When We Let Go by Delancey Stewart (free ebook reader for ipad .TXT) 📖

The wedding went off without a hitch, and I think I turned out to be a passable assistant, handing Maddie what she needed at the right times and even managing to take some photos with the spare rig when the reception was in full swing.

Maddie was professional, proficient, and one hundred percent in her element. It was a joy to watch.

It sounded ridiculous, even to my own mind, but I swear those days leading up to the event felt lighter, sunnier and happier than any I’d known before. I actually found myself toying with the idea of writing a different kind of book and began an adventure story about two boys in the woods—but when it turned out there was also an escaped convict in the woods, I realized I was a thriller writer and it would always be true.

I was writing on the deck and Maddie was going through the photos from the wedding on my spare laptop when her phone rang a few days later. As soon as she picked up the phone, her expression sobered, her eyes becoming wider and her mouth hardening into a line. She whispered, “Cam,” and stood to take the call.

A few minutes later she returned to her spot, her shoulders rounded and her eyes shining. “Jess is in the hospital,” she said. “He thinks this is it.”

“Should we go?” I asked, not wanting to insert myself into Maddie’s family, but unable to imagine allowing her to go without me.

We were in the car soon after. I drove and Maddie stared out the window, quiet. At one point she opened a mailer she’d retrieved from the post office on the way out of town—a photo book she opened in her lap. When she sniffled softly as she turned its pages, I took her hand.

“It’s them,” she explained. “The photos I took of Cam and Jess. I’m going to give it to them.”

We reached the hospital in Los Angeles in the middle of the night, and in the quiet confinement of the elevator, I pulled Maddie to me. “I know this is hard. I just want you to know that I’m here for you. And for Cam.”

When we stepped onto the floor where Jess’s room was, Maddie squeezed my hand and went to the room. I took a seat to wait. After a half hour, Maddie emerged again, coming to meet me. I stood and took her into my arms, feeling her sorrow like a cloud around her. I held her tightly and wished there was more I could do.

“I need to get Cam something to eat,” she said, pulling back slightly and then stepping away as a nurse approached us.

“I’m glad you’re here,” the nurse said, stepping in front of us. She wore Hello Kitty scrubs and had a petite build, but her voice could’ve come from a lumberjack’s mouth. “That one in there, Cameron, is it?”

Maddie nodded.

“He needs to eat something. And get some sleep. He’s been here two solid days and I’m not sure he’s moved the whole time. We don’t need another patient.” Her small brown eyes were trained on Maddie. “You family?”

She nodded again. “I’m his sister. This is my boyfriend.” I couldn’t help the small thrill that went through me at the word, even in these dire circumstances. I squeezed her hand tighter.

“All right. Well, my job is to take care of the patient. Your job is to take care of your brother. We got a deal?”

Maddie agreed and I turned to the nurse. “How is Jess doing?” I asked.

The woman looked at us each in turn for a second, and then cocked her head to the side slightly. “It’s just a wait at this point. There isn’t much else we can do. We suggested hospice care a month ago when she was here, but your brother wouldn’t hear of it. She’s such a sweet girl. Fought longer than we expected her to.” She reached out and squeezed Maddie’s hand, then bustled off around the corner.

Maddie took a deep breath, seemed to pull herself together. “I need to get something for Cam to eat.”

When we returned to the room with a tray of various snacks, I went inside with Maddie at her urging. Maddie introduced me in quiet tones to her brother, and I shook hands with the man whose grief was like a set of clothes he wore, heavy and drab, pulling him down.

Maddie reached into her bag and pulled the photo book out, handing it to Cam. “This is for you guys.”

“What is this?” he asked, making no move to open it. He looked defeated, exhausted, and on the verge of collapse.

She reached over and opened it, placing it back on his lap. “It’s the pictures I took when you and Jess visited a couple weeks ago. I edited them and had them made into an album.”

Cam’s eyes had brightened slightly and he stared at the first picture, where Maddie had placed a large photo of him and Jess walking hand in hand beneath a canopy of young trees with the trunks of colossal Sequoias on either side of them. Cam lifted his eyes to meet his sister’s, and something unspoken passed between them, a love that was almost tangible. A deep pang of longing for my own sister hit me then, and I turned my head.

Cam turned slowly through the pages, his eyes lingering on pictures of him and Jess, smiling, kissing, holding hands. He got to the end of the book and closed it on his lap, tears running down his face. “Thank you,” he said quietly.

We sat together, none of us talking. It was clear that suggesting Cam go try to get some sleep would be pointless, but Maddie squeezed my hand and gave me a weak smile when he nodded off in his chair, slumped to one side.

I scooted closer to Maddie and she closed her eyes, leaning into me.

Just as my own eyes were closing, something in the room changed.

“Cam?” Jess was awake.

Cameron bolted to her side, pulling her hand to his heart. “Jess!”

She smiled at him, the slow widening of her chapped lips revealing the effort that simple movement took. “Hi baby.”

“Hi honey. Maddie and Connor came to see you.” Tears were streaming down his face, as he turned so she could see us past his shoulder.

“Hi guys,” Jess said, looking beyond Cam for a moment. “Wow, you really are Connor Charles,” she said to me, her voice no more than a breath.

I smiled and nodded. “I really am.”

“I’m so glad I got to meet you,” she said. The words she left unsaid settled around us all.

Maddie stood next to her brother and leaned down to give Jess an awkward hug.

“Maddie,” she said. “Thank you for coming.”

“Of course,” Maddie said.

Cameron offered her some water, and she sipped it from a straw, her head lifted by his strong hands.

“Can I talk to your sister for a minute?” Jess asked Cam.

He looked stricken that she would ask him to leave, and his eyes were almost panicked as he turned to look at us. “Sure,” he whispered. He and I left the room, and he gave me a weak smile as he fastened himself to the wall just outside.

We stood near one another awkwardly, Cameron’s grief radiating from him and my own discomfort just as evident. After a few minutes, he turned to face me.

“Listen,” he said, his voice raspy and broken. “The circumstances here, well, I would have liked to have met you another way.”

I felt suddenly like an intruder, wishing I’d let Maddie come up alone. “I know, I’m so sorry,” I said.

“No,” he said quickly, reading my discomfort. “I’m glad you’re here. It’s good for Maddie to have someone. There’s something between you—I mean, something I can see. I think you’re different. Good together.” He blew out a sharp breath and lifted a hand to scrub his jaw. “I’m sorry, I’m a mess. But I’m glad to meet you, glad she found you,” he said finally.

“Thanks,” I said, and we stood there together more easily after that, both of us waiting.

After a few minutes punctuated only by the determined movements of nurses and doctors up and down the hall, the door opened again, and Maddie’s whispered voice came out. “Cam, you better come.”

Cam flew back into the room and Maddie stepped out just after, pushing herself against my chest, her shoulders shaking.

Neither of us said anything, Maddie’s grief answering any questions I might have had.

Convincing Cam to leave Jess so that the hospital staff could do the things that were required of them was nearly impossible. He wasn’t hysterical, or unreasonable. He was a mountain of man, a wall of misery, and he could not be moved. He stood at her bed, holding her hand and being with her. Seeing him so raw and torn apart, and watching Maddie try to help him broke my heart, and there were moments when I wanted to run.

The entire scene, the feeling in the air, the pain that bubbled just below the surface in each of us was so familiar it almost hurt. It had been like this