Shut Out by Kody Keplinger (best free e book reader .TXT) đ
- Author: Kody Keplinger
Book online «Shut Out by Kody Keplinger (best free e book reader .TXT) đ». Author Kody Keplinger
I considered this for a second. She was asking the same questions that had been running through my head for weeks: Whatâs normal? What is expected of us?
âYou know,â I said quietly, âI donât think normal exists.â
chapter eighteen
The next day, after all the girls had left, I decided to spend the afternoon cleaning up. Dad and Logan wouldnât be home until dinner, so there was no one to get in my way while I vacuumed and dusted and sanitized nearly everything in the houseâmy version of a relaxing Sunday. I was in the middle of reorganizing my closet by colorâChloe had decided to raid it during the sleepoverâwhen the doorbell rang.
âJust a second,â I yelled down the stairs. I ran into the bathroom to check my reflection. Part of me expected it to be Randy, coming to grovel and beg for forgiveness, and while I had no intention of taking him back I still wanted to look good, to show him I wasnât suffering without him.
Once I was certain that none of my hair was sticking up in the back and that no stress acne had popped up overnight, I ran down to the living room. âComing! Sorry.â I tugged once at the hem of my tank top before opening the door.
But Randy wasnât on my front porch.
Cash was.
âHey.â
âUm⊠hi.â
The surprise must have shown on my face, because he glanced over his shoulder before turning back to me. âAre you expecting someone?â
âNo, I just⊠I thought maybe you were Randy.â
âOh.â There was an awkward pause and Cash ran a hand over his cropped hair, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. âSorry Iâm not who you were hoping for. I can go if youââ
âNo!â I exclaimed. I blushed and glanced down at my feet. âNo, I⊠I wasnât hoping to see him. I just kind of expected to. He hasnât come to apologize yet, so⊠But Iâm glad itâs you and not him. I donât think Iâm ready to see him yetâI mean, I guess I should get over it, since heâll be at school tomorrow, but Iâm hoping I can avoid him, since we donât have classes together, or maybe heâll avoid me, and now he has The Blonde, so⊠Ugh, sorry. Iâm rambling. Why are you here?â
Cash shoved his hands into his pockets. âI wanted to check on you,â he said. âTo make sure youâre doing okay after everything that happened Friday night.â
âOh⊠Yeah, Iâm fine.â
He raised an eyebrow at me. âReally?â
I opened my mouth to say, Yes, really. Why do you care? But the way he was looking at me, so genuine and warmâI knew he did care. Somewhere along the way, Cash and I had become friends. I knew that should bother me, that I should be wary of getting close to anyone after what Randy had done to me, but I
couldnât fight the feeling of calm that washed over me when my eyes locked with Cashâs.
âDo you want to go for a walk?â I asked.
âYeahâsure.â
âGreat. Give me a second.â I stepped into the house and slipped on my sandals. I grabbed the house keys off the hook and joined Cash on the porch again, locking the door behind me. I double- and triple-checked the lock before shoving the keys into the back pocket of my jeans. âOkay, letâs go.â
We started walking down the street in silence. My arm brushed against his, but I didnât move away, and neither did he. We were on the corner, turning to follow the sidewalk, when I finally decided to speak.
âIâm better than I thought Iâd be.â I could feel his eyes on me, but I just kept walking. âAfter Homecoming, I expected to be a wreck. I expected to cry or be locked in my room or somethingâŠ. I expected to miss him more, I guess. And I doâmiss him, I meanâbut itâs not as bad as Iâd thought. Some of my friends came over last night, and they really helped me. They made me realize that I could do better, you know?â
I glanced over and saw Cash nod.
âI thought Iâd miss him more, but⊠thatâs not the problem.â
âWhat is?â
âItâs just⊠I keep asking myself, Why? Why wasnât I good enough to wait for? Whatâs so wrong with me that he could just throw everything away for one night? Why was sex so damn important?â I felt the heat rise into my cheeks. âOh, God, sorry. I shouldnât be talking to you about this.â
âAbout what?â
âMy, um, sex life⊠Or, as everyone now knows, my lack thereof.â
âOh.â
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. âSometimes I wish Mom was still around to talk to me about this stuff. Sheâd be able to tell me what to do.â
âWhat do you think sheâd say?â
I smiled, remembering her voice. Soft but stern. âSheâd probably say something like, âMelissa Anne, stop questioning yourself. Youâre smart and beautiful, and that boy is a fool. Never, never let anyone pressure you⊠and please get your shoes off the couch.â â
âIâm going to assume you take after your mother.â
I laughed. âThatâs what Iâm told.â
âWell, you know,â Cash said tentatively, âshe may not be around to tell you in person, but it seems like the advice you think sheâd give is good.â
âI know. But itâs not the same.â
âIâm sorry. We donât have to talk about her if it makes you uncomfortable.â
It did, usually. I never let Randy talk about my mom, but with Cash, it was okay. It was easy. Still, I said, âLetâs change the subject.â
So for the next few minutes, we talked about nothing importantâtelevision, a book heâd just finished, our mutual belief that the lunch ladies were trying to poison us. Then, after a while, we fell quiet.
