Onlyness by Santosh Jha (fb2 epub reader TXT) 📖

“Melissa, what stays with you as wisdom is what your mind accepts and internalizes as utility for your larger wellness. Old wisdom says, nothing external to you actually exists and what you internalize is the only reality. We shall talk about it later. Let me say that you can start on this hypothesis of mine, to build a theory, which you can challenge later, if you do not find it useful for you.”

“Okay, I accept. So, what is next for the day?”

“Yes. Close your eyes, sit in a way you feel comfortable, keep your body perfectly erect and still like a rock. Try to switch off your mind, concentrate on your breath, feel it going deep down your body and going away. Gradually, let the feeling sink in that you are one with the nature around. If you start feeling any pain, stop and go for a walk.”

She follows the instructions. As she closes her eyes, her mind starts racing up thoughts after thoughts. She gets mired into them, completely forgetting to focus on her breathing. In a few minutes, her back starts aching. She opens one of her eyes to see what he is doing. She sees her walking towards the ashram. She rises and starts to walk away from him. She needs to address to her thoughts. Too many issues on a single day and she has to make up her mind.

**

CHAPTER 4

Melissa spends good part of the day meeting different people of the ashram, asking them what brought them here and what they were learning. She finds a strange commonality. Most came here after they had trouble in their lives. Their focus was taking to yoga meditation and spiritual way of life to come out of their sadness and emotional instability. They felt, their worldly troubles would be settled, if they gave themselves in to spiritual ways. They were given a regimen and they followed it, without asking anything.

Melissa feels bad that she is also part of the crowd. She also came here after a mishap in her life. She consoles herself that she came here just to escape from the chaos back home. She did not need a cure but just peace of mind and a place where people could not recognize her and her past. She however realizes that she is being given a special status and that is why, she was provided an exclusive trainer and he is not making her follow a fixed regime. Rather, he is being good enough to leave it on her discretion as what and how she wishes to get benefit out of the available resources. She feels more assured of Shiv and his persistence as she begins to understand that he is treating her differently and in some special way.

Late evening, she calls her mother and as expected, her mother has nothing assuring to tell her. She rather asks her to enjoy the nature and peace. She tells her that learning is always optional. If she feels unsure about it, she should tell Shiv that she does not wish to learn anything specific and she would pick up on her own, if she thinks there is something she can learn there. She even suggested that she should ask her father about it, as he knew the place and people.

Melissa calls her father and tells him about her predicament. She asks him to help her. She tells him that she is very comfortable here and as her mother said, she also thinks, learning is optional for her as what she wants is peace and anonymous life for some time, which she has already attained here. She tells him that she thinks, she can spend a month here and get back to her best self as the natural environment and plenty of time with herself shall make it happen. He assures her that he would give it a thought and would share his views, sending her an e-mail within an hour. An hour later, she reads the mail:

Dear Melissa,

I am not averse to endorsing your views, as what matters is your peace and wellness. It is good that you have liked the place. I talked a short while ago to both Acharya and Shiv and they too feel, you should focus on what makes you feel good and in touch with your inner wellness. That is why Shiv has been insisting that you decide it.

However, I must tell you what I would do if I were in your place and as I have been visiting this place, I have actually done it there.

Melissa, you have been born and brought up in America and this country has been a great model of modernity and scientific ideas. However, many in America feel, everything is not fine with this exclusivity of worldview. They feel, it is a case of too much too soon for America. In the history of civilizations, America is relatively a new nation. It has a history and culture of modernity but does not have ancient ones. You as an American have little idea of what precious things ancient cultures and civilizations have given to humanity. The place you are, India, had thriving and very intelligent civilization dating back 5000 years. Indian culture, philosophies, religion, spiritualism, social ideas etc are well documented and they have immense utility now. Even contemporary and modern science has now become highly assimilative and integrative of all these ideas.

For example, what most Americans and western world understands of Yoga is just a set of physical postures (asanas) and meditation techniques. However, Yoga is one of the most evolved, highly objective and even very scientific philosophies. What the western world takes of Yoga is only its spiritual and health benefits. Yoga however is one beautiful and complete way of life – a highly assimilative worldview, which has immense benefit for larger humanity in modern age of materialist and consumerist consciousness.

