Living with cancer by David In Ireland (best books for 7th graders txt) 📖

I felt more at ease with what was going on around me and I felt obliged to let some of my family know how I was getting on, especially as I had said I did not want to speak to people. So I blogged my story on the net. The idea of writing started to change when some people started to contact me as they had seen my blogs on the web. I had not told anyone other than a few family and friends but soon I was receiving emails from strangers wishing me well.

'My wife' is Niamh.

'My daughters' are Sorcha and Jessica.

When this all began it was November 2007. As I write this now it is November 2008. Niamh was 39, Sorcha was 13 and Jessica was 10. I was 41.

They were all too young to have to deal with cancer.

Each of us have had to deal with cancer in our own way. It has had its impact on our lives in a way I never thought imaginable. We all do our best to live as normal a life as possible but cancer is always a part of everyday life.

Niamh and myself live a 'couple' life. When we are not working we are almost always together. We spend every free moment as a couple or as a family. We have chosen to do this for years, it makes us happy and that makes us stronger. Over the years we have let friends move off into the distance, allowing us to live a free life of our choosing. We are not dependant on anyone, our fun is together. I know many couples live like that, but some will not understand.

Myself and Niamh talk freely and openly about the cancer, but we never talk about death. We do not speak of "after I'm gone". There have been times where we have had to discuss the practical side of our future. I cannot get life insurance, this means that if we choose to move house we cannot get a new policy. Actually, Niamh can, but I can't. So we had to discuss the practical reality of "if I died".

When I lie in bed, listening to Niamh breath (a gently ladylike breath, not a snore like an elephant) I think of how she will get through my death. I think of how lonely she will be. How friends and family will continue with their lives and she will be left alone. I know she will find love again because she is beautiful, inside and out. She has so many qualities that every man would be attracted to. I love her, and I would want her to fall in love again.


WHAT HAS CANCER THOUGHT ME?

I was going through life, without a care in the world. I was asleep to pain and suffering. It would be fair to say that cancer woke me up. Not a gentle waking up like on a sunny Saturday morning, but a waking that causes a shock to the system, like sleeping late on a Monday.

I can still clearly remember my consultants face on the day I was told I had cancer. I could see in his eyes that he did not want to shatter my life, but he had to.

The second I realised it was cancer the earth began to have a stronger gravity effect on me, I became a dead weight.

Every dream went. Every bit of hope went. Future became a word for others.

I cried, so hard, it hurt.

But what made me cry? Were they tears for me, for my loss? No. They were tears for Niamh, Sorcha & Jessica. What were they about to go through. If I die, how will they be? Will I get to be a part of their future?

I thought of my friends who lost a parent when we were kids. I thought of how they were changed by it.

My constant fear was to leave a wife with no husband. To leave two children with no father. That was it, I was not concerned about my death, only of who I was leaving behind.

My mind was opened by having cancer. I lost the future, but I learned to love the present.

None of us know if we will be hit by a bus today, but cancer is a bus driving towards you very quickly, it might not hit you today, but you are stuck in the middle of the road and it is going to hit you.

Spending so much time in hospital gave me a new appreciation of being home. I always enjoyed being home, but I now love it. I am grateful every day, for every day.


HOW TO DEAL WITH A CANCER PATIENT

The first thing I can say is 'deal with it'. Being told you have cancer puts you in a lonley place. Hardly anyone has the guts to visit you. You will find out who are your friends and who are just people you know.

There is only one word that you need to know, honesty. It is a simple enough word, we have all been thought about it since we were kids. Being honest involves discussing things that might be difficult to bring up, but once it is spoken about things improve for both of you.

The initial few days were impossible to get my head around, there were so many thoughts going through my head, darting quickly, positive then negative. It seemed to never end. But after the first week or so it became easier.

I built up a wall around me, I told everyone who would listen that I did not want to see anyone. I just needed Niamh and the girls in my life, I did not need anyone else.

