Sweaters by Heaven Evette Creater (books to get back into reading txt) 📖

you, I never knew what he was doing to her I swear. If I knew I wouldn’t have left her with him. He was my only choice; we had no other family I could give her to…” I said whimpering.

 

“…It’s ok Tamar…I know you didn’t know.” He said softly as he sat next to me. “I’m Sorry I yelled at you.”

 

I wiped my face and turned slightly to face him. “He…he poisoned her?” I asked. I had just noticed he had said that earlier. I didn’t want to believe it.

 

“…the girl he’s with…Divine or something…she did it…but Daniel let her.” He said disappointed.

 

“Shelia…” I said looking ahead.

 

“She put Lysol in it, told Secret it was vitamin juice.” He explained. I got up and started to walk towards the hospital doors.

 

“Tamar, where are you going?” he asked as he ran after me and grabbed my hand.

 

“I um, have to see some people.” I said quickly as I tried to walk out the doors again. He ran after me again and grabbed my hand again. “To who at this hour?” he asked. I just looked at him as my eyes became watery and a desperate tear slithered down my cheek.

 

“Oh...you don’t have to do that.” he said almost giggling as he pulled me close and hugged me tightly. “I already took care of it.” He said satisfied.

 

I pulled away just a little to look at him. That explains the slight scratch on his cheek and a small bruise on his arm. His eyes sparkled as a warm smile came across his face. I had forgotten how handsome he was. His beautiful eyes, his long black hair…everything. His hugs were the same, so full of love and comfort. I felt…safe with him. We continued to look into each others eyes. And for the first time, I didn’t feel scared to make eye contact with him. He was one of the main people I was afraid to do it with. It’s like when he looks into your eyes, he knows all of your secrets. His smile slowly faded away and he looked at me. We glared at each other and then slowly he leaned in and tried to kiss me.

 

I turned my head so he would miss. He looked at me disappointed. “Miguel…I just want you to know, that I never cheated on you.” I said softly. He looked at me and a touch of doubt went across his face. “Honest…Daniel and I were never a couple.”

 

“If you were never a couple, then how come you were always with him…?” he asked coldly. I didn’t respond.  “I remember now. I drove you away didn’t I?” he asked guiltily.

 

“No, Miguel you didn’t---.” I started saying.

 

“I did didn’t I? I drove you away from me, after you had the baby. We were struggling and we needed help…and I just…” he said hysterically.

 

“No, no Miguel I was just tired. I just had a baby and the only money we had coming in was from Daniel.” I explained. He just looked at me. “Daniel was my best friend and we had been friends since 7th grade. After I had Secret, I started to get depressed. Daniel constantly suggested that I…I try weed and finally I tried it and…it helped."

 

"I noticed you needed my help with the baby, so I stopped going over his house for it. But, I didn’t feel well afterwards so I went to get more from him but instead he had other stuff…and I took them. After a while I didn’t like the way I felt, or even looked, and my self esteem shot very low. So I took even more…until I became addicted and drove myself crazy. And I took Secret from you…I took everything from you…” I said as tears streamed down my face. Miguel hugged me and stroked my hair. I lifted up my head to look at him. “I…I am so sorry, Miguel.” I said trying not to cry again. He gently placed his hands on my cheeks. “It’s alright…” he said softly. And then he leaned forward to kiss me. I didn’t refuse this time.

 

His kiss was so warm and soft. I hadn’t had a kiss like this in so long. This coming from the guy who was just yelling at me? He just sparked up old feelings that I thought would never come back. The kiss was long and beautiful. I pulled away and looked at him. His eyes were full of lust. “I’m proud of you Tamar…” he whispered softly into my ear. He sounded so damn sexy. Temptation finally got the best of me and I kissed him back. It felt…so wonderful that I had forgotten where we even were or what we were arguing about.

 

Haha you don’t even know how bad I wanted to be alone with him. I just couldn’t believe after all these years, that I had found him. I pulled away to look at him. His face had sexual intentions all over it as he checked me out. I bit my bottom lip and started to lean forward for another kiss and then I stopped as I seen Leelah a few feet away. She just stood there and watched us with a disturbed facial expression. The look concerned me because I thought maybe something was wrong with Secret.

 

Miguel:

 

She is so goddamn beautiful! We’re in a public place and I needed to control my actions around her, but you don’t how hard that was. I was looking at her, and it was starting to stir up old feelings. But she was looking at something else.

 

“What?” I asked her.

 

She let me go and backed away a bit. “Is something wrong with Secret?” She asked.

 

But I don’t think she was asking me. I looked at her confused.

 

“What, Tamar what are you talking about?” I asked.

 

“Leelah, what’s wrong with her?” she asked.

 

“Leelah?” I repeated as I turned around to see her just a few feet away with watery eyes.

 

She just looked at me and Tamar and then she turned around and walked out of the hospital.

 

“Shit…” I said to myself.

 

“Leelah, wait please!” I yelled after her. “

 

Wait Miguel, what’s wrong?” Tamar asked while grabbing my hand.

 

I just looked at her and then towards the doors where Leelah walked out.

 

“Tamar, I’ll be back, ok? Just go and um check on Secret ok, go ahead.” I said as I started walking out of the hospital looking for Leelah.

 

“Leelah, Leelah please wait!” I said chasing behind her. I finally caught up to her and grabbed her by her arm.

