my life by jojo14 (free e books to read online TXT) 📖

one. “Hey dude! I have sensitive nipples.” I said to Isaac while rubbing my poor booby. A waiter came over and got us a table. He looked like he was twenty and had black hair with green eyes. “What’s up, dude!” Isaac asked the guy looked at Isaac and smiled. “Nothing much, just taking an order from a pretty girl and her son.” He said eyeballing my boobies. Son? Oh, well he can keep on thinking that. Wait! He’s eyeballing my goodies! “Dude! Get your mother licking eyes off ma goodies!” I yelled. The guy didn’t even say sorry! Just rolled his eyes. “Hey you’re finally in!” I say looking at Scylla while she sends daggers at the waitress. Oh no. she’s ganna take all her anger out on him! Shiz. Oh well this should be fun. “WHAT IN THE HELL WAS THAT!?! HM? LOOKING AT MY BFF’S BOOBIES! EYE RAPING HER! ASSWHOLE DO YOU WANT ME TO GET THE MANAGER?!?! HU? CAUSE, BITCH, I CAN MAKE THAT HAPPEN!” she yelled. Oh man, where in the hell is the popcorn when you need it? I looked at the other waiter while mine was being harassed by my friend. “Oh, hey there. Can you take my order? Yeah I want one mini pizza with fries on the side. A seven up would be good with that meal an-“ I was about to take my order when something went BAM. I looked over and saw that Scylla had that guy under her on the floor. I looked back over at the waiter. “Also, I want a fish sandwich with fries and a coke.” I said. The waiter wrote everything down while looking at Scylla with big eyes. “You have very pretty eyes.” I said. The waiter dude looked at me and smiled. “T-thank you. So do you.” Awez! So cute! After he left I looked around and noticed everybody staring at us. Why are they staring? Oh, yeah, I forgot. I looked at Scylla doing some kind of wrestling move on the guy. “Scylla, Babe, let that guy go. He’s turning purple. Wait… he’s turning green now. Pretty colors.” I said. Scylla let him go and went to our table. She looks a lot happier. I looked back at the poor fellow passed out on the floor. Isaac and Scylla were playing with some toys I brought with me in the bag I carried. I looked outside. Sigh. Such a pretty day.
three

I woke up to hear the wonderful sounds of birds chirping. Man, I’m glad it’s Friday. No chipmunks for three days. Yay! I hoped out of the bed and looked at my alarm clock. 10:30am. Sweet. I’m up before Isaac! I went to check on Isaac, and then got some clothes to take a shower. After my shower it was 10:45. I ran in Isaac’s room.

“Isaac! get up! You need to take a bath, stinky butt!” I heard him mumble from his little car bed “I not dinky.” Te-he. I ran over his bed, but stopped when I noticed something in the mirror.
“HOLLY SHIT!” my WHOLE head is white! “shit, shit, shit.” Isaac mumbled in his sleep. I honestly didn’t care what he said. I’m to busy looking at my hair. I got my cell phone and called Scylla.
“hey sexy” she said. “MY HAIR IS FREAKING WHITE! ALL OF IT! AM I GOING TO GET WRINKLES TOO? ARE MY BOOBS GOING TO SAG ON THE FLOOR TOMORROW? AM I GOING TO DIE AT THE AGE OF TWENTY? I SWEAR TO GOD IM NOT ON DRUGS! HELP ME!!” I screamed. I turned and looked at Isaac. HE’S LAUGHING AT ME! “Lil boy, if you don’t stop that laughing of yours, you are NEVER going to see your favorite mint ice cream AGAIN.” I told him. Ha, that shut him up. “NO! NO! NO! I SOWY ITY!” he cried. I was about to say its ok till I heard someone singing in the phone.
“Do your boobs hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot?
Can you tie 'em in a bow?
Can you throw them over your shoulder,
like a continental soldier?
Do your boobs hang low?”
I’m ganna kill her. I had to laugh though. I mean how could you not laugh?
“Scylla you are one crazy bitch.” I whispered in the phone. Guess who STILL heard me? Yeah you guessed right.
“Bitch, bitch, bitch, and bitch!” yelled Isaac.
“Lil boy! What did you say?” screamed Scylla in the phone. I swear Isaac just turned a little pale. Why did I call Scylla again? I looked over at Isaac. “Isaac, why did I call Scylla again?” he pointed at my hair. “What’s wrong with my hair?” I asked. I looked in the mirror. “SKYLLA, MY HAIR IS EFFING WHITE!” I yelled into the phone. “Yeah, I know, you told me like, five minutes ago.” She said “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME!” I screamed. “Oh, my bad I thought you knew.” She said. I hung up the phone and examined my head in the mirror. Well, it looks like it has a little blond in it. Why my head? Out of all the pretty heads, it had to choose mine? Of course it had to be my head. Of course. Sigh. Back to reality. I took Isaac and gave him a bath. Then I let him run around naked. Hm… I wonder how that feels? I took off my cloths then slowly started to walk around. I feel… relieved and a little free! I ran around the room with Isaac. “Yay! We both naked!” yelled Isaac. “Yay, I know!” I yelled back. What? Didn’t think I’d do it, did you? Well, guess what? I did. And it feels AWESOME.

