The Deplorable Love Story by Zoraida Fermin (best free ebook reader for android .TXT) 📖

about this, the more it made sense that having Jackson in my life would equal happiness because it always seemed to work out between the two us.

 

As my thoughts still consume me, I hear a banging on the window. I look over, and I see Jackson wanting to get into the car, so unlocking the car door would be common sense, right? Except I just laughed at him because he was huffing and puffing all while banning the window. I finally unlocked the car door, and he says, “Geez la weez Nikki, do you daydream that hard?” I looked at him confused, “What do you mean?” “Well, I mean I was standing there for 10 minutes banging on the window before you noticed. Is everything all right? Or would you like to talk about what is going on in your mind?” I couldn’t believe that it took that long to realize that he was standing there the hold time. It seems like my thoughts take a little more than just my mind, but my hearing as well.

 

“Well, uh, I’m sorry Jackson. I guess I’ve been a little distracted lately. It’s not a big deal, honestly.” He asked me once more just to double-check with me, but I repeated what I had already told me. He quickly changed the topic and suggested we go hang out at the bar. Apparently, he wanted to introduce me to his friends.

 

My thoughts tried to pull me back into my mind, but I refused to fall back in. The one time I couldn’t stop thinking about meeting Jackson's friends and watching that movie. Should I be reading into this? Are these some signal? Or am I just reading into this way too much? Ahh boys, are just so confusing and complicated. As I continue to think about these supposed signals, I hear Jackson go on and on and on about how great his friends are and how I’m going to like them and blah, blah, blah.

It sounds like I don’t care, but I do, I do. It’s just hard to think when my thoughts are loud and then trying to listen to Jackson all at the same time. On the bright side, I listened to what he was saying towards the end of the car ride, which surprisingly went fast because next thing I knew I had just parked in front of the bar. Going to a bar on a Thursday night tends to be packed.

 

Jackson and I thought it would be a good idea to hold onto each other once we passed the front the door. Believe it or not, but it’s easy to get lost especially in a large crowd like this. As he holds onto my hands, and my hands wrap around his waist, we wave in and out and around people from all angles and directions until we arrive at the table.

 

Once we got to the table, we let each other go and sat down in the chairs they had saved for us. Looking around the table, I noticed very quickly that there are only two girls including myself at the table, and the rest are guys. I begin to wonder who she is and if she is a friend of Jackson’s or one of Jackson’s friend’s girlfriend. Sometimes it’s hard not to jump to conclusions, so I’ve decided to make a list of possibilities of whom she could be. And as I learn the hard way, I’ve learned that jumping to conclusions is just as bad as making a list of possibilities.

Chapter Seven

 CHAPTER SEVEN (Mailyah):

 

 

      As I sat at the table trying my best not to let my mind jump to conclusions, I begin to jump from memory to memory. Unfortunately for me, I dropped into a memory I didn’t want to remember. If you must think about what that could be then, I’ll you beating around the bush and just diving right in. Nothing from this story is going to be pretty, and it’s not a happy one, so buckle your seat belts and get ready for this awful ride.

          Back in high school, I didn’t always look at Jackson the way I looked at him later on or even now. Back then Jackson was just some guy who had the same class as me. When our relationship developed more so to the point where we wanted to date each other the feelings between the two of us became intense, passionate, and everything you would ever hope for in a relationship. Now don’t play dumb or get uneasy, but I think it’s clear to say that when mixing in intense and passionate feelings nothing good ever comes out of it, well at least not in my experience.

          I’m pretty sure you guess it that Jackson was my first and I was, of course, his too. However, by the end of the school year, we noticed that something strange was going on with my body and my period was not coming. He thought I was pregnant and I figured he was stupid for thinking that. I couldn’t have been pregnant you see we use protection, so unless the condom broke, I didn’t see how that was ever a possibility.

          Jackson did what most or hopefully what most men would do, and he went out and bought me a pregnancy test, but the second the test landed in my hands he was already out the door. There were three tests in that box, and that same night I took 2. The results weren't what I was hoping for, so I called Jackson and gave him the results, and I help onto that last test for the morning. Doctors always say that the best read on a pregnancy test is to take it when you wake up in the morning, so I did just that. However, the results were still the same, and I was getting more worried by the minute. Each minute felt as if an hour had passed.

          I took a breather from the news and once again called Jackson to tell him the results of the test. He was happy to hear that those were the results, but I still wasn’t sure. My body was weird, and I didn’t feel like myself the more the days went on. So I called the doctors and schedule to do yet another pregnancy test, but this time I wanted to draw some of my blood to find out for sure. I hated needles, but I hated it more knowing that I am now going crazy and obsessing over this.

          Jackson thought I was just overreacting with the whole thing, but he just so calm and so nonchalant about that it made me feel like I should panic even more. The results of my blood were taking forever to come back, so I took it upon myself to go to a nearby pregnancy clinic near where Jackson lived. There I had also taken another pregnancy test, and with no luck, at all, it turned out to be the same results. The lady and I talked about a variety of things that can happen over time.

          Within that same day, the doctors had called me, and they gave me the results I didn’t want to hear, not again, not for the fifth time, and especially not on my own. But I had no choice but to hear it again and to go through the process on my own. When the phone call ended, I sat in the corner of my bed and cried my eyes out. I was pregnant! How? How did this happen? How is it possible? Was I tricked into this path I didn’t want to be one? Why? Why me? Why now?

          I had so many questions and not one answer to follow along. The only person that could answer most of those questions was Jackson, but I trust him, and I don’t want him to think that I don’t, but did he do this on purpose?
It had taken some time before I balled up my nerves to ask Jackson a couple of the questions I had lingering in my mind. However, after the conversation was done none of my thoughts changed, none of the questions felt as if they got answered, none of my worries went away, and now I had this feeling that part of me should begin to watch my back.

          None it what we talked about in that conversation made any sense. Jackson claims to have put the condom on, however after it was supposedly used there were no holes, and now thinking about it more clearly it wasn’t even used it looked like he wet it with water. Unless he didn’t actually use the condom and in order to make it look like the condom was used he wet it with water and stretched it out to then show it to me. That doesn’t answer the question, why would Jackson go through all that trouble?

          Over the month of June, I spent my time in and out of doctors offices, getting poked left and right with needles, going through uncomfortable ultrasounds just to check up on the baby, looking at my options, and trying to convince Jackson that this is his baby too. Whenever I talked to Jackson, he didn’t seem to have much interest in the baby or me. It wasn’t until that moment that I had realized if I would keep the baby I would, in fact, be a single parent, still in high school, having way more responsibilities than I can handle without asking for any of it. I was going to have to step up and do everything because Jackson was MIA for the rest of my pregnancy.

          By the time I was done realizing in that moment I had taken parenting off of my list of options. Within the next two hours, I took adoption off of my list as well. I wouldn’t be able to live my life knowing that I created something so beautiful yet she’s not mine to hold, carry, nurture, or teach. She wouldn’t be mine because I’d have to give her away.
If I have the abortion as horrible as it sounds, she would be able to be happy with God and live along side God. I know that God would be able to give her everything that I, Jackson, or any kind parents we picked would be able to give her. She deserves the best and God is what’s best for her. I just don’t want to disappoint her; I want her to be happy the way I would never be able to make her happy.

          How am I going to have the baby if I as a mother would be severely depressed, unable to provide, and unable to get far in life to give her what she needs and what she wants? I know God will take her and I know she’ll go