Denial by Stephanie Wilson (the ebook reader .txt) 📖

The sudden silence jarred me back to reality and I felt instantly like I was under a spot light.

‘Oh – no, sorry. I ahh…I got turned around.’

I immediately spun around to make my exit, only to have it barred by a girl with bright bottle red hair, too much eye liner and wearing dark clothes from head to toe (including violent looking combat boots). She had looked me deliberately up and down slowly, one eyebrow raised in a gesture that was very clearly meant to be condescending. There was no mistaking this visual take down.

‘Who the hell are you?’ she asked, with deliberate venom.

None of your goddamnbuissness! Piss off back to the underworld!

No...no...blending in, being invisible…

‘Anna,’ I had replied slowly, pretending to be oblivious to the hostility radiating off her in waves, ‘I’m new. Excuse me, I’ve... got to find my locker.’

I had stared at her for a second and waited for her to get out of my way for far longer then was necessary. But she just continued to stare with that vile look and awful arched eyebrow.

If only I had retained a drop of control. But it was something about the way she was looking me, like I was something she had stepped on, that had just made my blood boil. Just thinking about it now made me tense up. Who the fuck was she to look at me like that!?  

I had pushed past her. Just shoved far more forcefully than I should have with my shoulder right on past her.

‘Watch it bitch,’ she hissed after me,

‘My mistake,’ I had said sweetly as I could muster and I had walked away quickly. At the time I had tried to convince myself that my small retaliation had gone unnoticed. But I knew deep down that wasn’t the case – only to be proven correct throughout the rest of the day.

Leyton’s pissed off tone had followed me down the hall.

‘Jesus Christ! Ivy, do you have be such a…”

I did find my locker eventually, after two wrong turns – which was unusual for me, but I was feeling a bit flustered. It took me three goes to get it open, only to find someone left a bunch of scrap paper and screwed up pictures inside it.

It didn’t take long after that to find my English class. People were already milling in. I had slipped inside around a bunch of girls with painted lips and glossy hair. One of which appeared to be Hayley. She waved brightly at me as I passed, I smiled but carried on down the aisle. Already feeling like I had enough socializing to last me the day this morning. There was a seat one row from the back which had my name on it.

                I sat myself down and went about getting myself organized with pens and paper, deliberately trying to keep as anonymous as I could. I spied Baxter from across the room, throwing a football up and down in his hand and laughing loudly was some equally broad shouldered boys. He must have felt my gaze, because his eyes fixed on me and he winked almost smugly. I rolled my eyes as the two boys with him turned to have good look and a laugh.

The obnoxious fake red head came striding into the room, Hayley’s group of girls blatantly parted to let her through, their smiles melted away and a look of unease replaced them. As she passed Hayley she held up two fingers to make a v and wiggled her tongue between them in a crude gesture. Even from where I was sitting, I could see Hayley blush and shift uncomfortably. Not a few second after came Leyton, looking a little bit ticked off. The red haired girl had sit in the back right corner and kicked a chair out with her boot in a gesture for him to come and sit down. Leyton ignored that and came and sat at the empty seat next to me.

                I couldn’t help but catch the scowl that dripped across her face as he sat himself down and felt slightly smug – quickly followed by a smidge of anxiety.

                Meant to be blending in….this is not a  “blending in” situation you are creating.

‘Hey,’ Leyton said leaning across the aisle, ‘sorry about Ivy...she’s....well, I don’t really know what she is, to be honest.’

‘Over protective girlfriend who, in an odd stroke of fate, has a name that fits her personality?’ I had suggested it in an innocent tone, all too aware that she was sitting on the other side of the classroom, boots on desk and glearing in my direction. Leyton had laughed and I had the distinct feeling that small laugh had just sealed my future with Ivy.

‘Ex-girlfriend,’ he said with a smile, ‘although she seems to forget that’s what she is sometimes.’

As he got out his books I had trouble placing this soft spoken musician with the glearing evil witch across the room. I remained silent for a second imaging what those two together looked like. Did they have sex? She sure doesn’t look like a prude…imagine that – all scratches and angry like.

Ah stuff it, Ivy has already got it out for me – there’s no point denying that.

                ‘Hey, sorry.’ I blurted, before I could think it over, ‘but that tune you were playing seems really familiar?’

                ‘You play?’

                ‘No, I just...recognised it.’

                ‘It’s Canon in D Major – Johann Pachabell.’

                ‘Oh, right…thanks.’

Then, just as now, I could hear the remnants of that song. Accompanying it was a visions of a women with long blonde hair holding a violin, swaying back and forth as she played – like it was almost a dance. It was possible that I could have slipped into a deep hole that would have been hard to claw out of if it wasn’t for a greying man who came into class and sat down at the front desk. I had to, in a very physical way, pull my attention back to focus on him instead.

