The Invention of the Necktie by Isidore (Izzy) Abrahami (nonfiction book recommendations TXT) 📖

problem.
The answer lied in the peas.
It suddenly became clear to every politician in the conference that if peas can secretly communicate among themselves with lines, colors, dots and shapes why can't they!
And astoundingly, the pea was in every way a miniature of the neck tax-tie.
The minutes of the secret debate that followed tell of what happened next.

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A law, smartly called "The law of equality", was established.
It abolished the degrading name of the Neck Tax-Tie, though not the practice, and replaced it with the more simple name of Tie.
To the objections of the French and the German politicians who attended the conference, they gave the Tie also a French and German name. Cravate, was French, and Krawatte was German.
It was agreed that from this moment on every supreme politician will wear, like all men, a Tie which will appear to symbolize his equality to all people.
It was diligently decided to create a clandestine and cryptic coded language which will be hidden in the design of the tie, in its combination of patterns, colors, shapes, dots and lines. Thus, enabling the three hundred politicians who rule the world to make silent deals among themselves without anyone ever being able to uncover them.
One of the documents we've obtained give also an explicit example of how the tie with its clandestine and cryptic language will be operated.
"If two or more politicians meet to outwardly discuss the peace business, or any other social issue for impressing the masses, they should meet at least three times per session. Dinner, lunch and breakfast. In each meeting they will wear different ties through which they'll make the desirable deals among themselves.
The ties at dinner will outline the suggested deals, the ties at lunch will carry a discussion and will probe the profitability of each suggested deal and the ties at breakfast will conclude the deals and will carry the agreement of all parties involved.
They made a vow of eternal secrecy noting that "Even in time of war which shouldn't stop us of making profits, the code of the tie will not be revealed."
A decision was made to concoct the secret tie language within a month.
It's interesting to note that the author of a book touching upon the politicians' plot of the tie, titled: CODE DE LA CRAVATE, published by the house of AUDIN in Paris, in the second half of the nineteen century, disappeared without trace.
(See: Fliegen und Krawatten, by Davide Mosconi Riccardo Villarosa,
DuMont Buchverlag, Koln, P. 189)
The next thing known is that the committee chosen to create the code of the tie, employed tens of experts in the field of pea-breeding, to uncover their cryptic language and implement it to the code of the tie.
As the Austrian monk, Gregor Mendel predicted, none of the experts were able to fully decode the clandestine stripes, dots and patterns of the peas. Only partially.
A new cryptic language had to be found.
Within five years, on Jan. 28, 1873, the coded language of the tie, was ready. This language included the use of stripes, colors, shapes, dots, patterns, lines and drawings.
The few coded expression of the peas which were decoded and spoke of nature, love, friendship, peace, decency and sincerity, were of no use to the politicians.
Unanimously, the principal politicians decided to turn the ancient and obscure mill in the tiny German village of Krefeld, which belonged at one time to the father of the official Saint Alfonso Faber XXIII, and in which the first flattened rope came into being, into a factory where the secretly coded ties of the politicians were to be manufactured.
Nine years later on April 18, 1881, the full production of the politicians' coded ties had begun.
We consider this day to be the exact date in which the invention of the necktie has occurred.
But there were still a few problems which the politicians had to face. The Golden Age was at Europe's doorway. More and more people were becoming dissatisfied with the tax system. Many more were learning how to make their own Neck Tax-Ties, thus managing to cheat on their taxes.
Another thing which alarmed the politicians was of what would happen when the population will see them wearing their own coded ties, which in no way resembled the common Neck Tax-Ties. Wouldn't they start suspecting that the politicians' ties carry a certain meaning?
In one of the most secret conferences in modern times, which took place in their unrevealed tie factory in Krefeld, the major politicians made an historical and crucial decision which was to be persevered by every politician in the world up to our day.
They decided to abolish the Neck Tax-Tie.
Though, not the tax.
Their reasoning was that the people would be drowning in so much joy and happiness, and would look at the politicians with such gratitude and admiration for liberating them from wearing their Neck Tax-Ties that they wouldn't suspect anything.
In addition, the payment of taxes was left to everyone's discretion.
A secret document from among the "necktie files" makes clear that the politicians have calculated, in the most minute detail, the gains and losses of such step.
There's no question that they arrived at the conclusion that their gains would overwhelmingly outweigh their losses.
But, the politicians couldn't foresee one thing.
Because of the sudden surge of admiration toward them, the public at large started wearing ties similar to those of the politicians'.
At first the politicians panicked thinking that their secret was out. But within weeks, they recognized that, as always, fate was on their side.
They realized that the common wearing of ties was the best camouflage for their coded ties and for their hidden agreements they ever dreamed of.
This was the time that Honore de Balzac, adopting the pseudonym of Baron Emile de L'Empese, published a book titled: "THE ART OF TYING A NECKTIE." It was also translated into German under the title: "KRAWATTENBINDENS."
By 1893, the common tie had become a colossal success. It had become an ornament of repute, a symbol of accomplishment, a model of civility and what was badly needed, a pretense of wealth.
Identifying the psychological needs of the population, the politicians subsidized the mass production of ties and encouraged their use.
And as then, two families of ties, totally separated from each other, exist today. The secretly coded ties of the politicians and the common tie of the people.
This is the true history of how, why and when the tie was invented and evolved through the ages.

