Something New by Pelham Grenville Wodehouse (rom com books to read .TXT) 📖
- Author: Pelham Grenville Wodehouse
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The Opinion She Formed Of Mr. Peters Was Of His Being An
Eccentric Old Gentleman, Making A Great To-Do About Nothing At
All. Losses Had To Have A Concrete Value Before They Could
Impress Joan. It Was Beyond Her To Grasp That Mr. Peters Would
Sooner Have Lost A Diamond Necklace, If He Had Happened To
Possess One, Than His Cheops Of The Fourth Dynasty.
It Was Not Until Aline, Having Concluded Her Tale, Added One More
Strand To It That She Found Herself Treating The Matter
Seriously.
"Father Says He Would Give Five Thousand Dollars To Anyone Who
Would Get It Back For Him."
"What!"
The Whole Story Took On A Different Complexion For Joan. Money
Talks. Mr. Peters' Words Might Have Been Merely The Rhetorical
Outburst Of A Heated Moment; But, Even Discounting Them, There
Seemed To Remain A Certain Exciting Substratum. A Man Who Shouts
That He Will Give Five Thousand Dollars For A Thing May Very Well
Mean He Will Give Five Hundred, And Joan's Finances Were
Perpetually In A Condition Which Makes Five Hundred Dollars A Sum
To Be Gasped At.
"He Wasn't Serious, Surely!"
"I Think He Was," Said Aline.
"But Five Thousand Dollars!"
"It Isn't Really Very Much To Father, You Know. He Gave Away A
Hundred Thousand A Year Ago To A University."
"But For A Grubby Little Scarab!"
"You Don't Understand How Father Loves His Scarabs. Since He
Retired From Business, He Has Been Simply Wrapped Up In Them. You
Chapter 3 Pg 53Know Collectors Are Like That. You Read In The Papers About Men
Giving All Sorts Of Money For Funny Things."
Outside The Door R. Jones, His Ear Close To The Panel, Drank In
All These Things Greedily. He Would Have Been Willing To Remain
In That Attitude Indefinitely In Return For This Kind Of Special
Information; But Just As Aline Said These Words A Door Opened On
The Floor Above, And Somebody Came Out, Whistling, And Began To
Descend The Stairs.
R. Jones Stood Not On The Order Of His Going. He Was Down In The
Hall And Fumbling With The Handle Of The Front Door With An
Agility Of Which Few Casual Observers Of His Dimensions Would
Have Deemed Him Capable. The Next Moment He Was Out In The
Street, Walking Calmly Toward Leicester Square, Pondering Over
What He Had Heard.
Much Of R. Jones' Substantial Annual Income Was Derived From
Pondering Over What He Had Heard.
In The Room Joan Was Looking At Aline With The Distended Eyes Of
One Who Sees Visions Or Has Inspirations. She Got Up. There Are
Occasions When One Must Speak Standing.
"Then You Mean To Say That Your Father Would Really Give Five
Thousand Dollars To Anyone Who Got This Thing Back For Him?"
"I Am Sure He Would. But Who Could Do It?"
"I Could," Said Joan. "And What Is More, I'm Going To!"
Aline Stared At Her Helplessly. In Their Schooldays, Joan Had
Always Swept Her Off Her Feet. Then, She Had Always Had The
Feeling That With Joan Nothing Was Impossible. Heroine Worship,
Like Hero Worship, Dies Hard. She Looked At Joan Now With The
Stricken Sensation Of One Who Has Inadvertently Set Powerful
Machinery In Motion.
"But, Joan!" It Was All She Could Say.
"My Dear Child, It's Perfectly Simple. This Earl Of Yours Has
Taken The Thing Off To His Castle, Like A Brigand. You Say You
Are Going Down There On Friday For A Visit. All You Have To Do Is
To Take Me Along With You, And Sit Back And Watch Me Get Busy."
"But, Joan!"
"Where's The Difficulty?"
"I Don't See How I Could Take You Down Very Well."
"Why Not?"
"Oh, I Don't Know."
Chapter 3 Pg 54
"But What Is Your Objection?"
"Well--Don't You See?--If You Went Down There As A Friend Of Mine
And Were Caught Stealing The Scarab, There Would Be Just The
Trouble Father Wants To Avoid--About My Engagement, You See, And
So On."
It Was An Aspect Of The Matter That Had Escaped Joan. She Frowned
Thoughtfully.
"I See. Yes, There Is That; But There Must Be A Way."
"You Mustn't, Joan--Really! Don't Think Any More About It."
"Not Think Any More About It! My Child, Do You Even Faintly
Realize What Five Thousand Dollars--Or A Quarter Of Five Thousand
Dollars--Means To Me? I Would Do Anything For It--Anything! And
There's The Fun Of It. I Don't Suppose You Can Realize That,
Either. I Want A Change. I've Been Grubbing Away Here On Nothing
A Week For Years, And It's Time I Had A Vacation. There Must Be A
Way By Which You Could Get Me Down--Why, Of Course! Why Didn't I
Think Of It Before! You Shall Take Me On Friday As Your Lady's
Maid!"
