Broken by Ronnea Stiles (top rated ebook readers TXT) 📖

to it. He opened the door throwing my stuff at me.
"Get the fuck outta here you loose ass bitch!"
I picked up my stuff hastily as he closed the door. I ran to the door and banged on it screaming"I have no place to go!"
He didn't answer at all.
"Fuck!"
I yelled loudly. I cleaned myself up then started to walk the streets once again hoping to find somewhere to stay.
~
I had been walking for about a hour now, the street I was on looked familiar as if I'd walked it before, that's when I came across the church. The outside lights were all off, but I had no one to go to or any other place to go so I walked up the stairs to knock on the door and see if anyone was there no one answered I looked around making sure no one saw me I tried to push the huge church door open to see if the door was unlocked, surprisingly it was. I slowly walked in just in case someone actually was still here, as I walked around I caught sight of the alter, I walked up to it. I stood there for a minute I looked up and saw a huge statue that looked like it was of Jesus standing high next to the huge church walls. I walked over to a pillar and sat my stuff down in it then returning back to the alter. I didn't know what to do so I kneeled down and sat there. I didn't know why but tears immediately began to fall from my eyes.
"God...Jesus...whichever one hears me I really just need you to listen. I'm sorry I'm so so so sorry. I don't understand what I've done wrong to deserve any of the things that have happened in my life but I'm begging you to please forgive me for what ever it may be?! Please just forgive me! Everything I've done up to this point please God please! I beg of you. I don't want this anymore I don't want this lifestyle I want a better one not only for me but for my baby, I want you God I need and want you in me and my babies life! I know I sound like an idiot because I don't know how to pray but God if you can hear me please I am on my knees and I give myself to you."
I stood up to see if anything had happened or changed but out of nowhere something inside of me made me fall back to my knees. Tears came flowing down my face again more and more as I laid on the floor of the church grieving to God for forgiveness.
"God!!... listen please listen! I need you I want you, I want to feel the same happiness you bring to people's lives like James I want to be on a better path. God I'm sorry I won't do this stuff anymore I don't want to get around anymore I really want to live, I want a good life for me and my baby, I want to be there for my baby! So God please send me a sign a message or something so I can know your real and can hear me please!!"
I was starting to feel angry and disappointed nothing happened at all not a single thing no sign had come. I angrily began to beat on the ground as hard as I could hurting myself with every hit to the floor.
"God tell me Please! Please Lord I give myself to you!"
Suddenly I heard a voice tell me to kneel, I thought someone was behind me I turned around to see no one was there but I heard the voice again tell me "Kneel down and close your eyes" so I did, I kneeled down and closed my eyes. After telling me to kneel down the voice told me. "Now pray and ask for forgiveness and for your deepest desire".
"Lord please, please forgive me and all the wrong I have done in my life, please take away all of this horrible pain I've held onto for all of these years from all of these men that have used me, I need you I need you here with me, I need you in my life I'm truly and finally ready for you lord".
Still kneeling down my hair began to fall into my face, the tears coming down my face felt like water falls I screamed as loud as my lungs would allow me but still nothing happened, I started to cry even more, thinking I knew it no one wants me not even God wants me.
"This is my last attempt Lord.... I know I'm not the best of people or children of yours in the world and I haven't walked in your shoes trying to follow your footsteps like everyone else who have you in there life but I want to now and I'm ready, I'm ready to give myself to you, I'm ready to give my everything please God I'm ready to give my all!"
Suddenly I felt as if something had hooked onto me and was tugging hard on my body, all I could do was fall out. I could feel everything from head to toe as my spirit and body began to heal, my legs were no longer tired and I felt strong. I no longer was aching anymore and my heart, my heart no longer had pain or hate in it. That's when I heard the voice return again and it told me to say Jesus has saved me. I did exactly what I was told.
"I am saved".
I knew it had to be God because I felt free, I felt cleansed and I felt reborn or renewed the feeling felt sensational. I'd never felt such warmth before, I stayed in the church the whole night. CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT

~ James~

 

 

In two weeks I'll be going off to college. I've been getting everything ready for when I take off. Honestly with everything that I've been going through I'm ready to leave. I sat on my bed next to Sylvia. I really liked this girl and I felt bad for cheating on her. I haven't heard from Queen in a good month, I didn't know if that was good or bad.
"What you thinking about?"
Sylvia asked. I looked at her shrugged my shoulders then grabbed her hand, she smiled and kissed me. She then got up and fixed her hair.
"I'll see you tomorrow...ma has her new boyfriend over and they want me to come for dinner".
"Have fun with that".
She nodded her head yes then left out of my room. I laid back on my bed starring at the ceiling thinking about college.
~
I pulled into IHOP's lot then got out my car. It was around midnight and I was starving. I walked in and found a small table towards the back of the restaurant and sat down. I
Immediately started flipping through the menu. I studied the menu hard when the waitress came, she asked me what I wanted to drink. I looked up from my menu in aghast as I saw Queen standing by me. She had a job.
"Wow...Queen it's good to see you".
She just smiled with her pink apron on.
"Hi...".
"Since when did you start working?"
"A coupla weeks ago...it was time".
"I'm happy for you".
She smiled brightly.
"I'm happy for myself too...now what can I get you?"
"I'm sorry... I'm just...it's like wow".
She laughed I did too. I studied Queen hard specially her small round baby bump.
"You're getting big".
She looked down at her stomach and rubbed her belly.
"Yea I am...in another month I'm going to go find out the babies gender".
"That's exciting...I'm heading to Mizzou in two weeks".
"Congrats...I haven't been to school in almost a year...I'm not really that smart".
"No don't say that...you're beautiful and I know you'll get a better job than this and you'll see".
She smiled.
"I got saved James...I'm not doing those things anymore I'm going to be there for my baby".
I couldn't believe it, I was honestly really happy for Queen. She had found God this is what I wanted for her.
"Queen you don't know how happy I am for you that's good that you have God now".
She shook her head. That's when someone in the back called for her.
"I'll see you around...good luck in college I'll bring you a water back".
I didn't want her to leave but she needed to make her money, the right way. So I just nodded my head.

CHAPTER TWENTY NINE

~Queen~

 

 

I walked the dark late night streets leaving from work. I'd saved up enough money to live in a motel for a little while, but today I needed to see my father. I needed to finally let him know that I've forgiven him for everything he's done but also that I'm going to leave for good. I wanted to be like James and get out of St. Louis which is exactly what I needed to do, especially for the sake of my baby that's going to be born soon. I thought about my life as I was walking "I'm not going to live like this for long, everyday God opens a new door for me". I know I need to walk the right path to get to where I want and need to be in life and here is were it starts, going back to where it all started. Back home where clean bed sheets turned into bloody sheets and memories of heartbreak and pain. Where my father rapes me, how he wakes up the next day not remembering anything of what he's done to me, but me I remember it all. Every fight, every struggle to over take him, every second and minute of every time. Looking at the scars that are left on my body remind me everyday of those times and the dreams I have at night turn into nightmares that will forever and always linger in my mind, but my soul, my soul is what's left of me. God has healed it and it no longer needs love from sexual perverts. I took a deep breath then smiled as I had arrived to the house, I could hear classical music playing as I walked up and opened the dingy screen door. I sighed a little before walking in, loud classical music still playing, I heard it coming from the dining room.
"Dad?"
The music still playing as I walked slowly down the