A KNIGHT OF THE NINETEENTH CENTURY by Edward Payson Roe (world of reading .txt) 📖
- Author: Edward Payson Roe
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"I Hope So. I Do, Indeed, Hope That Egbert Will Now Come To His Senses,
And See Things And Duty In their True Light, As Other People Do,"
Ejaculated the Widow, Fervently. "If He Had Only Taken The Excellent
Advice You First Gave Him Here How Much Better It Would Have Been For Us
All! But Now--" A Dreary Sigh Closed the Sentence.
"But Now," Responded the Doctor, A Little Warmly, "The Lord Has Saved a
Soul From Death, And That Soul Is Your Only Son. It Appears To Me That
This Thought Should Swallow Up Every Other; And It Will, When You
Realize It," He Concluded, Heartily. "This World And The Fashion Of It
Passeth Away. Since All Promises Well For The World To Come, You Have
Only Cause For Joy. As For My Excellent Advice, I Was Better Pleased
With It At The Time Than The Lord Was. I Now Am Thankful That He Let It
Do No More Harm Than It Did."
"We Cannot Help The Past, Mother," Said Haldane, Eagerly, "Let Us Turn
Our Eyes To The Future, Which Is All Aglow With Hope. I Feel That God
Has Forgiven Me, And The Thought Fills My Heart With A Tumult Of Joy.
Your Warm Embrace Assures Me That You Have Also Forgiven The Wrong, The
Shame, And Sorrow You Have Received at My Hands. Henceforth It Shall Be
My Life-Effort That You Receive The Reverse Of All This. I At Last Feel
Within Me The Power To Live As A True Man Ought."
"I Trust Your Hopes May Be Realized, Egbert; I Do, Indeed; But You Were
So Confident Before--And Then We All Know What Followed," Concluded his
Mother, With A Shudder.
"My Present Feeling, My Present Motives, In no Respect Resemble My
Condition When I Started out Before. I Was Then A Conceited fool,
Ignorant Of Myself, The World, And The Task I Had Attempted. But Now I
Feel That All Is Different. Mother," He Exclaimed with A Rush Of
Emotion, "I Feel As If Heaven Had Almost Begun In my Heart! Why, Then,
Do You Cloud This Bright Hour With Doubts And Fears?"
"Well, My Son, We Will Hope For The Best," Said His Mother, Endeavoring
To Throw Off Her Despondency, And Share In the Spirit Which Animated her
Pastor. "But I Have Dwelt So Long In sorrow And Foreboding That It Will
Require Time Before I Can Recover My Old Natural Tone. These Sudden And
Strong Alternations Of Feeling and Action On Your Part Puzzle And
Disquiet Me, And I Cannot See Why One Brought Up As You Have Been Should
Not Maintain A Quiet, Well-Bred deportment, And Do Right As A Matter Of
Course, As Your Sisters Do. And Yet, If Dr. Marks Truly Thinks That You
Mean To Do Right From This Time Forward, I Shall Certainly Take Courage;
Though How We Are Going To Meet What Has Already Occurred i Hardly See."
"I Do, Indeed, Believe That Your Son Intends To Do Right, And I Also
Believe That The Lord Intends To Help Him--Which Is Of Far Greater
Consequence," Said Dr. Marks. "I Will Now Bid You Good-Night, As
To-Morrow Is The Sabbath; And Let Me Entreat You, My Dear Madam, In
Parting, To Further By Your Prayer And Sympathy The Good Work Which The
Lord Has Begun."
Haldane Insisted on Seeing The Old Gentleman Safely Back To His Study.
Their Ride Was A Rather Quiet One, Each Being Busy With His Own
Thoughts. The Good Man Had Found His Enthusiasm Strangely Quenched in
The Atmosphere In which Mrs. Haldane Dwelt, And Found That, In spite Of
Himself, He Was Sharing In her Doubts And Fears As To The Future Course
Of The Erratic And Impulsive Youth At His Side. He Blamed himself For
This, And Tried to Put Doubt Resolutely Away. By A Few Earnest Words He
Sought To Show The Young Man That Only As The Grace Of God Was Daily
Asked for And Daily Received could He Hope To Maintain The Christian
Life.