"But, Joan, I Couldn't!"
"Why Not?"
"I--I Couldn't."
"Why Not?"
"Oh, Well!"
Joan Advanced On Her Where She Sat And Grasped Her Firmly By The
Shoulders. Her Face Was Inflexible.
"Aline, My Pet, It's No Good Arguing. You Might Just As Well
Argue With A Wolf On The Trail Of A Fat Russian Peasant. I Need
That Money. I Need It In My Business. I Need It Worse Than
Anybody Has Ever Needed Anything. And I'm Going To Have It! From
Now On, Until Further Notice, I Am Your Lady's Maid. You Can Give
Your Present One A Holiday."
Aline Met Her Eyes Waveringly. The Spirit Of The Old Schooldays,
When Nothing Was Impossible Where Joan Was Concerned, Had Her In
Its Grip. Moreover, The Excitement Of The Scheme Began To Attract
Her.
"But, Joan," She Said, "You Know It's Simply Ridiculous. You
Could Never Pass As A Lady's Maid. The Other Servants Would Find
You Out. I Expect There Are All Sorts Of Things A Lady's Maid Has
Got To Do And Not Do."
Chapter 3 Pg 55
"My Dear Aline, I Know Them All. You Can't Stump Me On
Below-Stairs Etiquette. I've Been A Lady's Maid!"
"Joan!"
"It's Quite True--Three Years Ago, When I Was More Than Usually
Impecunious. The Wolf Was Glued To The Door Like A Postage Stamp;
So I Answered An Advertisement And Became A Lady's Maid."
"You Seem To Have Done Everything."
"I Have--Pretty Nearly. It's All Right For You Idle Rich,
Aline--You Can Sit Still And Contemplate Life; But We Poor
Working Girls Have Got To Hustle."
Aline Laughed.
"You Know, You Always Could Make Me Do Anything You Wanted In The
Old Days, Joan. I Suppose I Have Got To Look On This As Quite
Settled Now?"
"Absolutely Settled! Oh, Aline, There's One Thing You Must
Remember: Don't Call Me Joan When I'm Down At The Castle. You
Must Call Me Valentine."
She Paused. The Recollection Of The Honorable Freddie Had Come To
Her. No; Valentine Would Not Do!
"No; Not Valentine," She Went On--"It's Too Jaunty. I Used It
Once Years Ago, But It Never Sounded Just Right. I Want Something
More Respectable, More Suited To My Position. Can't You Suggest
Something?"
Aline Pondered.
"Simpson?"
"Simpson! It's Exactly Right. You Must Practice It. Simpson! Say
It Kindly And Yet Distantly, As Though I Were A Worm, But A Worm
For Whom You Felt A Mild Liking. Roll It Round Your Tongue."
"Simpson."
"Splendid! Now Once Again--A Little More Haughtily."
"Simpson--Simpson--Simpson."
Joan Regarded Her With Affectionate Approval.
"It's Wonderful!" She Said. "You Might Have Been Doing It All
Your Life."
"What Are You Laughing At?" Asked Aline.
Chapter 3 Pg 56
"Nothing," Said Joan. "I Was Just Thinking Of Something. There's
A Young Man Who Lives On The Floor Above This, And I Was
Lecturing Him Yesterday On Enterprise. I Told Him To Go And Find
Something Exciting To Do. I Wonder What He Would Say If He Knew
How Thoroughly I Am Going To Practice What I Preach!"
Chapter 4 Pg 57
In The Morning Following Aline's Visit To Joan Valentine, Ashe
Sat In His Room, The Morning Post On The Table Before Him. The
Heady Influence Of Joan Had Not Yet Ceased To Work Within Him;
And He Proposed, In Pursuance Of His Promise To Her, To Go
Carefully Through The Columns Of Advertisements, However
Pessimistic He Might Feel Concerning The Utility Of That Action.
His First Glance Assured Him That The Vast Fortunes Of The
Philanthropists, Whose Acquaintance He Had Already Made In Print,
Were Not Yet Exhausted. Brian Macneill Still Dangled His Gold
Before The Public; So Did Angus Bruce; So Did Duncan Macfarlane
And Wallace Mackintosh And Donald Macnab. They Still Had The
Money And They Still Wanted To Give It Away.
Ashe Was Reading Listlessly Down The Column When, From The Mass
Of Advertisements, One Of An Unusual Sort Detached Itself.
Wanted: Young Man Of Good Appearance, Who Is Poor And
Reckless, To Undertake A Delicate And Dangerous Enterprise.
Good Pay For The Right Man. Apply Between The Hours Of Ten
And Twelve At Offices Of Mainprice, Mainprice & Boole,
3, Denvers Street, Strand.
And As He Read It, Half Past Ten Struck On The Little Clock On
His Mantelpiece. It Was Probably This Fact That Decided Ashe. If
He Had Been Compelled To Postpone His Visit
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