentioned this before, but when we leave, we’re probably going to be homeless.” I think that seems important to mention.

The corners of her lips turn up slightly, and if I’m not mistaken, for Sarah, that’s like a smile.

“I know,” she answers quietly.

“And you still want to come?” I decide to give her an out.

She nods once more.

“And you packed everything you think you’ll need for a life on the street?” Okay, I admit I’m being a bit dramatic.

For all I know, we’ll be picked up by the police before we get a mile away. But the mere chance that we won’t is so exciting.

“Yeah, I think so,” she answers.

“You know, I know we’ve only known each other for two days and all, but I sense a lot of trust growing here,” I kid.

I actually joke, and she giggles softly, which leads me to one of my ultimate goals in life. I will make Sarah I’ll-Ask-Her-About-Her-Last-Name-Later laugh at least a few times per day. I’m liking this new version of me.

I stretch out my free hand, and Sarah grabs it. The two of us walk toward the front of the house. As we get closer to the living room, she squeezes my hand. I squeeze hers back, trying to reassure her that she’ll be okay. I am not leaving this place without her.

“What do you two think you are doing?” Bev shrieks over the TV.

“We’re leaving,” I say firmly.

Bev cackles. “And where do you think you’re going?”

“Doesn’t matter. Not here.”

“You aren’t going anywhere!” she yells.

I ignore her and continue to walk toward the door.

“You stop right there, you little shit.” Carl’s voice booms from behind me.

I turn to watch him lifting his fat ass out of the chair.

“You can leave all you want, but you’re not taking her with you.” He storms toward Sarah.

I feel her quiver beside me.

I let go of her hand and step in front of her. “If you touch her, I will kill you.”

My threat doesn’t faze him, and he continues toward us. I’ve recently grown a lot, but Carl is still bigger than me. I might be able to take him though. He’s pretty out of shape. I decide to play it safe, and the second he’s close enough, I swing my leg back and kick him between the legs with every ounce of strength I have. He immediately falls to his knees with a howl of pain.

“Stop!” Bev screams, charging toward us.

I raise my fist like I’m going to punch her, and she stops.

Her eyes bulge, and she breathes heavily. “You are such a worthless piece of shit,” she spits out.

“Fuck you. This piece of shit is already so much more than you’ll ever be. And you’d better tell your husband to keep his dick in his pants. I will be watching you. If I find out that he’s hurt another girl, even once, I will murder you both while you’re asleep, and I will make sure you suffer,” I say in the evilest voice I can muster.

It must do the trick because her eyes go wide with fear.

With this, I grab Sarah’s hand, and we run out of the house. I’ve never said so many swear words out loud in my life, and it’s so invigorating. I totally lied to Bev. I don’t plan on ever coming within thirty miles of this place again, nor could I ever kill anyone, but I hope I was convincing. I hope I scared her enough to have a serious talk with her child-molester husband.

Sarah and I run, hand in hand, until our chests ache, and our lungs burn. Finally, after what seems like miles, we stop. We stare at each other, wide-eyed, and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that we are a little scared. But when our gazes meet, we bust out in sidesplitting laughter. The two of us laugh until we have tears streaming down our faces.

Eventually, just like we ran ourselves out, we’ve laughed ourselves out.

Sarah holds up her fist and says in a low voice full of mirth, “I will kill you.”

She sounds more like Arnold Schwarzenegger as the Terminator than she does me, but it brings a genuine smile to my face.

“What? I didn’t have you convinced?”

“No, but I think they kinda believed you. That’s all that really matters.” She shrugs.

“True.” I smile at this girl in front of me.

Already, she’s so different. It’s very strange what a little bit of hope and control can do for a person.

I understand what