Filthy Rich by Atarah Yvaine (electronic reader txt) 📖

I wanna go home.

I regret leaving him now. I am crying almost every night and I am feeling so empty. I did this and I know there just no turning back now. I left and I don't have something to go back to. I wasted everything and I am regretting it every day.

I am having a hard time sleeping at night because I admit I am missing his hugs and cuddles that I used to be annoyed at. I am missing his warmth and just missing him a lot. The breakfast tasted so different now that I know he is not the one who cooked it. I am missing his scent and his shout. I didn't expect me to long for him and his presence.

Every day I go to the shore and look at the sea. The sea is the distance that I chose to put between us. Is he looking for me? Or not? The thought of him looking for me makes me feel happy and scared at the same time. Happy because of the fact that he really wants me and scared because of the thought of what might be the aftermath of what I did. But I guess he is not looking for me. It's been week already and I don't know if I hid so perfectly or it's just that he never looks for me.

And I should accept if someday we will see each other again and someone already took my place.

Ali is finally doing fine. She's cheering me up when I am supposed to be the one doing it to her. She always asked me if I wanna go home already and I keep on lying. Two more days and she will be remembering her mom's death. It's her death anniversary and I'm sure she's going to be emotional again. I need to be strong to be there for her.

Today a lot of people are coming from other island to celebrate some sea festival. It is a tradition according to Mama Yen so we need to prepare and welcome the tourist to celebrate it with them. It's a once-a-year thing and I am looking forward to experience it. Ali is also being ecstatic about it because it's been years since she last celebrated it with her family in the island. We woke up very early to prepare a lot of ingredients for the festivities. It happened that we are almost done so I got the chance to go here in the sea shore.

I am look around and the surrounding is colorful because of the decorations and it's very different from my mood which is dull and lonely. I've been sulking these past days but I'm trying to overcome it by going out with Ali a lot. She taught me how to fish and surf. We didn't do anything but to play and bath in the sea, eat, Netflix and sleep. We are forgetting our worries but just for a while. During daytime we are happy but when the sun sets and we are all tired and laying comfortably in our bed, that's the time we've been drowning by homesickness and overthinking. She admits she misses the city too.

Hayst Oh God don't make us regret this please.

If Ali decides to go back to the city it's fine. Everybody will still be there for her. The house, the friends and her father. But as for me I don't have anything to go back to.

Deus.

His face flashed in my mind but I quickly shake it off.

He is surely angry and he might not want me back. And I'm not that idiot to just go back to him like nothing happened. I'm back to zero.

I sighed.

I don't know.

After some time of reflection, I go back to the mansion. It's been a week and I already get familiarized with the direction and the people.

I'm still far away from the mansion but I can already see that they are still busy cleaning the house. I decided to stay at my room for solitude. I'm really not in the mood today to meet people.

I throw myself in my bed. I feel so tired though I slept a lot. I hug my pillow and it's just sad that it didn't smell like him. The clothes I'm wearing are not his and I am not on his bed, not even in his home because I left him. Do a runaway have a right to miss the people we left, the people we hurt? Am I entitled to yearn for him?

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" I shouted at my pillow. I did not expect this kind of longing for him. I thought being free from him will makes me happy and free. But why am I not feeling even a bit of happiness?

I get up and walk around my room. I walk and walk with nothing to do in my head. I am moving from places to another. I try to read a book. After five minutes I lose the interest so I put it back in my shelf and ask the maids to bring me some cleaning materials to clean my room instead. They did and I started cleaning my room just to kill time and be occupied. I vacuumed every corner of the room. I cleaned the glass and everything. I want to get tired so I can sleep this feeling.

But after everything I've done, the feeling is still there. I am not even feeling any tiredness at all just homesickness.

I lay on the floor besides the cleaning materials. I look around and everything is squeaky clean. I angrily pulled my hair in frustration.

"Stop thinking about him" I shouted to myself and stare at nothingness. I'm being crazy.

After a minute I heard a knock. I lazily get up and go get the door. I opened it and it revealed a smiling Alison. She's dressed in a very pretty Coachella vibe outfit. She is wearing a spaghetti crochet white top that looks marvelous with her cool cut-offs and eye-catchy accessories. She's ready while I still look ugly in my oversized shirt and denim short which was both soaked in sweat.