How to Talk to Anyone (Junior Talker #4) by DeYtH Banger (top business books of all time TXT) 📖

fourth-grade dropouts. “When I went to research, I was convinced these men are monsters. But when you talk to them, you realize these are not extraordinary men, they are really ordinary. What they’ve done is because of upbringing and thought process.”

[Why an Indian judge thinks rapists should marry their victims]

In Indian households, even in more educated families, women are often bound to traditional roles, Pandey said. Many women won’t even use their husbands’ first names, she pointed out. “As an experiment, I phoned a few friends and asked: what does your mom call your dad? The answers I got were things like ‘are you listening,’ ‘listen,’ or ‘father of Ronak’ (the child’s name).’”

 

 

 

 

“Men are learning to have false ideas about masculinity, and women are also learning to be submissive. It is happening in the same household, Pandey said. “Everyone’s out to make it look like there’s something inherently wrong with [rapists]. But they are a part of our own society. They are not aliens who’ve been brought in from another world.”

 

 

 

P.S.- Wait... wait... I hate indians... they are the most disgusting race ever existed on this planet... no insult further on (just move on if you don't get the joke...)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pandey said that hearing some of the rapists talk reminded her of commonly held beliefs that were often parroted even in her own household. “After you speak to [the rapists], it shocks you — these men have the power to make you feel sorry for them. As a woman that’s not how you expect to feel. I would almost forget that these men have been convicted of raping a woman. In my experience a lot of these men don’t realize that what they've done is rape. They don't understand what consent is.”

 

[She was raped at 13. Her case has been in India’s courts for 11 years — and counting]

“Then you ask yourself, is it just these men? Or is the vast majority of men?” she said.

In India, social attitudes are highly conservative. Sex education is left out of most school curriculums; legislators feel such topics could “corrupt” youth and offend traditional values. “Parents won't even say the words like penis, vagina, rape or sex. If they can't get over that, how can they educate young boys?” Pandey asked.

 

 

In the interviews, many men made excuses or gave justifications for their actions. Many denied rape happened at all. “There were only three or four who said we are repenting. Others had found a way to put their actions into some justification, neutralize, or blame action onto the victim.”

One case in particular, participant 49, sent Pandey on an unexpected journey. He expressed remorse for raping a 5-year-old girl. “He said ‘yes I feel bad, I ruined her life.’ Now she is no longer a virgin, no one would marry her. Then he said, ‘I would accept her, I will marry her when I come out of jail.’”

 

The response shocked Pandey so much that she felt compelled to find out about the victim. The man had revealed details of the girl’s whereabouts in the interview. When she found the girl's mother, she learned that the family had not even been told that their daughter’s rapist was in jail.

Pandey hopes to publish her research in the coming months but said she faces hostility for her work. “They think, here comes another feminist. They assume a woman doing research like this will misrepresent men’s ideas. Where do you begin with someone like that?” she said.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 17 - Rape Method (Part 2)

Note: Sometimes... the advice on the internet... sounds like a typical rape guide for how a beta male to fuck alpha chicks... or in our case alpha fucks....

 

 

- Look escalation is good stuff and girls can do it... it builds comfort and boys can do it... it get go in a direction friendly or something more there are different paths.... but if they don't want and if it doesn't go by the book ... what then?
...

ARE YOU ARE RAPIST!?

 

Why I became a sex offender and started raping women

 

When it comes to rape, much of the focus is still on the victim’s behaviour - but what we should be asking is, why do sex offenders do it? A convicted rapist tells his story.

 

John's story*

 

I’ve got a rape conviction and two indecent exposure convictions. The rape happened first, in 2001. But, if I'm honest, I think I’d already started offending when I was 15. I’m 46 now.

 

I didn’t have much of a conscience about it when I was younger. No conscience at all. I was just out to get what I wanted, damn everybody else. It wasn’t about them, it was about me. Obviously I don’t feel like that anymore, but it's taken me a long time to leave that mentality behind. It took me going to prison and doing six years of treatment programs and counselling afterwards to feel different.

 

I got three years for the rape. I did 18 months, came out for about two weeks, got recalled for indecent exposure, spent another year in prison, came out, started to offend again - it was indecent exposure again - and got put back in. I spent three years in prison in total. I’ve been out for six years now.

 

I grew up in a little town in Oxfordshire. I was part of a rebellious crowd. We did drugs and weren't very serious about school.