APPENDIX
Due to the dangers involved in attempting to decode the politicians' coded ties, we have discontinued our research.
But we became aware of countless agreements between politicians reached through their coded ties.
These secret agreements, contrary to the politicians' rhetoric, were solely about their own personal gains. These agreements were about the amounts of their kickbacks, their profits from increasing or decreasing of interest rates and from devaluating the currency, their share from new taxes, about new schemes and plots which will enable them to enlarge their profits, about the number of young people that should be killed in a war between them, and finally, about the flesh and the libido qualities of the girls and boys with whom they'll be spending the night.
From a government official who refused to be identified, we've learned of a few agreements reached through the tongue of the tie.
One of those was reached in the meeting of Yalta between Churchill, Roosevelt and Stalin.
Some details are known about this agreement.
The secretly coded ties of the politicians and the common tie of the people.
First they agreed to equally share the 43.5 percent kickbacks from the construction companies, 33.1 percent from the arms' suppliers, 21.6 percent from the morticians' union and 14.9 percent from the funeral parlors. Then, the three politicians agreed not to disclose to their own people the forthcoming attacks by the German and the Japanese air force on London, Coventry, Pearl Harbor and Stalingrad, previously agreed upon by the concealed tongue of the tie in meetings between Hitler and Stalin, Churchill and Roosevelt.
It resulted in total of seven million death and netted each of the initial politicians sixty nine million, seven hundred and twenty thousand American dollars.
Another similar agreement, with a comparable outcome, was concluded in the secret meeting between president Bush, Saddam Hussein and Yitshak Shamir. And later confirmed in a meeting with Ayatulla Khomeini.
There's a conclusive evidence that the politicians' agreements of Mastricht, including those between Chancellor Kohl and Prime minister Major, concerning the EEC were also carried out by the tongue of the tie.
Because the politicians never have trusted each other, at the end of each such meeting they had to surrender the names of the newly created companies which were to deposit, on their behalf, the huge amounts of money into foreign banks. In addition, they had to disclose to each other the names of their banks and the numbers of their private accounts. Dates and hours of deposits were essential.
These and the detailed description of the boys and girls with whom the politicians satisfied their lustful appetites, gave each one of them an equal leverage of blackmailing each other.
We can confirm that in 1993 there are in existence a total of four billion seven hundred million and two hundred and one thousand ties in the world.
There are five hundred million and sixty three hundred thousand secretly coded ties for the exclusive use of the politicians.
Sixty three percent of the world population, excluding the politicians, are wearing the common tie.
In 1991, the knot of the tie became a part of the politicians' code. Secret names of the different knots were clandestinely fabricated:
The Tenor Knot, The Champ Knot, The Dodge City Knot, The Gaga Knot, The Agnelli Knot, The Steck-O-Fix Knot, The Bataille Knot, The Overpull Knot, The Slit Collar Knot, The Schrumpfer Knot, Da Capo Knot, The Windsor Knot, The Dicky Knot, The Villarosa Knot, and The Swiftly Tilting Knot.
A top secret entry in John Major's personal diary refers to The Swiftly Tilting Knot in his own handwriting:

STARS IN THE PURPLE DUSK ABOUT THE ROOFTOPS,
PALE IN A SAFFRON MIST AND SEEM TO DIE,
AND I MYSELF ON A SWIFTLY TILTING PLANET,
STAND BEFORE A GLASS AND TIE MY TIE.*
Conrad Aiken: (1889-1973)

[c] Isidore (Izzy) Abrahami, 2010

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Publication Date: 09-02-2010

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