Stalky & Co. by Rudyard Kipling (young adult books to read .txt) đ
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âIsnât the Old Boysâ match sacred, too, sir?â said Perowne. The Old Boysâ match was the event of the Easter term.
âWeâll hope they arenât in training. Now for the list. First I want Flint. Itâs the Euclid that does it. You must work deductions with me. Perowne, extra mechanical drawing. Dawson goes to Mr. King for extra Latin, and Venner to me for German. Have I damaged the First Fifteen much?â He smiled sweetly.
âRuined it, Iâm afraid, sir,â said Flint. âCanât you let us off till the end of the term?â
âImpossible. It will be a tight squeeze for Sandhurst this year.â
âAnd all to be cut up by those vile Afghans, too,â said Dawson. âWouldnât think thereâd be so much competition, would you?â
âOh, that reminds me. Crandall is coming down with the Old BoysâIâve asked twenty of them, but we shanât get more than a weak team. I donât know whether heâll be much use, though. He was rather knocked about, recovering poor old Duncanâs body.â
âCrandall majorâthe Gunner?â Perowne asked.
âNo, the minorââToffeeâ Crandallâin a native infantry regiment. He was almost before your time, Perowne.â
âThe papers didnât say anything about him. We read about Fat-Sow, of course. Whatâs Crandall done. sir?â
âIâve brought over an Indian paper that his mother sent me. It was rather aâhefty, I think you sayâpiece of work. Shall I read it?â The Head knew how to read. When he had finished the quarter-column of close type everybody thanked him politely.
âGood for the old Coll.!â said Perowne. âPity he wasnât in time to save Fat-Sow, though. Thatâs nine to us, isnât it, in the last three years?â
âYes⊠And I took old Duncan off all games for extra-tu. five years ago this term,â said the Head. âBy the way, who do you hand over the Games to, Flint?â
âHavenât thought yet. Whoâd you recommend, sir?â
âNo, thank you. Iâve heard it casually hinted behind my back that the Prooshan Bates is a downy bird, but he isnât going to make himself responsible for a new Head of the Games. Settle it among yourselves. Good-night.â
âAnd thatâs the man,â said Flint, when the door shut, âthat you want to bother with a dameâs school row.â
âI was only pullinâ your fat leg,â Perowne returned, hastily. âYouâre so easy to draw, Flint.â
âWell, never mind that. The Headâs knocked the First Fifteen to bits, and weâve got to pick up the pieces, or the Old Boys will have a walk-over. Letâs promote all the Second Fifteen and make Big Side play up. Thereâs heaps of talent somewhere that we can polish up between now and the match.â
The case was represented so urgently to the school that even Stalky and McTurk, who affected to despise football, played one Big-Side game seriously. They were forthwith promoted ere their ardor had time to cool, and the dignity of their Caps demanded that they should keep some show of virtue. The match-team was worked at least four days out of seven, and the school saw hope ahead.
With the last week of the term the Old Boys begat to arrive, and their welcome was nicely proportioned to their worth. Gentlemen cadets from Sandhurst and Woolwich, who had only left a year ago, but who carried enormous side, were greeted with a cheerful âHullo! Whatâs the Shop like?â from those who had shared their studies. Militia subalterns had more consideration, but it was understood they were not precisely of the true metal. Recreants who, failing for the Army, had gone into business or banks were received for old sakeâs sake, but in no way made too much of. But when the real subalterns, officers and gentlemen full-blownâwho had been to the ends of the earth and back again and so carried no sideâcame on the scene strolling about with the Head, the school divided right and left in admiring silence. And when one laid hands on Flint, even upon the Head of the Games crying, âGood Heavens! What do you mean by growing in this way? You were a beastly little fag when I left,â visible haloes encircled Flint. They would walk to and fro in the corridor with the little red school-sergeant, telling news of old regiments; they would burst into form-rooms sniffing the well-remembered smells of ink and whitewash; they would find nephews and cousins in the lower forms and present them with enormous wealth; or they would invade the gymnasium and make Foxy show off the new stock on the bars.
Chiefly, though, they talked with the Head, who was father-confessor and agent-general to them all; for what they shouted in their unthinking youth, they proved in their thoughtless manhoodâto wit, that the Prooshan Bates was âa downy bird.â Young blood who had stumbled into an entanglement with a pastry-cookâs daughter at Plymouth; experience who had come into a small legacy but mistrusted lawyers; ambition halting at cross-roads, anxious to take the one that would lead him farthest; extravagance pursued by the money-lender; arrogance in the thick of a regimental rowâeach carried his trouble to the Head; and Chiron showed him, in language quite unfit for little boys, a quiet and safe way round, out, or under. So they overflowed his house, smoked his cigars, and drank his health as they had drunk it all the earth over when two or three of the old school had foregathered.
âDonât stop smoking for a minute,â said the Head. âThe more youâre out of training the better for us. Iâve demoralized the First Fifteen with extra-tu.â
âAh, but weâre a scratch lot. Have you told âem we shall need a substitute even if Crandall can play?â said a Lieutenant of Engineers with a D.S.O. to his credit.
âHe wrote me heâd play, so he canât have been much hurt. Heâs coming down to-morrow morning.â
âCrandall minor that was, and brought off poor Duncanâs body?â The Head nodded. âWhere are you going to put him? Weâve turned you out of house and home already, Head Sahib.â This was a Squadron Commander of Bengal Lancers, home on leave.
