OUTCAST by Marionette Fantome (best non fiction books of all time TXT) 📖

name being chanted like a spell. I was the revolution. No one could make anyone feel like shit here. All outcasts were welcome.

 

<><><> 

 

Breakfast was quiet. Mother and father read the paper as I picked at my food. It was rare for them to ever be here so early in the morning, let alone take a day off work. That was why it shocked me when I smelt sausage and pancakes when I woke up. They didn’t even call to tell me. And here we were having breakfast together, but they didn’t even bother to look at me, nor did they bother to strike up conversation. They knew I was never going to do it. That was until my father asked:

“So, Indigo, how is school going for you?”

“Fine.”

“Are you keeping your grades up?”

“Yes, father.”

“That’s good. We cannot have you tarnish this family’s perfect grade point average.”

“Of course. I make sure to focus on my schoolwork.”

“That’s good,” mother said. “Oh, your siblings plan to join us next week for Thanksgiving.”

That caught my attention. Us? “You’ll be here for break?”

“Oh, not the entire break. Just from Thanksgiving Day to that Saturday. It’s been so long since we’ve had the family together. I bet you had someone invite you for Thanksgiving last year.”

“Yes.” No. I was alone then. And on Christmas.

“Well, we’ll be a family again, and have fun, alright?”

“I can’t wait.” Yes, I can.  It wasn’t going to be fun. It was going to be dry, and I was going to be left out like always. I was going to be alone again.

The Saturday was odd and unpleasant. My parents were home, but they were still working. I just locked myself in my room and did whatever homework I had. Lunch was eaten in solitude, and dinner was the same as breakfast. Sunday, my parents left early, but not without leaving breakfast for me and a note.

 

Indigo,

We’re sorry that we could not take off for today, but we made breakfast for you. I hope you a lovely day and don’t forget to do your homework.

 

-Mother & Father

 

Of course they would say that. Couldn’t tarnish the family name.

 

I went through my usual routine, and the left for a walk. I watched as young parents and their children smiled and laughed. Siblings played and giggled, and included their younger ones, and I thought of my older siblings. They never included me in their games because I was deemed “not smart enough”. And once I was able to understand everything, they still wouldn’t let me play with them because I was inferior to them. Alice wouldn’t even let me near my own niece and nephew. The same with Matthew and his three sons. I was a disgrace.

I ran back home after seeing a particularly touching moment between a couple and their daughter. I locked myself in the bathroom. If I killed myself, would they truly care?

 

<><><> 

 

“Hey, fatass,” Myra sneered. I fucking hate her. How could anyone really want to be with her? How did Scott love her? He had to be a saint. I would’ve killed her already if I was in a relationship with her. “Fatass. I’m talking to you.”

“Yes?”

“Have you done my homework yet?”

“No.”

“What? Why not?”

“Because I have no reason to. And I was busy this weekend.”

“Like what? You don’t have a life.”

“Believe it or not, I do. I go to work, unlike you.”

“Yeah, right. Who would hire you? Your own family doesn’t want you.”

She was right. No one even cared for me. “I—”

“Save it. I better have it by lunch, or you’re gonna meet some friends who have been itching to get a hold of you.” She wouldn’t dare. She would let the football team get to me…would she?

“Fine.” I hated her. She hit a low point. I hated myself. I allowed this to happen. I was worthless.

I walked to class with an aching body and a damaged mind, but that was normal and no one seemed to care. I always looked like that. I really didn’t care, just as long as no one bothered me. I heard the constant whispered insults towards my physique. Everyone made sure to make it known to me that they were disgusted by it. They made sure to make me know that I didn’t belong in their world.

I sat in class, oblivious to the lesson, but listening at the same time. I needed to escape, and the lessons were the only things that could keep me from that other world where I often drift to. I felt eyes burning into me, I ignored them all. I didn’t want to face the pain again.

After class, I was approached by David, Scott’s best friend. However, I noticed that their friendship was becoming more and more strained by the day. I bet it was Myra again. How many friendships has she ruined? I looked up at him and he greeted me with a smile that almost charmed my heart. Almost. “Yes?”

“How you feeling? I saw Myra talking to you. She was being a bitch again, huh?”

I sighed and nodded. “I really don’t know why everyone hates me. I didn’t do anything. I guess my existence disgust everyone here too.”

He blinked at me. “Not everyone hates you. I don’t. Scott doesn’t either. Everyone’s just intimidated by you because you’re a junior taking college level courses. Hell, I’m scared of you. You’re too good to be here anyway.”

“I doubt it. I should disappear. No one would really care.”

“Don’t say that. Your family would.”

He didn’t know that. “I highly doubt that.”