I had lots of relationships, but I wouldn’t describe any of them as romantic. I was looking for one thing: sex. That’s what my life was about when I was that age, chasing girls.

 

I became very preoccupied with pornography and sex. I was very promiscuous. I’m not as promiscuous now as when I was younger - after all the courses I’ve done I’m a bit wiser about it. But when I was younger, oh, anybody. Whoever I could latch on to.

 

I was already offending back then. I did it because it was exciting. It was a buzz. It gave me a certain feeling of power over that person. I wouldn’t have said it then, but it’s obvious to me looking back that I was lost and out of control.

 

I’d had some very bad experiences as a child and I was trying to make myself feel good again. I wanted to feel in control. But it didn’t work. It didn’t make me feel any better.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

AT A GLANCE

 

 

Common drivers of sex offendingDominic Williams is a Senior Co-ordinator at Circles, a service for convicted sex offenders returning to the community.

 

Rapists tend to have very low self-worth. They usually have one of two, if not both, of the following major issues:

 

A deep unresolved anger towards women

 

Usually rooted in childhood experiences such as domestic violence. It’s counter-intuitive, but boys often blame their mothers for allowing domestic violence to happen. Their offending is about power, more than sexual gratification, and comes from a desire to humiliate the entire gender. This is sometimes called “anger rape”. They’re often the ones who will murder women as well as rape them

 

Great difficulty establishing relationships

 

Due to having been abused, neglected or abandoned as children. They often suffer from bottomless need, coupled with the fear that if you love someone they’ll leave you. These men will abuse women in an act of distorted intimacy. They'll say they just wanted to hold her, and you have to point out they had of pair of scissors to her throat.

 

 

In 2001, I raped my girlfriend. We’d been arguing and she’d left the house for a while and when she came back… I was very drunk. I forced her into the bedroom. I didn’t plan it. I still don’t completely understand why I did it. But I have a better sense of what triggers this behaviour in me now. I was under a lot of financial stress at the time. I wasn’t feeling good about myself. And I was drinking too much, which didn’t help. Now, I try not to drink at all.

 

I wasn’t shocked that I’d raped my girlfriend. I’d done it already in my past. I did feel bad, but more about the fact that I’d been physically rough with her than about the rape. It wasn’t until I’d spent about a year in prison that I started to understand how much I’d hurt her. Not just physically - really hurt her. Knowing that is going to affect me for the rest of my life.

 

When I woke up the next day, my girlfriend was gone. And, about a week later, I got arrested. The police just walked in and arrested me. I was in my underpants and slippers at the time.

 

I decided to plead guilty. Because it happened, and, for all my faults, I’ve never been much of a liar.

 

 

 

They’ve got a special wing for sex offenders in the prison I went to. I met all sorts of men in there: doctors, vicars, airline pilots. The sex offenders come from more varied backgrounds than the other offenders. They tend to be a bit older and more educated.

 

While I was in therapy in prison, I talked for the first time about what happened to me in my childhood. I was sexually abused for about two years, from when I was seven. I was abused by people who were friends of my family, a man and a woman, and I suspect that my family might have been aware of that.

 

And I do think it played a part in my later offending. Because I felt powerless for a long time after that, and my offending was always more about power and control than anything else. But that’s just me. That’s just one person. Other men I met in prison had very different stories.

A lot of people were in denial, not taking responsibility for their actions. Some people would say the woman had led them on, things like that. It’s easy to say it was her fault. But I realised the problem was me. It’s me. It’s not other people around me. The problem is me.

 

 

 

Nobody knows what the other inmates have done, except for the people you’re in group therapy with. I met a few men in my groups who were very ashamed of what they’d done. But I also met lots of men who had no guilt about their offences whatsoever. And, probably, when they’re released, they’ll go out and do it again.

 

It’s an attitude that, if I’m honest with you, I grew up seeing around me. I think some men like to boast and get away with things. It makes them feel like the big guy. And some men just think they’re superior to women, don’t they? They think women belong in the kitchen or in the bedroom. That’s pretty much the message I got from my father. And I suspect there´s countless men out there that feel the same way.

 

 

As I got near the end of my 18 months I realised I didn’t want to be released. I felt daunted by the thought of going back into the community. I was worried about keeping my behaviour under control. And I knew I’d have to disclose my offences to future employers if I applied for certain jobs. It puts me off trying. But that’s no excuse. I have to get a job. I’m unemployed and