âIâm afraid heâll have to go up to his old dormitory. You know old boys can claim that privilege. Yes, I think little Crandall minor must bed down there once more.â
âBates Sahib ââa Gunner flung a heavy arm round the Headâs neckââyouâve got something up your sleeve. Confess! I know that twinkle.â
âCanât you see, you cuckoo?â a Submarine Miner interrupted. âCrandall goes up to the dormitory as an object-lesson, for moral effect and so forth. Isnât that true, Head Sahib?â
âIt is. You know too much, Purvis. I licked you for that in â79.â
âYou did, sir, and itâs my private belief you chalked the cane.â
âN-no. But Iâve a very straight eye. Perhaps that misled you.â
That opened the flood-gates of fresh memories, and they all told tales out of school.
When Crandall minor that wasâLieutenant R. Crandall of an ordinary Indian regimentâarrived from Exeter on the morning of the match, he was cheered along the whole front of the College, for the prefects had repeated the sense of that which the Head had read them in Flintâs study. When Proutâs house understood that he would claim his Old Boyâs right to a bed for one night, Beetle ran into Kingâs house next door and executed a public âgloatâ up and down the enemyâs big form-room, departing in a haze of inkpots.
âWhat dâyou take any notice of those rotters for?â said Stalky, playing substitute for the Old Boys, magnificent in black jersey, white knickers, and black stockings. âI talked to him up in the dormitory when he was changinâ. Pulled his sweater down for him. Heâs cut about all over the armsâhorrid purply ones. Heâs goinâ to tell us about it to-night. I asked him to when I was lacinâ his boots.â
âWell, you have got cheek,â said Beetle, enviously.
âSlipped out before I thought. But he wasnât a bit angry. Heâs no end of a chap. I swear, Iâm goinâ to play up like beans. Tell Turkey!â
The technique of that match belongs to a bygone age. Scrimmages were tight and enduring; hacking was direct and to the purpose; and around the scrimmage stood the school, crying, âPut down your heads and shove!â Toward the end everybody lost all sense of decency, and mothers of dayboys too close to the touch-line heard language not included in the bills. No one was actually carried off the field, but both sides felt happier when time was called, and Beetle helped Stalky and McTurk into their overcoats. The two had met in the many-legged heart of things, and, as Stalky said, had âdone each other proud.â As they swaggered woodenly behind the teamsâ substitutes do not rank as equals of hairy menâthey passed a pony-carriage near the wall, and a husky voice cried, âWell played. Oh, played indeed!â It was Stettson major, white-checked and hollow-eyed, who had fought his way to the ground under escort of an impatient coachman.
âHullo, Stettson,â said Stalky, checking. âIs it safe to come near you yet?â
âOh, yes. Iâm all right. They wouldnât let me out before, but I had to come to the match. Your mouth looks pretty plummy.â
âTurkey trod on it accidental-done-a-purpose. Well, Iâm glad youâre better, because we owe you something. You and your membranes got us into a sweet mess, young man.â
âI heard of that,â said the boy, giggling. âThe Head told me.â
âDooce he did! When?â
âOh, come on up to Coll. My shinâll stiffen if we stay jawinâ here.â
âShut up, Turkey. I want to find out about this. Well?â
âHe was stayinâ at our house all the time I was ill.â
âWhat for? Neglectinâ the Coll. that way? âThought he was in town.â
âI was off my head, you know, and they said I kept on callinâ for him.â
âCheek! Youâre only a day-boy.â
âHe came just the same, and he about saved my life. I was all bunged up one nightâjust goinâ to croak, the doctor saidâand they stuck a tube or somethinâ in my throat, and the Head sucked out the stuff.â
âUgh! âShot if I would!â
âHe ought to have got diphtheria himself, the doctor said. So he stayed on at our house instead of going back. Iâd haâ croaked in another twenty minutes, the doctor says.â
Here the coachman, being under orders, whipped up and nearly ran over the three.
âMy Hat!â said Beetle. âThatâs pretty average heroic.â
âPretty average!â McTurkâs knee in the small of his back cannoned him into Stalky, who punted him back. âYou ought to be hung!â
âAnd the Head ought to get the V.C.,â said Stalky. âWhy, he might have been dead and buried by now. But he wasnât. But he didnât. Ho! ho! He just nipped through the hedge like a lusty old blackbird. Extra-special, five hundred lines, anâ gated for a weekâall sereno!â
âIâve read oâ somethinâ like that in a book,â said Beetle. âGummy, what a chap! Just think of it!â
âIâm thinking,â said McTurk; and he delivered a wild Irish yell that made the team turn round.
âShut your fat mouth,â said Stalky, dancing with impatience. âLeave it to your Uncle Stalky, and heâll have the Head on toast. If you say a word, Beetle, till I give you leave, I swear Iâll slay you. HabeoCapitem_crinibus_minimis._ Iâve got him by the short hairs! Now look as if nothing had happened.â
There was no need of guile. The school was too busy cheering the drawn match. It hung round the lavatories regardless of muddy boots while the team washed. It cheered Crandall minor whenever it caught sight of him, and it cheered more wildly than ever after prayers, because the Old Boys in evening dress, openly twirling their mustaches, attended, and instead of standing with the masters, ranged themselves along the wall immediately
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