PRECARIOUS by Robert F. Clifton (ebook reader macos .TXT) 📖

of Wildwood, New jersey to the general public, particularly in the Philadelphia, area.

She enjoyed her work and her position. So much so that there were times when the planned meetings with Robert had to be delayed, postponed or canceled altogether. This, of course, upset him. When it did paranoia raised its ugly head and he began thinking that in some ways he was beginning to lose her.

When he complained she assured him that he was imagining things. She mentioned that her work was just as important to her as his study of law was to him. When she did that he calmed down and alone together he held her tightly in his arms, afraid to let her go.

At a break from law school during the holidays, Robert was able to spend more time with Janet. Unfortunately. The municipal government of Wildwood only gave time off for Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. Still, she made as much time as possible to be with him. On Christmas Eve he gave her a silver bracelet. She give him an album of the recordings of

Scheherazade, one of his favorite, symphonic suites. When he took her in his arms he whispered, “Thank you. I love you so very much.”

She raised her face, took his face gently in her hands and kissed him. “You’re welcome. I didn’t know whether to get you this or an album of Cole Porter tunes. I hope I made the right decision,” she said.

“You did. I have most of Cole Porters songs,’ he answered.

“Do you have a favorite?”

“I’d have to say, it’s Begin The Beguine.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. It has a certain mystique about it,” he replied.

“Maybe it’s sexy.”

“Could be. One seems to think of it taking place on a beach in the tropics when listening to the lyrics. Of course, that’s only my opinion,” Robert answered.

“Tell me something?”

“What?”, he asked.

“When do your classes start again?”

“Monday, January sixteen. Why?”

“I was just wondering how many more days you had left on the break. You have all that free time while I’m mostly confined to the office.”

“I know and just the thought of us not being together all of that time drives me crazy.”

“Well, let’s talk about New Year's Eve,” she said.

“Where would you like to go to celebrate?”

“I’m more or less obligated to attend the party being held by the local Chamber of Commerce.”

“Not the most romantic situation I can vision,” he replied.

“Will you go with me or not?”

“Certainly.”

“Good, then that’s settled.”

***************

At approximately eleven thirty PM on the evening of December 31, 1949, Robert Sayer stood alone in a corner of the room. In his hand he held the now, warm glass containing Seagram Seven mixed with Seven Up, a drink he had requested from the bartender three hours ago. The collar of the white shirt he wore felt tight around his neck. He wasn’t certain about his necktie. Did in go with his Gray suit? Was it tied correctly? Was it too long? These questions kept coming to him as he watched person after person approach and talk to Janet.

He was both jealous and angry. He wanted this time at the party to be spent with her and her alone. As those feelings increased he felt the heat of his body rise caused both by the many people in the room and his sensitivity. He tried to fight those feelings. He loved her. He wanted her and the thing he didn’t want to do was become possessive. It was difficult for him

wanting her only to himself, yet knowing that he had to let her be herself. She had family, friends, a profession, all of which were part of her life. Still, he wanted her life to be all about them, them together.

Janet finally broke away from those that wanted to talk with her. She looked around the room, saw Robert standing in the corner and walked to him. “You don’t appear to be having a nice time,” she said.

“I’m not.”

“Why?”

“ First of all, I don’t know these people, have nothing in common with any of them and as far as I’m concerned this isn’t

a party. It’s a business meeting. It’s a get together of merchants who come here to say, “You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours.” They all may be wearing paper hats pretending to be here to celebrate the New Year, but it’s not a celebration event. It’s a commercial event.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way.”

“Where’s the music, where’s the fun? there’s no orchestra, no band, hell, there isn’t even a disk jockey with a stack of records. Party my ass!”

Janet stood silent for a moment, then spoke. “I’ve never seen you like this. Did you ever stop for a moment and look and see that this is about me and not you? We can’t always do just what you want to do, go where you want to go, make love when you want to make love. I’m an individual, a person, someone, but not someone who will become just an object told what to do and when to do it, told when to come and when to go.”

Robert swallowed hard, then responded. “I’m sorry. you’re right of course. Forgive me, please, it’s just that I wanted you all to myself, particularly tonight.’

Janet fought the anger that had been created by Robert’s actions and words. Her red face, flushed in anger slowly returned to normal. Her heavy breathing subsided. When it did they both heard a masculine voice say loudly, “Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three two, one. Happy New Year!”

She went willingly into his arms and after they kissed, he said, “Happy New Year, darling.”

