Denial by Stephanie Wilson (the ebook reader .txt) š
- Author: Stephanie Wilson
Book online Ā«Denial by Stephanie Wilson (the ebook reader .txt) šĀ». Author Stephanie Wilson
There was no television. No photos. No little decorative ornaments.
āYour bedroom is up the stairs and to the left,ā Mr Abbott told me, āyou can go unpackā¦if you like.ā
The āif you likeā was tacked onto the end of the sentence, but it was merely a formality ā because it was evident by Mr Abbottās tone that I didnāt have much of a choice in the matter.
āLunch will be in ten minutes,ā he added. I felt instinctively that it would be best not to be late.
āOk. Thank you.ā
I went up the stairs, the steps squeaking as I put pressure on them. At the landing I noticed three other doors, all closed. I turned to look at my door, and wasnāt entirely surprised to see that a cross stitched quote was hanging in a frame on the door too.
āWhoever believes in the Son has entrenal life; whoever does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him. John 3:36ā
I turned to see Henderson climbing the stairs, my backpack on his shoulder.
āThese people are a bundle of laughs arenāt they?ā I said to him, gesturing with my eyes to the quote.
āShhh,ā he looked behind him awkwardly to see if the Abbottās were in hearing shot, āā¦there are worse things than being serious.ā
I sighed. He was using the āthere are worse thingsā line a lot. I opened the door and wasnāt overly surprised by what I saw: A bare room only big enough to contain a wardrobe- not a built in kind, but one of those old fashioned standalone ones. I had the brief thought of how it looked how I imagined the one to Narnia would look like when I was younger.
ā¦just one more chapterā¦
I shook the thought away and turned my attention to the rest of the room. A single bed with a metal frame, a small old fashioned wooden desk and an equally old looking wooden seat. The walls were a very awful floral wallpaper that looked faded in patches - especially where the sun hit the wall through the single tiny window.
The pride and glory of the room hung above the bed, right over where my head would be resting when I sleep. It was a giant wooden cross with a desolate Jesus hanging off it. There was even red paint leaking from his hand and feet. Basically the replica of the one in the living room, except it somehow seemed moreā¦grotesque.
I put the violin case down on the bed and Henderson placed the backpack down next to it, scratching at his chin absently as he observed the cross.
āAt least you donāt have to share a room,ā he offered.
I didnāt reply, but he was right. That was a major bonus. There was silence for a few moments, broken by the sound of cutlery being placed out downstairs.
āAnna.ā Something in his tone made me turn to look at him. The lines on his face looked deeper than usual, the shadows under his eyes darker. Again I was struck by how shabby he looked compared to how I remembered him. āPleaseā¦give this a good go.ā
I decided to throw him a bone and smiled.
āI will. You wait, when you next see me Iāll be a model Christian teenā¦without the teen pregnancy, obviously.ā
He gave a half-hearted grin, thinking the conversation over I made a move to go back down the stairs but Henderson held out his hand for me to wait,
āThereās something I need to tell you,ā he said, twisting his wedding ring round and round his finger, he averted his eyes towards his feet and I had the overwhelming urge to put my fingers in my ears like a child, āas it turns out, Madeline isnāt doing very well and itāsā¦possible that if thingsā¦ā his voice broke and he cleared his throat nervously, āprogressā¦then I might need to take time off. In which case, you will be passed on to someone else. I just wanted to let you know, in case...ā
He let the sentence hang in the air, the unsaid words flashing between us like neon lights.
"I'm sorry to hear that your wife isnāt feeling well.ā
My words sounded very mechanical ā and they felt mechanical too. Though I meant them, though I caredā¦in my own way, I felt as if I was saying these words off a script. Memorized and rehearsed without any real sentiment. Though internally I began to panic as to what this could mean for me.
Selfish, selfish, selfish.
He nodded and looked down towards his feet, I saw his shoulders shake in what looked like a sob and my stomach turned nervously. But when he looked back up his face was composed, albeit his eyes looked a little watery.
āBreast cancer,ā he said after a deep breath to recompose himself, āchemo is dragging her through the ringer.ā
āIām sorry.ā
āYeahā¦wellā¦these things happen, right?ā his voice hitched and he cleared his throat again, āCome on, letās go have some scones.ā
Itās funny, but I had never really given much thought to Hendersonās personal life. I guess it hadnāt concerned me. But now seeing this small little man and the way his face crumbled, I felt like I could physically feel the worry and tension ooze off him in waves. It made me sad to think of it, it also made me impatient to see him leave so that I no longer had too.