As we walked along Levitt Avenue, a few mothers pushed strollers past us and, across the street, two middle schoolâaged girls walked side by side, both holding leashes attached to Labrador puppies. It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon, and for a moment I marveled at the fact that Iâd planned to spend the day cleaning instead of walking around the neighborhood. Hamilton really was a nice placeâa generic suburb, sure, but pretty and friendly. Usually, I was too worried about other things to notice.
I didnât even notice that Cash had taken my hand until weâd reached the next corner. We were almost back to my house, having walked around the whole block, and heâd been holding my hand half the time without my even realizing.
âLissa,â he said slowly. âLook, about Randy and the whole sex thingââ
âCash, please, itâs embarrassing. Letâs notââ
âNo, just listen for a second.â We were standing in front of my house again, and Cash had stopped, using our entwined hands to turn me toward him. âI know you donât want to talk about yourâŠâ He cleared his throat. âAbout what Randy said at Homecoming. But you should know this. The other night, I told you a decent guy wouldnât have done that to you. I didnât just mean embarrassing you in public like that. I meantâŠâ
I stared up at him, our palms still pressed together.
He sighed. âI meant that a decent guyâa smart guyâwouldnât have let something like sex ruin a good thing. A guy with half a brain wouldnât have screwed things up with a girl like you.â
âThanks. Thatâs sweet of you to say.â
âIâm serious, Lissa.â He lifted his free hand and brushed my cheek, tucking a few strands of hair behind my ear. Both of his hands were touching me, and I didnât miss the way my heart sped up just a little. âYouâre amazingâand he really fucked up.â
Amazing. Heâd said that at Vikkiâs party, too. Right before heâd kissed me. Right before heâd broken my heart. I wondered if he meant it this time. If maybe he was trying to tell me somethingâthat heâd been wrong, that heâd made a mistake, that he liked me after all.
âThank you,â I said. âThat means a lot.â
Cash smiled down at me. Then, after a long moment, he let go of my hand and took a step back. âWell⊠I should get going. We have a game in an hourâCoach wants us there early.â
âRight. Iâm glad you came by.â
He looked at me a little skeptically. âReally?â
I laughed and smacked him on the arm. âOf course. Weâre friends, arenât we?â
Cash grinnedâthat sweet, flirty grin he gave me in the library sometimes when our banter went a little further than Iâd intended it to. âIâll see you tomorrow, then.â He touched my cheek one last time before turning and walking toward his car.
I tried not to think too much about what Cash had said once I was back inside. I didnât want to get my hopes up. Still, I could feel joy bubbling in my chest, thinking that maybe, just maybe, heâd realized what a mistake heâd made by letting me go.
chapter nineteen
âCock tease.â
I felt my cheeks flush as one of Randyâs football buddies brushed past me in the hall, his words hissing in my ear.
âHey, assclown,â Chloe snapped, whirling around at my side to face the guyâs retreating form. âLearn some manners or Iâll e-mail the whole high school about how small your dick isâbecause we both know that Iâm aware of exactly how small it is.â
âWhore,â he muttered, shooting Chloe a filthy glare over his shoulder.
âHa. You might have better luck with a whore, actually. Me? You couldnât pay me to bang you again. Dickâs too minuscule to keep a lady satisfied. Come on, Lissa.â She took hold of my wrist and pulled me toward the cafeteria.
It was Monday, my first day back at school since Iâd caught Randy with The Blonde, and I wasnât sure how I was going to deal with the lunch situation. I obviously couldnât sit with Randy and Shane and the others. But where would I go? Thatâs where Iâd been sitting for more than a year. Thatâs where my friends were.
When we walked into the cafeteria, I seriously considered turning around and going to the library. The Blonde was sitting in Randyâs lap at our usual table, and she was grinning from ear to earâand who could blame her? She was getting attention from the coolest people in the school. From the cutest boy.
From the boy who was supposed to be mine.
âBoys suck,â I muttered.
âNot all of them are so bad,â Chloe said, dragging me along behind her. âThere are a few good ones, I swear.â
âWell, introduce me to them, then. Oh, and where are we sitting?â
âRight here.â
I glanced around at the occupants of the table Chloe had just led me to. Ellen
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