She looked at him and smiled.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Two

War

 

Near the end of May 1950 Robert Sayer finished his law studies. Ahead of him was the New Jersey Bar examination. He was ready for it. Since the exams weren't until after Labor Day he thought that he had plenty of time to refresh his knowledge, by once again studying his books and notes. Once he passed and was admitted to the bar he expected to work for a time and eventually be able to practice law in court. When he was making a living wage he intended to ask Janet to marry him.

On June 25, 1950, the North Koreans crossed the thirty-eighth parallel invading South Korea and a new war began. Two days later as Robert and Janet sat on the beach he turned to her and said, “It looks like I’m going to be called up by the Navy.”

“Why?”, she asked.

“It’s this Korea thing. I’m in the Navy Reserve. I understand the government is calling not only reserves but some retired officers and enlisted personnel as well.”

“You don’t have to go,” she said.

“What do you mean?”

“My father said that you can resign your commission.”

“That only means that by doing that I’d only be delaying being drafted.”

“He also said that you could go back to college. That way you could be deferred.”

“I couldn’t do that. It wouldn’t be right. The Navy paid some of my tuitions. I owe them plenty.”

“What about me? What do you owe me?”, she asked.

“Right now? Marry me. This way at least I’ll have a steady income. I can support you. My background in law would probably get me assigned to the Judge Advocate. That means being assigned on shore. We’d be together.”

“And then what? Do we pack and unpack, drive from one base to another in your old Ford, live in Navy housing? What would I be doing while you were busy doing whatever the Navy told you to do? I don’t see myself wearing house dresses with my hair done up in curlers and listening to gossip from the other officer wives on the base. No way.”

“Janet, I have to go. As my wife I want you to go with me.”

“You have a choice , Robert. Think it over.”

*************

On the night of Thursday, June 14, 1951, off the port of

Songjin, North Korea, Ensign Robert Sayer stood on the deck of the USS Fortescue. He watched as round after round fired from the five-inch guns of the destroyer he was assigned to ripped through the night sky then hit the docks, warehouses and small ships and boats in the enemy harbor. The shots fired from the destroyer made a wicker, wicker, sound as they passed through the night sky. What he did not see was the shot fired by the shore battery that hit the Fortescue. Killing three men and wounding four. He was one of the four. Robert regained consciousness three days later on the USS Haven, a Hospital Ship. At the same time, he had been promoted from Ensign to Lieutenant, Junior Grade.

With the removal of shrapnel from his right leg on board the Haven, he then was shipped to the United States Naval Hospital, Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. There, the Navy taught him how to walk again. It was there that his mail caught up with him. When he saw the first of two letters from Janet, he examined the postmarks in order to know which one to open first. He eagerly opened the earliest posting, removed the folded letter and read, “ Dear Robert

I hope that this letter finds you well and safe. I noticed that the letters that you send me take a while to get to me, but I do realize that there is a war on and imagine that most mail goes from ship to ship and eventually flown here to the United Sates.

I have been busy. As you know it is summer and the summer tourists are all about, but that’s what makes the city go.

I also want you to know that in one of your letters where you expressed your love for me and asked me to wait for you. I must say that I can’t agree to that type of commitment.

Remember, I gave you a chance to choose between going with the Navy or staying home with me. You chose the Navy. Since you did I reserve the right then to come and go as I please. If that means meeting other people and doing things with them. Then so be it.

I hope that you stay safe and I’ll be glad when this war is over. When it does and when you eventually come home we’ll see how we feel about each other then.

Sincerely yours,

Janet

 

 

Robert folded the letter and slowly inserted it back into  the original envelope. He then looked at the next letter and although he wanted to open it he was reluctant to do so. Then, he decided to read whatever she had to say. He slowly unfolded the baby blue stationary and read, “ Dear Robert, there is no easy way to sit down and write to you telling you that I have met someone, someone that makes me happy. We have the same interests, enjoy our time together and we love each other.

I write to you now, letting you know that I won’t be here waiting for you. By telling you this it allows both of us to get on with our lives. I wish you much happiness and I hope that we can still be friends. Stay safe, stay well.

Sincerely

Janet

He wanted to shout, “No, no, no!” He wanted to be there with her to talk to her to make her listen and reason with him.

She had to understand that he loved her, needed her, that she meant the entire world to him. Then, he realized that the thousands of miles between them at present made it impossible.

Still, he sat down and wrote to her. In his letter, he once again explained why he had to go to war, how he couldn’t in good conscious sit back and watch other men his age serve while he remained safe at home. He was no coward. She had to understand that. Over and over in the letter, he expressed his love for her. He ended up begging her to reconsider and to wait for him to come home. Then, together they could