Out of sight and out of mind and all that.
Chapter 2
Chapter 2
If my first day in this town was what was typically expected, then Sunny Haven was in fact not that sunny. Rather, it was cloudy and desolate and that wind (which carried the aroma of pine along the streets) had a bite to it. It felt like standing too close to the edge of a cliff and preparing yourself for the gust of wind that would tip you over the edge; though I expect that was more to do with the Abbottās than it was to do with Sunny Haven as a whole.
Despite the dreary condition, there were a few people out and about. I had already past two families at the park, walking their dogs. I had also received an odd look from a blond lady walking very fast whilst pushing a stroller. Though I had some of my lessā¦.shabby...clothes on (black jeans relatively unworn and a blue fitted blouse) I still felt the odd prickle that I was scruffy and unacceptable looking. Perhaps if I was wearing a matching pink tracksuit like her I would fit right in.
I had been pleased to get out of the house, especially after the awkward occasion that was lunch. Mrs Abbott had picked at her scones like a small uncertain bird. Straight backed, elbows tucked in and a single crumb at a time. Hendersonās feeble attempts to make conversation with Mr Abbott could only be described as ābeating a dead horseā.
I, on the other hand, could handle awkward silences like a pro and resolutely stared down at my plate, imitating Mrs Abbott. I was taking the clues as to how I should behave off her, a habit I had picked up very early on. Every household has different rules and expectation; like taking off your shoes before going inside or saying grace (which we had done). Occasionally I would feel Hendersonās eyes on me, perhaps pleading for me to make some kind of bonding attempt. I knew that my attempts to converse would probably go as successfully as his did - less so, since my knowledge of any kind of conversation starters were far more limited.
And so an awkward fifteen minutes had passed by until finally Henderson cleared his throat and pushed back his chair, exclaiming something about traffic.
I couldnāt help to think that it was alright for him. He could leave the deadpan stares and clinking of cutlery in the rear-view mirror but I would be stuck in it for the foreseeable future. Then again, I canāt say that being in a family of few words was my idea of hell. With a slight gleam of optimism that was out of character for me, it had crossed my mind during that lunch time experience that perhaps this would work out after all.
Mr Abbott accompanied Henderson to the door, and I followed Henderson out to his car.
There was an awkward moment when he looked as if he was going to hug me. But he didnāt, because such behaviour would be unprofessional. But his eyes softened and he took off his glasses, giving his eyes a tired rub with his thumb.
āCall me if anything goes wrong,ā he had said to me, āotherwise Iāll call you every week to see how things are going, and I will come for a visit at the end of the month ā which is only a week and a half away. Donāt hesitate to call, about anything.ā
I nodded, and couldn't help but think that his words sounded very automated. His mind was clearly already somewhere else ā most likely with his ill wife he would no doubt be itching to get back to. Before he shut the door, I decided to give him something encouraging.
'āHenderson,ā I said, āI will keep my shit together.ā
He smiled, āGood girl.ā
And so he left. One final wave out the window, around the corner and he was gone. I took my time walking back into the house, steeling myself to have the conversation that I needed to with Mr Abbott (it was long later where I realized I hadnāt even considered going to Mrs Abbott about it). He had been reading the bible at the table, I interrupted him with an awkward throat clear, and then told him that I wanted to go searching for a job at the local shops.
It had taken a bit of convincing, more than I would have thought necessary for something so proactive. In between the conversation he would have these unnaturally long pauses where he seemed to be analysing my very soul. He asked me questions like: āWhy do you need a jobā, āwhat kind of places will you be applying at?ā and āwhat could you possibly need money for?ā.
When I had finally answered his questions to his satisfaction, he told me where the shops were after a stern reminder that Sunday was a day of rest and as such I could not work it. I had asked if I could work after church in the afternoons, and he had simply stared at me, repeated the whole āseventh day is a day of restā speech. I had managed to step on his toes on the first day ā must be some kind of personal record.
That wasnāt the worst of it though, he had deemed it necessary to give me some parting words of advice. Just as my hand had touched the doorknob and I could almost taste the freedom, he cleared his throat from behind me. Startled, I turned to him and he looked at me with a very solemn expression for a moment:
āI do not tolerate drugs of any kind in this house.ā
At the time, I had thought about saying something in a mildly offended tone, but I couldnāt find the words. So I simply turned
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