NUMB by Judy Colella (the best books to read .txt) đ
- Author: Judy Colella
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The woman agreed, picked up a hospital-issue cell phone, and requested an orderlyâs assistance. âIâll have him show you the various places here youâll need to know about.â
âPlaces?â That photo on the wall has flowers the same shade asâŠNO! STOP! No flowers. Nothing. Nothing is in my head. No memories. No thoughts.
âWell, the Recreation Room, the Library, the Dispensary where you have to go every day for your meds, things like that.â
He blinked, stared, and said nothing in reply â he couldnât. As she reached the end of her sentence, he was gone.
When the orderly left him, Jett had no idea where he was, no recollection about getting there, or how or when heâd changed clothes. He was in a room, but where? A room, unpleasant yet welcome because of that. He sat on the bed, reached over and switched off the light, then stared out through glass that wasnât normal. He couldnât see what was outside, nor did he care to know.
Well. Would you like to play a number puzzle? No? All right. How about a song, then? Ooh, no, sorry. What to do, what to do. Must do something. Something physical and intense so thinking is impossible. Hmm. Sit-ups? No. Too routine and boring, too easy to drift into mind-pictures. Jogging in place. That couldâŠno. Stupid. Whatâs that mean? Am I stupid? Am I idiotic? What a nice idea! Ha-ha! Yes! Iâll be idiotic for a while! La-la-laâŠWhat an unattractive lamp! Itâs too big for the room, and the color is gross. Well, then! I wonât use it. Nope. Iâll refuse to turn it on for the rest of the night â thatâll show âem!
What to do, what to do. Need to move, do something. Canât keep sitting here, no, have to move. Shut up! Stop it! No, no, no, not thinking! NOT THINKING, THANK YOU!
Ha. Thereâs what I need to do! Jett got up and went to the thick exposed pipe running up the wall in one corner. He made a fist and punched it. Hard. Again. Again. The other fist. Over and over. Then he slammed into it with one shoulder. Kicked it. Ran into it with the other shoulder. Staggered backward, raised his head and screamed.
DarknessâŠ
âŠShards of light. Eyelids splitting open. Pain. Both hands were broken. He wouldnât have known â or cared â except heâd heard someone say it. Somewhere. When? Who knew when? Didnât matter. Painful, though. He raised one and stared with innocent curiosity at the cast covering all but the tips of his fingers. The other one was also housed in plaster.
Something was dislocated, too, heâd heard. And another something broken. He wondered what was for about a tenth of a second, then chose to stop wondering. It didnât matter. Nothing mattered. The view was telling him he was on his back, but he didnât bother to consider why, or where heâd awoken. Turning his head, he noticed a thin, clear, plastic hose coming fromâŠhis arm? Oh. It was connected to something overhead.
Thatâs why the pain isnât worse, you see.
But I want it to be worse. That would be glorious. Nothing to occupy my mind except to deal with pain.
Smiling, he sat up, slid off the bed, noticing something heavy was covering his right foot. Hard to walk, but possible. After moving far enough from the IV pouch where it was connected to the head of the bed so that the hose was extended as far as it could go, Jett yanked his arm in the opposite direction. The needle was torn from his vein, and he was immediately overwhelmed with a wave of agony that began at his hands and right foot, swept inward toward each other, and met at his shoulders. Unable to breathe, he fell to the floor where he offered himself to this new god, begging for more physical misery, welcoming it.
Until he could find another way to distract himself from hard reality, this would have to do.
At some point, although he couldnât have said what point, someone entered whatever space he was in, said some strong four-letter words, and got him back onto the bed.
âWhat the hell happened?â
What the hell happened? When? Who is this person? Do I know him? I donât want to be on this bed.
âHere you go. You couldâve ruptured an artery, guy.â
Please donât put that crap back into myâŠaaahh. How niceâŠit feelsâŠNO! He began thrashing around, trying once more to dislodge the IV.
âShit! Ouch! QuitâŠson of aâŠâ The man stopped trying to communicate and spent the rest of his energy strapping Jett to the bed. âYou do realize youâre paying us to keep you alive, yes? So knock it off! Donât you dare try something like this again!â
Fine. Hit me, then. I wonât mind. And why would I pay you to keep me alive? Who are you? Who amâŠnope. Not going there. Donât want to â ouch â know. Sleepy, dammitâŠwhatâd you just do? Give me a shot? Why? What wuzâŠinâtâŠ.aw, no dreamsâŠno dâŠ.
âŠâŠ.
âWhy do you look so sad, Jett?â
âYou know why.â
âMaybe you need to tell me. Consider it therapy.â She took one of his hands and kissed it, then laid it against her heart. âI love you, Jett.â
âPlease, âTarah. Donât.â
They were standing on a hill that might have been in Tuscany, or maybe â maybe it was that place near his parentsâ house. He couldnât tell; he had never been good at identifying the odd places his dreams took him.
At this moment, though, his dream had brought Atarah back to him, and he wanted to run.
âWhatâs wrong, my love?â She reached out and brushed her fingers across his mouth.
âHow can you ask that? You â youâre â youâre dead, âTarah. Dead.â
âAm I? Search your heart, beloved. Wouldnât you have sensed me departing this earth when it happened? You didnât? Then maybe it didnât happen.â She circled him with her arms, resting her head on his shoulder.