 

“Leelah what’s wrong?” I asked.

 

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?!? You want to know what’s wrong?” she yelled. “What the hell was that Miguel? Tell me, what was it!?” she screamed.

 

“Leelah, what was what?” She didn’t say a word. “Leelah…” I said trying to figure her out.

 

“Her! Why were you kissing her?” she said as silent tears ran down her face.

 

“I…I just---.” I started to say.

 

“How do you even know each other?” she asked. I didn't respond. “Tell me!” she screamed desperately as she pushed me. I stumbled back a bit.

 

“…She’s my ex…” I said softly.

 

“Your ex?” she sighed.

 

“Yes.” I said softly. It was quiet for a minute. “....and Secret is my daughter…” Silence.

 

“What did you say?” she asked finally with piercing eyes.

 

“She’s mine...Secret is my baby. I just found out.” I repeated.

 

“…Oh my god…” she said as she put her hands over her face and paced back and fourth. “Well, how do you know?” she asked. “She could be lyi---.”

 

“Tamar was a virgin, and Secret is her only child…..I know she’s mine.” I explained.

 

“Well…I’m very happy for you, but that doesn’t explain why you kissed her…” she said.

 

I just looked at her and then ahead. “There is no explanation. It just happened.” I answered. “Why do you care?” I asked out of curiosity.

 

“I don’t.” She said stubbornly.

 

“You don’t? Hmm, seems like you did a few minutes ago…” I said almost giggling. She folded her arms and walked away a little bit.

 

“…Leelah, you like me, don’t you?”

 

“No…maybe….I don’t know.” She answered.

 

“Well then, think about it and let me know soon.” I said with a smile as I looked at her.

 

She smiled back and turned away from me to look ahead. “When are you going to tell her…that you’re her father?” she asked.

 

Damn, I didn’t even think about that. “I’m not sure…” I answered. It was quiet for a moment. I sat on one of the benches outside the hospital and she continued to stand.

 

“You really love Secret, don’t you…before you found out?” she asked.

 

“…Yes…she was all I thought about.” I answered. Leelah finally came and sat down next to me. “If she would have died, I would probably lose my mind.” I admitted.

 

“What are you guys going to do about Secret?” she asked.

 

“What do you mean?” I asked.

 

“Well, who’s going to have custody?” she asked. Damn, I haven’t thought about that either.

 

“I don’t know, I’ll discuss it with Tamar later on tonight.” I answered.

 

“She lives out here?” she asked.

 

“I have no idea.” I admitted.

 

“We’ll try to work it out. You don’t have to be a part of this, if you don’t want to.” I told her. She held my hand.

 

“I want to.”

 

“I just want this all to be over soon.” I sighed.

 

Secret:

 

I don’t feel too good.  A woman just walked in.

 

“I brought you some water, baby.” She announced. She sat in the chair next to me and handed the water to me. “How are you feeling?” she asked.

 

“I’m ok.” I said.

 

We sat in silence for a minute. She smiled at me, something about her was familiar. Elliot kept grinning at me.

 

“Hi, I'm Elliot.” He smiled at her.

 

“Hi Elliot, I'm Tamar.”

 

Tamar? I just kept looking at her. Her face, her eyes, her body. Examining each feature like someone at an art gallery. I kept replaying her voice in my head. It sounded so much like the woman's voice in my dream. Was she the woman from my dream? Am I still dreaming? Man... I'm trippin. I just kept starring at her.

 

She looked at me and smiled and reached for my hand and held it. At that moment, I knew exactly who she was. I didn't know what or how to feel. I didn't react. Does she know me? Does she know I know its her? Mixed emotions started to creep in one bye one. First relief, then pain and sadness, then finally anger. An anger I couldn't keep in, it was eating me up and I couldn't hold on to it anymore. So much that I felt myself grow very hot and uncomfortable. Mr. Rodriguez and Leelah had just walked in.

 

“Hi Secret, how are you feeling?” he asked while stroking my hair.

 

“Peachy.” I said sarcastically not once taking my eyes off of my mom.

 

“Hi, Ms. Marie, are you ok?” Tamar asked.

 

“I’m fine.” She answered with a forced smile as she walked over to get her coat.

 

“Are you sure, I saw you---.” Tamar said.

 

“I’m just fine. Goodnight Secret.” She interrupted and slammed the door on her way out.

 

What’s up her ass? I thought to myself. Tamar looked at Mr. Rodriguez and he looked away.

 

“Why’d you come back?” I asked her.

 

“Well...I came back for you, baby.” I said nothing. “Mommy just wasn’t herself when she was around so she ha---.”

 

“I’m not little…I can understand you…” I corrected. “Ok...I’m sorry but I just had to leave.”

 

“You didn’t have to leave, you wanted to.” I said.

 

It was quiet and Mr. Rodriguez looked at me.

 

“…Yes but, I had a very good reason to leave.”

 

“It don’t matter, you left and didn’t tell anybody…you should have stayed where you were.” I said coldly, feeling the flames inside of me grow bigger and hotter.

 

“Secret…” Mr. Rodriguez said sternly while giving me the “Watch it.” Look.

 

“Secret, my ass! You left me! You don’t care about me!” I yelled.

 

“Baby I do care about you that's why I lef---.” She tried to explain.

 

“Bullshit!! What's in it for you? Huh? Did Daniel promise to give you more drugs if you took me away?.” I asked as I felt