four

After I talked on the cell for about an hour with Scylla, I turned on the TV and watched a little about these gangs and stuff. I got an idea after I heard this guy that was in jail that had a nickname. Out of all the cool nicknames he could have chose, guess what he picked? No, no, go on, guess. Nope that’s not it. He picked sugar bear. SUGAR BEAR. This guy was big and buff, too. I guess he was too nice or something. I have no clue. So, after I watched a little bit more, I decided to give myself a nickname. I decided on pacifier. Yep, like a baby pacifier that they suck on? Yeah, you know what I’m talking about. I didn’t want the full name, so I chose paci. It’s cute. Now for Isaac and Scylla. Hm. I looked in the kitchen where Isaac was eating noodles. DING, DING, DING! That’s it! Isaac’s gangster name is noodle! I went over to Isaac smiling real big. He looked at me curiously. “Whot?” he asked. He says what weird. “Isaac, your gangster name is noodle!” I said happily. His eyes got big and rounder then they already are. “Cool!” he said. “Come on noodle (wink, wink) where going to the park!” I said.

When we got to the park, it was packed. Oh shiz. I don’t really like being around other people. It gets weird. I looked at Isaac. He was way too happy, so I can’t go back now. We got out and went to an empty spot on the swing. I was about to sit down with Isaac on my lap when I felt it move. So guess what? I fell. WITH ISAAC IN MY ARMS! I looked at Isaac to make sure he wasn’t hurt. He wasn’t. Thank god. Turning around, I saw the asswhole who took my swing. This is EXACTLY why I hate parks.
It was this girl that was smirking at me evilly. She looked about 19. My age. Oh hell no.
“Um, hey didn’t you see I was about to sit there?” I asked. She looked at her fingernails then back at me. “Yeah, that’s why I took it before you sat on it.” She said in a du kind of voice.
“Look, I had my little brother”- I pointed at Isaac next to me-“with me when you did that. Do you understand if he would have been hurt, I would of seriously beaten your ass”- I motioned to her butt… or back I should say-“I mean your back to a pulp.” She got up and went into my face.
“Bitch, you wouldn’t of done nothing, hoe!” she yelled in my face.
“Oh HELL NO! Bitch get your mother licking, ugly face out of my personal area, ass-face! Looks like your face switched places with your ass.” I said. Then she went on and smacked me. I am MAD. It started thundering. Hum weird, wasn’t like this a minute ago.
“Bitch, don’t tut my titer!” Isaac screamed and hit ass-face. Ass-face raised her hand and smacked Isaac. I heard gasp.
“OH HELL NO! BITCH DON’T YOU EVER IN YOUR ASS-FACE LIFE”-by this time I hopped on her and had her on the ground punching her ass-face in-“EVER SMACK MY BROTHER! HOE WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!? YOU ABUSING, CHILDISH, SKANKY, FISH-SMELLING, BITCH! BITCH I’LL PACI YOUR ASS!” I screamed while I was punching her face in. I felt someone lift me off ass-face and held me back. I punched the person in the face when I turned around. Oops.
It’s Jake. “Isabel, why are you punching my girlfriend in the face?” he asked. I looked around me and saw people staring. Looking around, I saw Isaac crying by this lady. I got out of jakes grasp and went over to Isaac. “Noodle, are you okay baby?” I asked Isaac. He nodded his head. I looked back at Jake that was now helping ass face off the ground.
“I wouldn’t of beat ass-faces ass-or back if you call that an ass- if she didn’t hit my brother! I swear to god, if she ever comes near me or my brother again, I’m going to beat the rest of the ugly off her face!” I yelled while picking up Isaac. “Is this true, Nancy?” asked Jake. “No, the bitch only