âThat hurts.â
âWhat does?â
âI, um, I injured myself.â
She pulled back enough to look up into his eyes. âWhy would you do something like that, Jett?â
âTo keep myself from thinking about you. About how youâre dead.â Wow, that really sounds stupid.
âAm I? You could be wrong about that. Everyone could be wrong about that. About me being shark bait.â She grinned, displaying a mouthful of shark-like teeth. âMay I have a nibble, sweet Jett?â
With horror, he flung her away and turned, planning to run as far as he could from the nightmare chuckling behind him. Only he couldnât. In a classic bad-dream moment, he found his feet anchored to the ground. Looking down quickly, he saw ankle-weights had somehow been attached, both of them bearing a tag that told him they were a thousand pounds each.
âOne ear. Let me bite off one ear. You may keep the other, and one day, Iâll chisel you a new one from green marble.â
âStop it! For the love of God, stop it! Leave me alone!â
âYou have my permission to use a nasty word, Jett. Youâre such a goody-goody all the time, itâll be cathartic to give in to the call of profanity. And while youâre screaming the F-bomb, Iâll help myself to your ear, okay?â
Unable to take it, he bellowed his rage and broke free of the weights, only to find himself plummeting downward with no recollection of there having been a place to fall into. The speed of his bodyâs descent into this inexplicable abyss sang like a monsoon in his ears. He could only hope that heâd hit the bottom hard enough to die instantly.
Instead, he woke up. Daylight now coming in the window. He was still on the bed, still in restraints, a face that was distantly familiar staring down at him.
âThat mustâve been some nightmare, buddy. You nearly broke the straps! Anyway, Iâll take them off if you promise not to pull another stunt like the one you tried two days ago that put you in strap-down in the first place.â
Did that make sense? What did he say? Iâve been asleep for two days? What? Why? No. Donât want to know. No thinking, okay?
So he yelled instead. No words, just the satisfying feel of his throat going raw. He kept at it for as long as he could, which wasnât all that long. A needle-prick in his arm.
Lights out.
ââŠtrue. Donât think Iâve ever seen anyone as torn up about losing someone as this guy. I mean, he really did go off the deep-end about it.â
âCanât blame him, though. Theyâd come back from their honeymoon, what, three weeks before the accident? And have you ever seen her?â
âWho hasnât? I mean, no disrespect intended, but daaaanggg! Would certainly never turn down a shot at that body! And those â ow! Damn it!â
âLooks like thereâs still someone in there, bro.â
âShut up. The son of a bitch nearly crushed my finger!â
Laughter. âImagine what he could have done if he was awake, unrestrained, and didnât have those casts. Have you forgotten who he is?â
âShit. No.â Shuffle, rustle, sigh.
âWe done?â
âYeah. The sedative is obviously wearing off, though. May I please increase his dosage?â
âUh, no. Canât â too much morphine in his system right now, remember?âMore shuffle, rustle, sigh. A clunk â something being closed, perhaps. âOkay. Letâs go. Freakinâ â I better have this checked. It really hurts.â
Footsteps retreating. Door shutting. Solitary confinement re-established.
Morphine? Is that why I canât open my eyes? Whatever. Now what? I feel so strange. Wonder what else theyâve done to me? Am I still â
âThere you go, sweetie.â
âMom?â He stared at her, horribly confused until he realized he was dreaming again. Must have dozed off â crap.
âWell? Are you going to take this, or do you expect me to stand here holding it for the rest of the day?â She raised both hands. In them was a large trophy shaped like a boxing glove.
âWait â I won this when I was twelve!â
âAnd since you still are, I fail to see the significance of your observation.â She put her head to one side, her features finally folding into a deep scowl. âOh, for the love of God, Jett! Take this and put it back on the shelf! It weighs a ton!â
âOh.â He grabbed it, noticing as he did that his hands were not only free of the casts, they were smaller somehow. What â hold on. What had she said? That he was still twelve? How? Oh, right! Iâm having a dream here. May as well go with it. âEr, sorry, Mom.â He turned around and saw in front of him the huge trophy-display shelf next to his desk. Why had he removed this one?
âBy the way, Mrs. Clemson next door asked if you could help her with the toilet paper. Honestly â why do kids do that? Donât they know that aside from looking silly, the stuff can actually kill the tree if it isnât all removed?â
âI doubt they do. Itâs not like they teach us stuff like that in school.â Why did they t-p her treeâŠI remember that happening on Halloween when I â right. I was twelve! Aha! So what am I doing back here? âAnyway, sure. Iâll help. I donât think sheâll be able to climb that tree.â Then again, this is a dreamâŠ
âThanks, hon. By the way, before he left, your coach recommended you try out for the track team in the spring. He says youâre very fast.â
Right. This was when I started thinking about field sports. Which led, of course, to my being involved in track and field in college, which led to the OlympicsâŠAtarah. Shit. I want to wake up, now.
âWhy? Is thinking of me that unpleasant, Jett?â
Oh, God. âNo. Why would you even ask that? Whatâs unpleasant is remembering that youâre dead! Leave me alone! You arenât real!â
He was no longer in his house, but standing in the bleachers of his old High School, overlooking the oval track where heâd first been observed by the Universityâs athletic
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