He Now Began To Realize What A Difficult Problem Was Before The Youth.
Society Would Be Slow To Give Him Credit For Changed motives And
Character, And As Proof Would Take Only Patient Continuance In
Well-Doing. The Good Doctor Now More Than Suspected that In his Own Home
Haldane Would Find Much That Was Depressing and Enervating. Worse Than
All, He Would Have To Contend With An Excitable And Ungoverned nature,
Already Sadly Warped and Biased wrongly. "What Will Be The Final
Result?" Sighed the Old Gentleman To Himself. But He Soon Fell Back
Hopefully On His Belief That The Lord Had Begun A Good Work And Would
Finish It.
Haldane Listened attentively And Gratefully To All That His Old Friend
Had To Say, And Felt Sure That He Could And Would Follow The Advice
Given. Never Before Had Right Living Seemed so Attractive, And The Path
Of Duty So Luminous. But The Thought That Chiefly Filled him With Joy
Was That Henceforth He Would Not Be Compelled to Plod Forward As A Weary
Pilgrim. He Felt That He Had Wings; Some Of The Divine Strength Had Been
Given Him. He Believed himself Changed, Renewed, Transformed; He Was
Confident That His Old Self Had Perished and Passed away, And That, As A
New Creature, Ennobling Tendencies Would Control Him Completely. He Felt
That Prayer Would Henceforth Be As Natural As Breathing, And Praise And
Worship, The Strong And Abiding Instincts Of His Heart.
Chapter XXXIX (Votaries Of The World)
When Haldane Returned he Found That His Sisters Had Retired. He Was Not
Sorry, For He Wished a Long And Unrestrained talk With His Mother; But
That Lady Pleaded that The Events Of The Evening Had So Unnerved her,
And That There Was So Much To Be Considered, That She Must Have Quiet.
In The Morning They Would Try To Realize Their Situation, And Decide
Upon The Best Course To Be Pursued.
Even In his Exaltation The Last Suggestion Struck Haldane Unpleasantly.
Might Not His Mother Mark Out, And Take As A Test Of His Sincerity, Some
Course That Would Accord With Her Ideas Of Right, But Not With His? But
The Present Hour Was So Full Of Mystical And Inexplicable Happiness That
He Gave Himself Up To It, Believing That The Divine Hands, In which He
Believed himself To Be, Would Provide For Him As A Helpless Child Is
Cared for.
The Mill-People Among Whom He Had Worked the Previous Week Would
Scarcely Have Recognized him As He Came Down To Breakfast The Following
Morning, Dressed with Taste And Elegance. It Was Evident That His
Sisters Could Endure Him With Better Grace Than When Clad In his Coarse,
Working Garb, Redolent With The Hitherto Unimagined odors Pertaining To
Well-Oiled machinery. They, With His Mother, Greeted him, However, With
The Air Of Those Who Are In the Midst Of The Greatest Misfortunes, But
Who Hope They See A Coming Ray Of Light.
With Their Sincere But Conventional Ideas Of Life He Was, In truth, A
Difficult Problem. Nor Can They Be Very Greatly Blamed. This Youth, Who
Might Have Been Their Natural Protector Against Every Scandalous And
Contemptuous Word, And Whose Arm It Would Have Been Their Pride To Take
Before The World, Had Now Such A Reputation That Only An Affection
All-Absorbing and Unselfish Would Be Willing To Brave The Curious And
Scornful Stare That Follows One Who Had Been So Disgraced. Mrs. Haldane
And Her Daughters Were Not Without Natural Affection, But They Were
Morbidly Sensitive To Public Opinion. Like Many Who Live Somewhat
Secluded from The World, They Imagined that Vague And Dreaded entity Was
Giving Them Much More Attention Than It Did. "What Will People Say?" Was
A Terrible Question To Them.
