Loud Silence by Naty Matos (summer beach reads .txt) 📖

to sleep somewhat content. The thought of seeing Sabrina the next day was given her hope. She took a shower and lay in bed. Joyce found amazing that even when most of her life she had felt tormented by her thoughts racing through her head, this time she spent lapses of time without a single thought after daydreaming about the garden where she just spent the afternoon she fell into a comfortable sleep.
Once again after falling asleep, Joyce started having a nightmare. She saw a little girl. The little girl was in a dark room, tied to a table. Something had the girls limbs tied up, she couldn’t see anything else in the room, not a body or a spirit, but all of the sudden the girl’s parts were being cut and pulled in different directions. The little girl was screaming until her head detached from her body and fell to the floor. Her head rolled to the edge of the door and laid there staring with unseeing eyes. Joyce woke up sat up in bed and cried.
Morning came quickly, thankfully. Joyce didn’t want anything to mess up the opportunity of seeing her daughter. She took a shower, changed clothes and even had breakfast in the common dining room. While she was eating she heard the sweetest voice, “Mama!” Through the door emerged the little figure of Sabrina with her puppy in her arms. Joyce lifted her up at once, hugging and kissing her over and over, behind her, her husband and mother stood smiling over her.
“Hello Joyce” said Samuel kissing her forehead. “How are you doing darling? I’ve been worried about you”. Joyce just lowered her eyes. Joyce looked at her mother, but they didn’t exchange any words.
Joyce sat with Sabrina at the table and brought her something to eat. Later she took her to the garden and ran with her and the dog. She was enjoying herself, not without the image of the other two visitors who were shadowing her. A nurse came to get Sabrina and informed Joyce that it was time to go inside. Joyce took a deep breath and walked into the building.
The counselor’s office was cozy. When Joyce walked in, her husband and mother were sitting at the sofa across the room. The counselor was sitting in a chair across from them. Her choices were a loveseat that was located on the side of the room or to sit between her family members. She chose the loveseat. She propped her legs on top of the loveseat and wrapped her arms around her legs.
“Well, let’s begin”. The counselor looked at Samuel and his mother in law. “Does anyone want to speak first?” Samuel shrugged his shoulders. Anna, Joyce’s mother started talking.
“I just don’t understand. Joyce has a wonderful life. She has a beautiful daughter and a loving husband. She doesn’t lack for anything and frankly never has. Samuel is an excellent provider and a good husband. The only thing I can think of is that with Sam being such an important man, she is crumbling under the pressure”
Joyce chuckled. The counselor looked at Samuel
“Samuel?”
“As far as I know everything is fine. Joyce has never complained before. She devotes her time to Sabrina and I know that makes her happy.” Looking at Joyce” My darling if there’s anything you need for me to do for you I will do it. All I want is to make you happy”
Joyce chuckled. The counselor asked Anna. “How was Joyce growing up?”
“Oh she was a delight. She always got wonderful grades and was athletic. She loves to read and cook. She loves her house and her child. She never gave me any problems”
“How was Joyce’s relationship with her father?”
“Oh excellent! Dylan loves Joyce. I use to be, and I’m ashamed to say this, a little bit jealous of their relationship. He was so attentive to her, that’s why this makes no sense. Dylan used to read to her every night. Every night he would take an hour and spend it with her reading her books and playing. I use to listen through the door wishing I could be part of their time together…” Anna barely had the words out of her mouth when Joyce jumped out of the loveseat and pointed in her face.
“You sick conniving witch! You knew… all this time… YOU KNEW!”
The counselor grabbed Joyce from behind and broke some distance between her and her mother. “Calm down Joyce. Just come take a seat.” Nancy tried to soothe Joyce back to her seat.
Joyce was shaking her head in amazement. “Mom, you knew?” She looked at the counselor. “He used to rape me every fucking day... I was five… till the day I married you!” She said pointing at Samuel.
Anna horrified covered her ears “Don’t say that Joyce, you know that’s not true"
“Mom, I tried to tell you when I was eleven and again when I was sixteen and you didn’t believe me and you’re telling me that all this time you knew and you didn’t do anything to protect me! What kind of mother does that?!”
