Kevin's Story by Kevin S (online e reader .txt) 📖

Animal House. I was never really a joiner, I knew if people “found out who I really was” I would be banned from society.
age 19
Met my future wife Betsy. I felt like someone loved me, really for the first time in my life. But I knew if she found out who I really was ............
Moved in together over the objection of her parents. I wasn't doing well in school so dropped out got a job bar tending and paid our expenses. while she finished school.
age 23
Married Betsy, after she had finished school. I had a good job and we had lots of fun. drank a lot. But it was good.
age 24
The time was right, we were set up in good shape. I went back to school. half way thru first semester came home on a Tuesday night to find the table set for a nice dinner, Half away through dinner she told me that "we're pregnant". Rather a shock because we had agreed that No kids until I had finished school. She had quit the pill without telling me.
age 25
We had lost the home set up, because of the kid coming we were resident manger of a 85 unit apartment complex. And Betsy wanted Maternity leave. We sued and won but we were still out on our ass. Move to another city, I found a very good job. So things were looking good, Healthy son (Forrest). But the trust was gone. I started to drink more.
age 28
Katherine was born, again unplanned. Betsy refused to go back on the pill. I came home drunk and refused to use a condom.
age 29
Betsy and I seperated lots of reasons. My drinking a big one. there is a long story here. I moved in with a cousin, really started to drink and do drugs. Lost my good job from drinking.
age 29
After my Grandmother's death, and my father's offer. I moved to VA. I needed a fresh start and to get away from all the drinking and drugs. never really did drugs after that and cut way back on my drinking for a couple of years. I had two jobs while in VA both very good ones.
age 31
Met Michele, at work. She was coming off of an abusive relationship ; was living in a battered womens shelter. She moved in within a month. Things went well for about 3 months, then she started to do crack, it got to the point where I had to put her out, gave her the choice me or crack. made her stay away for three months. I felt used, she just wanted me for money She gave up crack and moved back in.
age 31-38
We lived in VA, both with jobs. It was a stormy relationship, getting drunk almost ever night.
There were a lot of police calls. But I thought bad love was better than no love, and this was the best I could get or deserved.
age 39
moved back to WI. To be near my children. Things went down hill from then. Michele wasn't happy, My good job turned out to be a pain, bad boss. I started to drink before work.
I quit that job and went to another but promptly lost it due to drinking.
age 40
my unemployment ran out and I “ committed suicide.”
Well enough for tonight. But hopefully you have a better idea of my story. My recovery is a story of over coming.


(Here, Kevin asked if it was ok for me to do this work for so little money, given my background. I told him “full speed ahead,” I believe in you.)


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Good morning Letty:
I hope your belief isn't misplaced.
Well I'll get back to work, but just didn't have it in me the last couple of days. I was completely surprised my how much the writing I did on Sunday took out of me. I was just emotionally flat the last couple of days.
And St Pat's day was more than a little bit crazy. Have I told you I work in a Detox facility? And there are a lot of stories I could tell you about that place. Most of clients are brought in by police, for being incapacitated.But we do get those who want to get sober and stay that way.
My working there is like 40 hour per week AA meeting. Nothing about people being drunk is funny any more. One thing that has happened from my working there is that I sometimes talk to people at three in the morning, when they can't sleep and are open to new ideas. I tell them my story and the fact that staying sober in not easy, But the rewards are more than they would believe. When I tell them about rewards, I talk about a nice little apartment and half way decent car.
But the biggest reward is the way my kids look at me. They have both told me how very proud they are of me. I have a much better relationship with them I deserve. And for me, a very big reason to work there is, every now and then someone will pull me aside after a meeting and tell me " you know you helped me decide to take a real chance and try to stay sober" and then they thank me for talking to them. It makes up for a lot of cleaning up puke and piss and shit.
About month ago a guy stopped me coming out of a board meeting and asked if I remembered him. I had to be honest and say no, sorry. Then he asked if I remember talking to him at detox, Again I had to say I talk to a lot of people at work. He told me not to worry he knew I talked to a lot of people. He was up from Janesville WI a town about 40 miles away for a young peoples meeting at my home clubhouse. And had hoped he would run into me. I laughed and told nope I didn't do it you must have the wrong guy. He got a very serious look on his face and said I gave him the courage to try and deal with life head on, and quit hiding in a bottle. I had to tell him that I may have shown you that it is passable, but the courage is all yours. He laughed and told me that if anybody as fucked up as you were can come back I had a chance( a left handed complement if I ever here one).
He got serious and said no really he credits me with giving him the nerve to try. Well I had to look away for a second, I was choked up. And that if he wants to believe that, who am I to tell him nay. It doesn't really matter in the long run. I may have been the spark but we both know he did the work.
So he says I was hoping to find you and thank you, I told him he was welcome to any help I gave him, after all the twelfth step to carry the message, "Again I wanted to tell you that because tomorrow will be 18 months sober" I felt like I was ten feet tall. And maybe I really did help some one up on to his feet again.
As you know I took what I thought was my last breath, after the stabbing. And that my life is now gravy.

People have told me that God has a plan for me. I'm an agnostic, and so I'm not sure if that even that could be true. But I feel compelled to try and help. And that is why I want to do this book. If I somehow make a little money it can help me pay off old bills from my drinking days.
I hope you can some how get a readable story out of all this stuff I have been sending you.
It's time for me to call it a night.
Thanks for saying you believe in me. AJ always did And I was so happy I could call her up and not ask for money and tell I'm sorry about all the crap I put you through, and oh by the way I have been sober for a year today. I'm very thankful for that opportunity
Well nite nite Letty
Kevin

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Kevin finally got to the recovery story: Here’ s how he formatted it:


THE STEPS

Step 1 We admitted we were powerless over alcohol- that our lives had become unmanageable.

This step wasn’t really very hard for me at the end. I did take some convincing though. I tried three times to get sober, but I was doing it for all the wrong reasons. I was trying to keep a relationship intact, I tried for my family. The third time I tried to stay sober I made it 18 months. But I was living alone, working to many hours. I worked an odd shift, 11 am till 7-8 pm. I got lonely, I got tired, I stopped going to meetings because I was different from all of those people. I didn’t have a sponsor; I never really connected with anyone. The people I went through treatment with, all fell by the wayside. I really didn’t have any friends.
I made just about every mistake you can make and stay clean, not sober, for any length of time.
When I was finally committed to Detox for three months, I came to believe my drinking and life was out of control. When I came out of high school, my goal in life was not, homeless street drunk. I had given this living stuff my best shot, and ended up here, committed by family and doctors.
I decided that maybe I should take some advice and direction.

Step 2 Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Now this step gave me a lot of trouble until I straighten some things out in my mind. Like most new people I thought they were talking about GOD. I’m an agnostic, which I define as, The universe runs too smoothly to be a complete accident, But I KNOW I don’t know how it works and I really don’t think you do either. I don’t think any organized religion has THE right answer. In fact I find it very arrogant for anyone to claim they understand the will of God. I know my mind is incapable of that feat.
But I’m a practical type of person. I really like cause and effect. I have trouble with things based on faith.
But being a practical person I could see some cause and effect, especially when it hit me in the face. This time around I kept going to meetings; I started to listen to the similarities