“Why? Your parents love you. They would be an absolute wreck if you ‘disappeared’. I know I would.”

My parents didn’t love me. They have never once said that they loved me in my entire life. “Thanks, but I just don’t think so. I’ll see you another time, David.” I left him to think about what I just said.

I went to my second period of science: physics. That was what happened when you allowed your parents to choose your courses. I was happy enough to have orchestra and psychology as electives, but I had to persuade them to allow me to keep the more musical of the two courses. I enjoyed them both immensely, and I had peers that didn’t mind me so much, which was a refreshing change from my everyday life.

“Miss Campbell?”

I looked up at Dr. Barnes, my physics teacher. “Yes?”

“How is your family? Specifically, your eldest sister?”

“Oh.” Of course he would ask about her. “Alice is doing well.” I think. “I haven’t had contact with her for some time. She’s awfully busy.”

“I bet, being such a famous astrophysicist. Are you going to follow in her footsteps? You have the brains for it.” No, I didn’t. Not like her.

“Maybe. I may be a surgeon, actually. Following Danica.” No, she would have hated it. She even said I could never be like her.

“Ah, a great career choice. Well, carry on.”

“Yes, sir.” I’ll try now that I knew who you like in the family. Who was I to everyone? Was I really that intelligent? Did I really have that potential like my family?

 

No. I did not.

 

<><><> 

 

I lied in bed, cradling my wrist. It wasn’t deep enough. I would have to try again another time. I couldn’t bring myself to continue, so I put it down and laid there and waited for the bleeding to stop. It always did. But…I wish it didn’t.

Chapter 3

 Myra walked back to me after talking to Indigo. She looked a little too satisfied for my tastes, which made me wonder what it was that they actually talked about.

“Why do you always talk to her?”

“Who?”

“Indigo. Why do you always have to talk to her?”

“She gives great advice for projects and homework schedules. She also gives advice on how to deal with test anxiety.” Bullshit. Myra never has test anxiety. And her voice was too sweet, even for her. Why was she lying straight to my face? The idea of her lying to me made my blood boil.

Don’t tell me that David was right and she was harassing poor Indigo. “Oh, I see.”

“You okay, Scott? You look stressed.”

 “Yeah, I guess I am kind of stressed.” Because of you.

“Aww…maybe a nice massage after school will help you? How about it?”

Sex. Not in the mood. “No, it’s nothing too serious. I’ll be better by tomorrow.”

“You sure?”

No. “Positive. Alright, babe, I gotta get to class.”

“Okay.”

 

<><><> 

 

English was quite possibly the only class I enjoyed in my entire schedule. I loved the works that we got to read, like The Great Gatsby. But nothing beats poetry. Except for work that we had to do for it. We were looking at Robert Frost. I mean, I like Frost, but when we had to do projects for his poems, I despised it. My motivation to do something so tedious was almost non-existent. What was worse was being partnered with someone of the teacher’s choice. Mrs. Statia always paired me with some incompetent idiot who couldn’t make sense—or at least try to make sense of any of his poems.

For this particular project, she thought it would be okay to stray away from Frost and choose a poem. I was happy with that, but she was still picking our partners. I really hoped that I wasn’t going to be paired with Jackson. Anyone that couldn’t pronounce the word “conscience” shouldn’t be put within a foot of me.

As Mrs. Statia called out names, I looked around anticipating the person that I was doomed to work with. Then, I heard my name, and another that I didn’t expect. I was going to work with Indigo. At least I had someone who was smart. I turned to look at the junior and found her staring at me, but she turned away once we made eye contact.

“Scott?” I turned to my English teacher. “She’s really shy, so I want you to be patient with her. I paired her with you because you are the least likely to judge her too quickly. Her therapist said that she needs to be social and open up. No one in here can help her do that except for you, so please?"

“I gotcha.” I got up and approached Indigo, but as soon as I got within two feet of her, the poor girl started shaking. She really must have been anti-social to react like that. I didn’t think she would be this shy. “Hey, I’m Scott. I hope you don’t mind working with me.”

She just sat there, still shaking. I had to be patient or there would be problems. There was no way she was gonna say anything. That was until she opened her mouth. “I-I…don-don’t mind…” She was so quiet, I had to strain to hear her, but I still managed to pick up her response. I heard from her previous partners that she can go through an entire assignment without uttering a single word. She just did the work and said nothing. People got so annoyed by it that they’d request a group change, and she’s often working alone. It was pretty sad.

“Alright. So…what should we do?”

“O-Oh…m-maybe one of S-Shakespeare’s sonnets? I-I was th-thinking ‘Shall I compare Thee to a summer’s Day’? O-Oh, but it may be a little too sappy for you. Ah, ‘My Papa’s Waltz’ by Roethke?