“Joyce, never bring this up again! We talked about it and you know that’s not true…your father loved you. He just expressed his love differently. He didn’t want to hurt you. Actually I saw him this morning and he already told the cops he’s not pressing charges against you. He realized that you were not yourself and he forgives you” Anna spoke rapidly, trying to change the mood with sweet words.
“Forgives me…Ma, he raped me!!…for most of my life he raped me…Every. Single. Day. He hurt me every day.”
“Stop!” Anna looking at the counselor “Stop her please; she doesn’t know what she’s saying?”
“After all I did for you…I don’t know why I’m surprised” Joyce grabbing her own shirt in her chest
“Joyce let’s just sit down and talk okay?” said the counselor
Joyce looked at her husband, “Did you know? You have been friends with my father for years”
Samuel had eyes wide open. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Anna got up, grabbed Joyce by the arms and whispered. “Stop it Joyce. If you have anything else to say we can discuss this at home when you’re out of this place. You are not going to shame our family in front of strangers.”
Joyce pushed her mother into the sofa. “Enough! I can’t take it anymore.” Looking at the counselor, “Dr. Nancy, do you remember that I told you yesterday that my marriage was arranged. “
“Yes Joyce”
“When I was 18 years old, Dylan, he’s not worth being called my father, decided that I was not going to go to college. My parents had money all their lives. “ Joyce threw herself on the loveseat once again, this time with both feet on the floor and her elbows on her knees, cradling her head on her knuckles. “ Dylan is an alcoholic and a gambler. He lost all his money and we were about to lose everything. I don’t know the details, but I know that these two…” pointed to her husband and mother “made some kind of arrangement where Samuel covers all their expenses and I was the price.”
There was silence in the room. Anna and Samuel were looking down in embarrassment. Tears started rolling down Joyce’s face. “At that point I didn’t care. My life was already so miserable and at least my parents were not going to end up in the streets. The truth is that Samuel is not a bad man, but I’ve never loved him. Having sex with him is like having sex with my father, but then again, I did that every day of my life… same feeling, just different man”
“Don’t you dare say that Joyce? I never forced you!”
Joyce snarled at him” You bought me like one of your properties. You might not physically force yourself into me, but you might as well have …” Joyce started sobbing again. The room was silent except for her cries. The counselor sat next to her and put her arms around her.
Joyce collected herself a little. “I remember what happened that afternoon.” She looked at Nancy pleadingly. “I was in the kitchen helping my mother with lunch. I saw Sabrina enter the house through the kitchen. I heard her talking in the living room. I could see her and Dylan on the recliner from the kitchen door. She was sitting on his lap reading a book. He saw me watching them and he looked at me and told me that she was growing up so fast and that she was so beautiful. Then he winked at me. I knew what he meant. I remembered all those nights he would read a book to me right before he would climb on top of me. I shouted to Sabrina to run out of the house. I didn’t want her to see anything. I yelled at her to run to the yard and she did. I held that knife in my hand and I just ran towards him…Samuel caught me before I could stab him, but I saw him fall behind the chair. That’s all I remember and then I was here.”
“See, he wasn’t doing anything to the baby. Joyce you have really lost your mind” Anna said trying to debate what Joyce was saying. Joyce pulled her hands from her face and stared at her mother with hatred. She sat back in the loveseat. Joyce looked at the counselor “I would die for my daughter and I will never let anyone harm her, unlike my mother.”
“You are safe now Joyce” Nancy said soothingly.
“I know it’s going to take time to recover, but I want to be a good mother and I want to be well, will you help me?” she grabbed the counselor’s hand
“Yes, Joyce. I will help you, I’ll help you”
Joyce got up and stood in front of her mother. “So he will not press charges against me? Good! Then I won’t press them against him.” She turned to her husband. “I want a divorce”
Anna one more time stood up. “Joyce you can’t do that. Joyce please, I’m sure your husband will forgive you for all this. If you divorce Samuel, what are we doing to do? Joyce you have no money, he’s going to take Sabrina away”…
“Mother, I don’t care all of you can rot in hell.” She turned to Samuel, this time he was standing. “You are going to give me a