Eric by Jody Kaye (e book reader txt) 📖

Eric won’t acknowledge my existence, yet I haven’t been left alone in this house. After Alan’s embarrassing tirade where he asked for restitution, the Cavanaughs probably think I’ll steal some Kingsbrier heirloom to pawn.

It’s getting late in the day. We have to be at the high school auditorium soon. I’m hardly in the mood for a celebration. One by one, Miss Rose helps us into our black robes. Brier is first. Then Daveigh and finally me.

“You girls look lovely.” Rose tucks a lock of my blonde hair behind my ear.

She’s wistful. Although, I’m not sure if it’s more at the idea of her children graduating in a few hours or that she’s about to be a grandmother. Her eyes linger on my middle.

“You’re such a slight girl. No doubt you’ll be showing soon.”

I guess it’s hard to believe no one had figured it out on their own.

“Miss Rose, I don’t know why you are being so kind to me, but thank you.”

Behind me, Daveigh glowers toward our image in the mirror’s reflection. Brier never stops putting on her strappy white heeled sandals. Nothing affects her.

Rose sighs. “Everyone’s being angry out loud. Mine’s just silent. Don’t doubt it’s there, Ginny. You won’t ever win my trust again until you regain Eric’s and that won’t be easy. I’ve simply had a bit more time to process this than everyone else, to think about it, and understand it is senseless to vilify you based on one mistake. No matter how bad it is, maybe it came at the right time for me. I have to let go, not try and live my children’s lives for them. ‘Sink or swim’ that’s what Ross says about the next few years. Perhaps this is my first lesson in stepping back, relinquishing whatever control I thought I still had on you kids.” She glances at her daughters. “It’s not something I relish. Knowing someone, no matter what their intentions were, set out to hurt one of my children doesn’t sit well with any mother. You’ll figure out for yourself soon enough because this baby will be like your heart living outside your body. Who was protecting you, though, I ask? And who is making sure my grandchild grows up happy and healthy, knowing they are loved, if I’m not the first one to set the example?”

Ross Cavanaugh clears his throat. If this was an agreed upon parenting tactic so their five children all hear the same speech as I do, it was well choreographed. His sons have filtered in the room. The boys wear their caps and gowns over shirts and ties similar to the one their father has under his suit jacket.

“Dayum, y’all look fine.” Brier pipes up, winking at her daddy so as not to be told to watch her mouth.

Ross shakes his head. “Give you an inch, girl, and you take a mile. Although, if I hadn’t hated hearing the word ‘no’ at your age there’d be no business for you kids to take over,” he says. “Let’s get a move on. Half the graduating class is standing here. We’ll be lucky if we can fit everyone in two cars.”

“What about buying one of those old conversion vans with carpeting on the walls?” Colton suggests. He dances out of the room shaking his moneymaker and singing, “Bow-chicka-wow-wow.”

“Ew, gross!” Daveigh joins the procession, pushing her baby brother out of the way. I hear her whisper she’s riding with her father so she doesn’t wind up sitting in the back of her mother’s Lexus. With me.

My feet won’t budge and I’m left standing alone with Eric who studies the nap of the carpet.

Never once did I figure he’d be overjoyed to hear I was pregnant. Of course, if we’d waited until after marriage, his reaction would have been different. If I could go back and change the choices I made I would. I’ve replayed in my mind the image of an older Eric, secure in his smile and with a blush on his cheeks as he realizes we’ve made a baby together. It’s such a fallacy. So was thinking Eric would be a little accepting and over time become a lot happier?

Tipping my hand and admitting I’d gotten pregnant so we’d always be together hadn’t occurred to me until my stepfather became irrational toward Eric. Alan blames him for getting us into this situation. In reality, it was my own awful way of trying to hang onto the only thing that’s filled my life with any joy. I hadn’t done it with malice, nor had I thought through the consequences until it was too late to change my mind. Having already ruined the long-term, exposing myself to ridicule justifies my loathsome actions. If Eric hates me, he should know what he’s hating me for.

“The last thing you want to do is hear me out, but if you’re standing here, then maybe I have the chance to tell you I’d already changed my mind. I was sure the double lines on the first test I bought were wrong. Petrified, I went back to Richardson’s Market to purchase two more before accepting the truth. I’ve single-handedly ruined our lives and I didn’t have the courage to tell you. I accept you’ll never believe I loved you at all, but please, Eric, don’t throw us away.”

“I’m mad. I can’t even describe how mad I am. I feel like a fool. I don’t trust you and I’m scared shitless. Leaving this all to my momma to fix, turning a blind eye to my responsibilities, ain’t right by me, Ginny. I don’t want to stop loving you, but I can’t find it right now.” His voice becomes hoarse. “Don’t ask me to.”