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her recognition and acceptance {60} of herself and her ability as an adult nurse therapist. The thanks and meaningful praise she received from both her patients on termination of therapy made this apparent. It brought tears to both her eyes and mine. I felt joy in being with a now-respected colleague, as opposed to the earlier being with a person who felt like an unasked for "awe struck defensive daughter."

Authenticity with myself, and this graduate student's ability for authenticity with herself allowed these patients' progress to occur. It allowed a realistic articulation in this student's phenomenological master's thesis of her lived nurse experience. From such articulation will a theory and scientific-artistic profession of nursing ever mold, flow, and form.

WORDS DISTINCTLY HUMAN: LIMITING, YET HUMANIZING

Through words we humanly share the meaning to us of our behavior, experience, and profession. Words attest to and endure. Thus, a professional history is possible, accrues, and has lasting duration. The study of the nursing event itself and its conceptualization as proposed in humanistic nursing practice theory is an application of phenomenology. Articulation of our perspective, experience, and ideas is the human way of phenomenology.

Words are symbols to which man gives meaning as an outgrowth of his civilization within his culture. Through words man attempts to communicatively describe his experienced states of being-in-his-world. In describing, of necessity, he relegates his uniquely known experiences to already known word symbols or categories. Thus, the conceptualized experience is limited, or less real than the lived unique experience. So, while words prevent the loss of the wisdom of lived experience, they are both a wonder of humanness and a limitation of humanness.

In describing human experiences there are efforts that can cut back this limitation. If we truly wish to convey meaning to others, really want to share what we have experienced in living, we will put forth the effort. To put forth such effort requires going beyond "I must publish to publish." It takes writing, structuring, rewriting, and restructuring often to a point where for a period one comes to hate materials he once held dear.

Through the years many of us come to use words as a means of passing a course, or we view words as a mode for self-explosion, expression, and self-understanding. In these ways they hold much purpose. The requirement that words convey unique experiences of being to others demands much more. This necessitates one selecting words that depict one's perspective, his unique human angular view; or depict for another, this particular man as he perceives and responds to his unique experience. Such a depiction has to be unknown to the other; each one's vantage point, given his history as an existent in this time and place, is singular. Then it requires finding words and putting them {61} together in a way that best conveys the meaning the nursing event had to the nurse. An adequate dictionary and thesaurus can be useful.

The actual presentation of experience for an audience demands an ordering of data in a sequence that will be sensibly logical for them. We live experience in an order that flows from our being and history within a multiplicity of calls and responses. Presently human expression is limited to sequentiality. So again we see that the conceptualized experience is different from and lacks the reality of the uniquely lived event. Structuring a logical sequential presentation of data, deciding on those aspects that influenced meaning, and having it conform as closely as possible to the real is difficult.

Often, when it seems that one has done his very best, it is wise to have a trusted other react to conceptualizations. Another's questions can bring to the conceptualizer's awareness thought connections that moved him along and that he has failed to convey. Also, such a reader can indicate aspects of thought trips the writer took that add nothing to the issue at stake and weaken his message. Too, another's response can make apparent to a writer the need to clarify meaning. This clarification may merely entail a better choice of words or phrases, or it may suggest the use of a meaningful metaphor, analogy, or parable.

These last imaginative forms of expression we frequently use meaningfully, sometimes like a shorthand, with our intimates. A phrase, metaphor, or analogy conveys with an immediacy the quality or spirit of an event. For example, a nurse working in a psychiatric hospital unit speaking of a patient said, "He came down the hall looking like an accident about to happen." A page of technical description could not have given me as much feeling for what she and the patient were experiencing at that moment. In nurses' efforts to express objectively, scientifically, and eruditely such modes of expression are often deleted from our written professional works. It is as if we enforce the rules of medical record charting of precision, conciseness, and use of "weasel" words onto all our written works to the detriment of a theoretical and professional enduring body of nursing knowledge being actualized. It takes considerable pain and endeavor to find egress from such human programming. With it we have purified, equalized, wearied, and dehumanized supreme experiences of human existence. And, we have negated the meaning and importance of ourselves and nursing. How often have you heard, "I am just a nurse"?

Phenomenology requires rigorous investment into respectfully, appreciatively, and acceptingly making evident our lived worlds and their ramifications for the now, the past, and the anticipated future. Nursing literature of this caliber would call and inspire those who attended it to further nursing practice and responsibly share the meaning they attribute to their area of specialized dedication.

The raw data of our lived nursing worlds do not easily reveal their meanings or messages. Many see their worlds only superficially, and themselves as mere functions. How often a nurse is surprised, confounded, on hearing a relative or friend speak of a nursing event in their lives that may have occurred {62} from 10 to 40 years previously. Frequently persons express appreciation for the meaning these events have had for them through the years. They remember the pleasure, anger, pain, fear, and/or joy they experienced.

