Alpha by James Bernard Myers (rooftoppers .txt) 📖

Alpha

I really do not know where to begin on what I feel and how I feel at this time in my life and timesthat I have been here on this planet that we call the rock? I know for a fact that I have tried to kill everything that was wrong with me and to no avail I have failed at every end of it. I have tried to take the short way out by trying to end my life as I speak. I know for a fact that is the coward way of going out instead of letting God do his will for my life. I know that I have done some bad things and some things that were not of the Will of God and I know that now I have to pay for those crimes. As you noticed I did not say sins and I will tell you why I chose not to use the word sins in my life because of how I feel about what has transpired in my life. I was one that has been into a lot of things and still till this day I am still in a mess of shit that I know that will not be moved out of my life because of what I have done to the creator that has created me to take on a task probably to hard for me to handle. I do know that God will not put no more on us than we can bear, but in our minds and in our souls we can deal with it but we do not want to deal with it and why is that. This is a mystery that will stand the test of time of man. Man has no clue to what is expected of us and what it is that we ought to be doing to better the place that we call earth. Now let me ask you all a question? Do you feel that we can be redeemed as a race, do you feel that we can go back and get things to where they need to be, do think that we can live the life that was ordained for us? Ask yourself this question and then take a good look at where you are today. I am sorry, do we even know how to take a look at what is around us to know where we have failed, or are we to busy trying to look at everything that others are doing? Are we to busy trying to live the life of someone else, are we to busy trying to talk for others and make them out to what we should have been? Well I will say that all above is true to all of us and what we do on a daily basis. Now take this scenario and let’s look at what would happen if the tables were truly turned? We all know what the white mans burden would be. Now just imagine the burden of the rich and the wealthy? Can you see all of them in holes and ditches trying to find a spot to sleep and food to eat and place just to go to get peace of mind? I know that there are those that have been put in a state of mind that will be with them for a while but I beg to differ on some of us who are out and ass out with not a penny to throw at a stone. A wise man once told me that there are those that dig ditches that ought to be on top and those that are on top should be down in the dirt. If you have spent time just to see the hearts and the minds and souls of those that are down and out they have the ability to be right where they ought to be but by the standards of this world this place of so called freedom and this place called society, you would think that there would not be any drama on the part of world hunger and misfortune. Just think of the place in other countries that have the same things going on in their world as we have here in these so called United Stated of America. What does that mean to be united in the states, what does it mean to trust in God, what does it mean to be of one sound mind, in body and spirit? Why do other people come to this place of the united states? Do they come thinking that they can have better opportunities than they had back in their country, or are thy coming to plague the place so they can fit it for them selves like the white race is trying to do now. Stop trying to fit things for yourself and fit things for everybody. We have to learn how to get into a place and state of mind that we are all in the same boat. Speaking of same boat what do feel about the thousands that were brought over here by not their own will but by the will of the white race? We had people on those ships that were brought here against their will and they knew that it was going to be a tough ride, but do you think for one minute that fought each other, no they stood together to try to conquer the man that has brought them over against their will. They stood and they fought for their freedom. It was either they die or one of them died. Just go back and take a good look at what the Africans did for themselves and others that would eventually follow, they made a way for them and that is what we have to do today is make a way for those that will come after and think about them. But that is a good point, do we even think about our children and what they have to go through because of what we have not done or what we will not do to better ourselves and our nation as a whole. I do not want to sound and look like that I am mad at the world because I am not, I am just trying to get the world to know what we have to do and where we need to go in order to get peace and serenity. The bible tells us that the children of Israel had to suffer for the sins of their parents and that is what we are living today is the sins of those that have come before us and we will continue to suffer unless we all take a stand and look at the real reality of it all. God has been fed up with us since the time of Adam and Eve and it is just to late to try to start things over and get them to where we think that we ought to be. I know that it sounds and little contradictory but it is showing us what we lack and that is the knowledge and the mind of Christ who has made us out of the Image of His Father the true Father of this country and this nation and this world. So what do we do now that we have been so called educated on what has been going on for centuries at a time. Do we even know if there is a chance again to start over, is there room for growth, is there any room at all? That is what we do not know and that just kills us to not know if there is going to be this and that. We just have to live our lives and live like it is going to be the last day on earth. If we take a lesson from the children of the Israelites then we can then know where as a nation where we stand and then we can start to move on it and just hope and just pray that God can see that we are sincere in our prayers and our wanting to go right and just to look at us from the inside first and not the outside. I do not want to get into the bible and all, but I am just trying to make a point that we have to really start to look at how God really intended for man live and for man to survive this so called life that we are taking advantage of. My job is to only give you what is in my heart and in my soul. There is a book out by W.E.B. Dubois, it gives us an account of the souls of black folks. I have not read the book yet but I am sure that it is a good reader and really to the point of how we as the black race feel and what is in our souls. We have been so put to shame for so many years till we do not know whether we are coming or going. I am just a pawn in the game of life right now, I am just one of those that have not had the real chance to show what I have been and who I am really supposed to be and what my real job is here on earth. I am just trying to find my space and live in it and be happy. I have allowed God to use me and just take my life at his expense and show me what is really wrong with me and why things really happen. We can not allow others to dictate who we are and what we do, only God can do these things and judge us on how we perceive life and live this life. We often times let others know what we are doing wrong and what we have to do and what we do not realize is that God has already made plans for our lives and we just have to accept it and run with it. Why do we not really grasp this and why do we not know what God has done for us. We have to be reeducated on life and what our purpose is in this life. We may not like the way that we live or the way that things have come out, but we have to know that this is the only way that it is going to be from here on out. I do not know what else to say about this but just know that we are just actors on the stage of life. We are just actors that God has chosen for his production and that production is what we call “Life”. We are just puppets on a string and we are just moving because God allows us to move, we can’t move without him, we can’t do anything without him and we never will so stop trying to do things on your own and let God direct you and put you where he wants you. We as a nation try to play God and try to play a role that was not meant for us to play, but at the same time we still try to do things that are