Students began to settle into their seats and turned to face him expectantly. They showed him a lot more respect than I had seen directed to teachers at my past schools. Is this what happens when you go to a smaller school? Or is this a sign of the teacher’s personality?

                As the class fell into silence, he put his hands together and directed his gaze around the classroom. His eyes fell upon me and he gave a small smile.

                ‘Ah…a new girl! Welcome to Sunny Haven High. Would you mind standing up and introducing yourself?’

                Oh god. One of these kinds of teachers.

                With a heavy sign, I moved back my chair and winced as it made in awful scraping sound against the floor.

                ‘Hi.’ I said uncomfortably, ‘my names Anna Johnson.’

I sat straight back down.

‘Straight to the point I see. My Name is Mr Porter. I’m sure the students hear will make you feel more than welcome.’

There was a distinct loud snicker from the other side of the classroom and my teeth clenched. I looked over and Ivy met my eyes with that same condescending smile spread across her face. She cocked an eyebrow at me and give another snigger. The message was clear - she was going to make my life unpleasant.

Thinking about it, my stomach turned in regret and frustration. I wasn’t able to stop it, despite all my internal reminders of the plan and the end goal. The fury that boiled up in the pit of my stomach was familiar and unrelenting.

I felt instinctively that this suburban girl was all snarls and hisses. She didn’t know what it was to be in an actual fight and a smug part of me wanted to let her know EXACTLY who she was fucking with.

I looked back at her, my expression as neutral as I could muster. When she realized I wasn’t going to look away she put her feet down, leant forward on her desk and narrowed her eyes.

Bitch, your fucking with the wrong girl.

                The fury was itching for that opportunity. It took all I had, there in that classroom, to pull myself together. I had felt as if I was standing on a plank, one wrong step and it would be over. It was right at that moment that Leyton had adjusted his sitting position to block my view and the glearing contest was cut short. Thinking back to it now, I’m fairly certain he had done that on purpose.

‘You’ve arrived at a perfect time as we are just starting Shakespeare’s Othello.’

                There had been a few groans scattered around the room as Mr Porter got up off his chair, carrying a box. He began going down rows, giving out a book to each student as he went.

                ‘I think you will all find this tale to be both incredibly sad, incredibly complex and a remarkable story about the depths that jealousy and discrimination can have on the human mind. To get this topic started, you will be put into pairs and allocated specific scenes and acts. Together with your partner, you are to go through what literary techniques appear in your allocated scene, what messages, they are trying to send, and in what ways they support a specific theme – which we will be going over later.

                If you CANNOT sort yourself out into pairs, I will do it for you.’

He looked at the class with a stern expression over the top of his glasses.

‘Take five minutes to do this out now.’

                My stomach turned over at the idea that I had to have a partner for a project. I worked so much better alone…

                There was rumble of chairs squeaking on floors and talking as people began splitting up.

                Ivy came over quicker than I thought possible. Perching herself on Leyton’s desk so she her back was to me in a very clear gesture of ‘fuck you’. She put herself into a position that looked over the top sexual.

                ‘Shakespeare….could this BE anymore boring,’ she sighed dramatically, ‘perhaps we could make it more interesting if we worked on it at my house? Perhaps in the bedroom?’

                She had trailed her finger over Leyton’s arm and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes and shift uncomfortable in my seat. Watching as everyone peers off, I began to hope that maybe I could get away with doing it by myself. But then Leyton had to open his goddamned mouth and hammer the last nail in the coffin that was my under-the-radar plan.

                ‘Don’t think so Ivy. Anna and I are working together.’

                I had looked at Leyton with a death stare, but he had strategically ignored it.

‘What?’ she said slowly.

He shrugged apologetically.

‘Well we work together, so I figured it would be easy to get the project done. You know, snippets here and there when it’s quiet at the shop.’

‘Why would you want to work with this ugly bitch?’ Ivy said slowly, oozing venom with every word. She turned to look at me, her face was flushed slightly – maybe in embarrassment, maybe in anger. Leyton opened his mouth to no doubt argue with her but I held up my hand to stop him.

Leyton had already put the knife in by denying her like that and before I could think better of it, I couldn’t help but give it a little twist.

‘So sorry to interrupt your…bedroom time. But I hear you can get some truly excellent resources to help with that off the internet. You know, so you can go fuck yourself.’

The effect was instantaneous, Leyton snorted a laugh before quickly stifling it by covering his mouth. Ivy’s face went from pink to dark red, her whole body began to contract in on itself. Every cell in my body began to scream in preparation for the physical violence that looked like it was coming.

At that moment, Mr Porter clapped his hands together and began demanding student to go back to their seats.