It is not loose performance that allows raw data to convey its message to a nurse. New data are sucked easily and immediately into old, worn out, known theoretical frames and networks of words. Severe self-discipline enters into describing nursing experience with the vigor of how it was lived. Too easily the description is let fall to mediocre common forms. Proper grammar and plain English should suffice. This would carry the nursing message, as jargon borrowed from other disciplines in which the nurse always speaks as an alien, never will. Humanistic nursing practice theory in asking for description does not ask one to forget or deny known terms and knowledge. Rather it asks for a bracketing or holding of this knowledge to the side. The nursing experience should be given an opportunity to be seen in its pure form, rather than forcing it to conform to foreign prestigious terms borrowed from other areas of specialization, which beg the meaning of the nursing event. Prior to dispersion, of course, one should weigh one's expression in English against one's expression in one's known foreign jargon. Then one will be open to choose how one wants to express and share the meaning of her nursing world.

Phenomenology accepts categorization as a necessity of communicating. It holds, nevertheless, that this is secondary to initial aware experiencing. This study method acknowledges the unfathomable complexity of existing and knowing. It strives for as adequate conceptualization of the existential experience as possible. It honors the knowing person's continued capacity for surprise and wonderment. Phenomenology asks us to go beyond the common labels to the surprise of our own and other's unique existences-in-the-world. A nurse who had been struggling over many months with a family in their home, on the day she first experienced an "I-Thou" relationship with them said, "It was as if I had gone beyond the uncooperativeness and dirtiness of the situation." Immediacy in labeling offers us the complacency and security of a wrapped up problem. How could a nurse be held responsible for what happened to a "dirty," "uncooperative" family. The many commonly heard labels humans attribute inhumanely to others rarely relate to answers in situations or to the dreadful human suffering problems generate.

Phenomenology seeks attestation of the meaning of a situation to a participant. Positivism seeks general objective categories within the universal. Phenomenology prizes differences, variations, and struggles for their representation as parts of the whole. Rather than emphasize the majority as holding sway, it recognizes that the unique contribution can possibly be the weightiest in meaning. {63}

THE PROCESS: BECOMING A FREE RESPONSIBLE RESEARCH NURSE

For a nurse to become a free responsible research nurse in the health arena she accepts her lived nursing world as beyond the controls valued in positivistic science. She appreciates her lived nursing world as saturated with knowledge to be extracted or wrung. Then she must examine, recognize, appreciate, and unfold her history, her angular view, and her human nurse potential. In prizing her view, as nurse, she will ask relevant nursing questions. To attain her potential as nurse she will discipline herself rigorously for authenticity with the self. With the self-acceptance that comes with self-authenticity she will know the importance of the difference she and the nursing profession make and can make in the community of man. Then out of her own human social need and for the survival of nursing she will describe to propel knowledge, nursing theory, and practice forward. In this process and in its effects she will become more human as she contributes to man's humanization.

FOOTNOTES:

[1] Martin Buber, Between Man and Man, trans. Ronald Gregor Smith (Boston: Beacon Press, 1955), p. 93.

[2] Carl G. Jung, Modern Man in Search of a Soul, trans. W. S. Dell and Cary F. Baynes (New York: Harcourt, Brace and World, 1933), p. 169.

{64} {65}

6

THE LOGIC OF A PHENOMENOLOGICAL METHODOLOGY PERSPECTIVE: ANGULAR VIEW

In humanistic nursing practice theory we, Dr. Zderad and myself, propose that nursing practice when studied, like any other area studied, will only become available for human conceptualization if the study methods are appropriate to its nature. Therefore, the methodology presented in this chapter is relevant to humanistic nursing practice theory.

Embraced within this chapter is a methodology for studying nursing that evolved out of the process of my nursing practice. The logic of this method and of my process of nursing are one. It is not a method of another discipline superimposed on nursing. So this method did not force nursing or change nursing to have it mold or conform. As this method unfolded it arose from and in accord with nursing process. This methodology came into being only after years in which various attempts were made to get positivistic methodology to answer relevant nursing questions and to develop a professional scientific theory of nursing.

The method presented here was used initially to creatively conceptualize nursing constructs in 1967-68. The data for the development of the constructs "comfort" and "clinical" were gathered from my clinical nursing practice and while I was deeply engrossed in existential readings. The process or method used was not conceptualized until it was called for while writing my doctoral dissertation in 1968. It had then been used to study the clinical literary works of two psychiatric mental health nurses, Theresa G. Muller and Ruth Gilbert.[1] Its conceptualization at that time was rudimentary. Gradually it has been further conceptualized. "From a Philosophy of Nursing to a Method of {66} Nursology," an article published in Nursing Research in 1972, was my next attempt.[2] Graduate nursing students studied this article and repeated the process of the methodology in their studies of their clinical nursing data. Reflecting on this article and realizing how others had to study and struggle with it. I became aware that still only the bare bones of my thinking were presented. Further elaboration of this methodology was called forth to share it with the humanistic nursing practice theory course participants. Since 1970 I have delved into phenomenologists' writings and at this time can say that this process of studying nursing is a phenomenological method of nursology. Interesting to me is that the initiation of this method came when I first began to read the existentialist literature. Existentialism can be viewed as the fruits of phenomenological study. The process of this method has become clearer and clearer to me over time. Phenomenologically the process or method has grown out of the reality of the "thing itself" to be studied, in this case, clinical nursing practice.

This chapter then is the result of reflecting on these past efforts and is a conceptualization of this method as I understand it now.

The following quote is offered to support and validate the efforts put into conceptualizing this method. The philosopher of science Abraham Kaplan says

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