Science is still working on the core mechanism of human consciousness and sense of subjective self. In their search, new science has now accepted the integration of philosophies and spiritualism as it is now a wider belief that realism of this world and human lives cannot be understood by restrictive and singular methodology of pure science of physics and biology.

When I am in the ashram, I just sit with Acharya and listen to him. I ask him whatever comes to my mind and then assess what he says. An individual’s consciousness is ever-evolutionary realism and is somehow a function of interaction between mind and milieus. More you extend the horizon of your milieu of awareness, larger and stronger becomes the boundaries of your consciousness. This process is what ancient wisdom terms as ‘learning’ and not what we refer to in modern context of institutional learning in schools, colleges and other institutions. This learning is true life-learning and this benefits in the sense that it lands you closer and closer to the ultimate bliss of life and living, beyond available external matters. This bliss inside the higher consciousness is where one reaches and stays forever.

You do not actually have to think in terms of learning. Acharya has assured me that the young yogi named Shiv is well versed with not only Yoga philosophy and traditions but also is very knowledgeable person in entire oriental culture as well as modern traditions. I think, if you just open up yourself to receive whatever is there in India as something new and unique for you, you can come back as considerably rejuvenated person. Somehow, you have to trust the young yogi.

Still, it has to be your decision.

Just relax, open up and try to enjoy whatever new realisms come your way, while you stay there.

Your dad.

Melissa reads it twice. She is not sure what her dad wants but she is sure that dad has faith in Shiv and he thinks this young yogi has something, which she can benefit from. She thinks of meeting the Acharya but it is already late. She walks to the pond and sits there for a while thinking.

She contemplates what her dad said, in his letter about American worldview being predominantly modernist and scientific and realism being beyond this worldview. She cannot relate this idea with her own wellness and benefit. May be, she thinks, dad is right when he says that western worldview is overly modernist because it is relatively new; but how the Indian ancient worldview can add to her wellness. The world she has seen and lived has given her everything. What happened to her is an accident that can happen to anyone. Why then dad feels she can be better off if she opens herself to new worldview, that too, thousands of years old.

She doubts such ancient and old ideas can have any relevance in contemporary modern world. And why he says science is accepting ancient ideas in its new approach. How can science relate to those old and outdated ideas, which were formulated by people thousands of years back, when they had almost no knowledge of even basic facts about the world and life? She is not sure but she feels world over people are accepting scientific and modernist ways of life and this is surely not reversible. She thinks, her dad made her more confused instead of solving her predicament. Still, she believes her dad cannot be wrong, as in the last one month she could see how he took care of her and was always present, when she needed him the most, leaving everything behind in London for her. She walks back to her cottage and tries to sleep. She decides that she would take the call next morning.

Melissa was a brilliant child. Her father had realized quite early that Melissa observed things very minutely and was real genius at picking up subtle and latent intents as well as energies. She was only five or six years of age, when he would take her to places with him and she would silently observe people, events, places and activities. Later, she would ask him questions, which would amaze him but he was extremely happy to answer her in a way as if he was lecturing his postgraduate students. He treated her like an empress and made her imbibe all those behavior and action mannerisms, which suited an empress.

Melissa’s dad had a plan for her. He knew what was in store for him in his marital front and he wished to ingrain a character and personality in her, which she could grow even when he would not be with her. He treated her like an empress and intentionally chose to associate her with only those things and ideas, which were not mainstream and populist. He had a notion that many, who chase populism, in turn get chased by psychosis. He wanted Melissa to develop a sense of distaste for whatever was populist and mainstream in society so that when she would grow up, she could remain shielded from the malaise of populism and related psychosis.

The inevitable somehow got delayed to his amazement and Melissa’s mother finally divorced him when Melissa had turned 12. She took her to USA, where her parents lived and where she belonged. Melissa’s dad was very satisfied. He had been successful in creating a subconscious layer in his daughter’s mind, which he knew should always be her first instinct, whenever she would face any crises and conflict in her life. It already showed up. As Melissa left her dad’s home in London, she said nothing, silently observed her mother and father.

As she was about to leave, her father went down on his knees in front of her, held her hands and kissed them softly and she remained rooted, showing no signs of unsettled emotions, like an empress. Her father looked at her and said smiling, “Melissa, always remember your dad’s words. An empress is one who rules the people and is never ruled by