The feeling of shame was quite strong, I still feel it a bit, but at the beginning it was unbearable. I am not sure if it was shame, but it felt like it.

If your 'good friend' is told they have cancer, they do need you, but they might give off signals that they do not need you. It is a mixed emotion.

I think being a guy might be part of the root of the problem for me, I felt 'unmanly' when I was brought to tears and I wanted to have those emotions under control before I had to deal with people. But once those emotions were no longer that fresh, it became easier to talk to people about it. So I guess some of us need time. Time to let it sink into our heads before we have to deal with people.

One of the most annoying things that you can possibly say is "you look amazing". We all know it is not true. If we look a bit better than the last time, then that is what you should say "you look a bit better than last time", not, as was said to me "you look better with no hair". If we look worse than last time, it is probably better to say nothing, unless asked, then be honest.

We feel crap, we look crap, lets just leave it at that.


HOW I WAS HAPPPY WITH CANCER


I have spent the past year in my own little cancer hell. But although I have been to hell, I have met angels, the wonderful people who work in all levels of health care.

The initial days of joining the world of oncology were some of the worst moments of my life. But there was a part of my brain that told me to continue with my education of bringing more happiness into my life.

So I began to smile, although often a fake smile, a smile made other people smile. This, I soon learned, helped me to smile without it being fake.

My days were often filled with hospitals. Sometimes there for a week, sometimes just the day. I was in for a week in every three weeks for 3 months with chemo and in every day for 2 months of radiation. The time spent with nurses, doctors, catering staff, administrators, was vast.

Many times people would say to me "you are very happy for someone with cancer".

I was not ignoring the cancer. I was not denying its existence. But I managed to get it into my head that every day is a day to be enjoyed wherever possible. So when I did not feel sick from chemo, I enjoyed my time.

There were days where I was not happy, days that I wanted to die. Days that seemed to last for weeks. Vomiting. Nausea. Pain. Meds.

These days were not kind to me. Physically I was as low as I could be brought to under chemotherapy. I felt like death. I looked like death. At times I even thought I wanted death.

When people tell you that you loose your hair from chemo, they never mention that you loose ALL of you hair. Every single hair on my body fell out. The obvious area is the head, I shaved the hair on my head off as soon as I started to see clumps of hair on my pillow. But I never though of eyebrows or eyelashes, or chest, back, legs, EVERYWHERE! Even ears and nose. With no hair in the nose, it can run like a tap. With no ear hair, balance can be a problem. With no eyelashes, eye infections appeared constantly for me.

With grey skin, no hair, rubber tube permenantly fitted into my chest for chemotherapy. Feeling like death, looking like death. I was like a combination of cartoon characters, homer mixed with shrek, with a touch of fester. Not a pretty sight. But there was still room for a smile, I just avoided mirrors, what did I need them for? brushing my hair?

I am realistic about my cancer. I am hopeful, but realistic. It is a fine art to balance the reality with hope.

My journey has been tough, but many many people go through a lot more than I have.

I have been luck enough to meet some of the most amazing people as a result of cancer, but also to see people in a different light.

I built up a wall around me when I was told I had cancer, I would not let people in, but some people climbed over that wall and I am so glad that they did. Some of my best friends knew me well enough to know that I needed some time to adjust but after a while they came back into my life. I am so happy that they did.

Sometimes, life is hard, but being happy is usually not that hard.

Happiness comes from within, we each have control over it. We choose to let it into our lives or we choose to keep it out of our lives.

I have learned that you can't buy happiness.
People can't sell it either.
It's free.
It's easy.
It's easier than being unhappy.

I am not happy that I got cancer, I am happy despite the cancer.


MY THOUGHTS

I live in a small country, Ireland. It is a little island, yet every year 20,000 people are told they have cancer.

This makes my story look insignificant, but then, thats all it is, a story, but it is my story, about my life. My tears. My wife upset. My children worried.

I am lucky. I know this to be true. Sure, I am not as lucky