Nothing Could Be Further From Their Nature Than An Attempt To Attract
The World'S Attention By Loud Manners Or Flaunting Dress; But It Was
Essential To Their Peace That Good Society Should Regard Them As
Eminently Respectable, Aristocratic, And High-Toned--As A Family Far
Removed from Vulgar And Ordinary Humanity. That Their Name, In the
Person Of A Son And Brother, Had Been Dragged through Courts, Criminal
Records, And Jails, Was An Unparalleled disaster, That Grew More
Overwhelming as They Brooded over It. It Seemed to Them That The World'S
Great Eye Was Turned full Upon Them In scorn And Wonder, And That Only
By Maintaining Their Perfect Seclusion, Or By Hiding among Strangers,
Could They Escape Its Cruel Glare.
After All, Their Feelings Were Only Morbid Developments Of The Instincts
Of A Refined womanly Nature; But The Trouble Was, They Had Not The
Womanly Largeness Of Heart And Affection Which Would Have Made Them
Equal To The Emergency, However Painful. Poor Mrs. Haldane Was One Of
Those Unfortunate People Who Always Fall Below The Occasion; Indeed, She
Seldom Realized it. Providence Had Now Given Her A Chance To Atone For
Much Of Her Former Weakness And Ruinous Indulgence, But Her Little Mind
Was Chiefly Engrossed with The Question, What Can We Do To Smooth
Matters Over, And Regain Something Like Our Old Standing In society? As
The Result Of A Long Consultation With Her Daughters, It Was Concluded
That Their Best Course Was To Go Abroad. There They Could Venture Out
With Him Who Was The Skeleton Of The Household, Without Having Every One
Turn And Look After Them With All Kinds Of Comment Upon Their Lips.
After Several Years In europe They Hoped society Would Be Inclined to
Forget And Overlook The Miserable Record Of The Past Few Months.
That The Young Man Himself Would Offer Opposition To The Plan, And
Prefer To Return To The Scene Of His Disgrace, And To His Sordid Toil,
Did Not Enter Their Minds.
In The Enthusiasm Of His New-Born Faith Haldane Had Determined to Face
The Public Gaze, And Hear Dr. Marks Preach. It Is True, He Had Greatly
Dreaded the Ordeal--And For His Mother And Sisters, Far More Than For
Himself. When He Began To Intimate Something Of This Feeling His Mother
Promptly Motioned to The Waitress To Withdraw From The Room. He Then
Soon Learned that They Had Not Attended church Since Mrs. Haldane'S
Return From Her Memorable Visit To Hillaton, And That They Had No
Intention Of Going To-Day.
"The Very Thought Makes Me Turn Faint And Sick," Said The Poor, Weak
Gentlewoman.
"We Should Feel Like Sinking Through The Floor Of The Aisle," Chorused
The Pallid Young Ladies.
Haldane Ceased partaking Of His Breakfast At Once, And Leaned back In
His Chair.
"Do You Mean To Say," He Asked gloomily, "That My Folly Has Turned this
House Into A Tomb, And That You Will Bury Yourselves Here Indefinitely?"
"Well," Sighed the Mother, "If We Live This Wretched life Of Seclusion,
Brooding Over Our Troubles Much Longer, Smaller Tombs Will Suffice Us.
You See That Your Sisters Are Beginning To Look Like Ghosts, And I'M
Sure I Feel That I Can Never Lift Up My Head Again. I Know It Is Said
That Time Works Wonders. Perhaps If We Went Abroad For A Few Years, And
Then Resided in some Other City, Or In the Seclusion Of Some Quiet
Country Place, We Might Escape This--" And Mrs. Haldane Finished with A
Sigh That Was Far Worse Than Any Words Could Have Been. After A Moment
She Concluded: "But, Of Course, We Cannot Go Out Here, Where All That
Has Happened is So Fresh, And Uppermost In every One'S Mind. The More I
Think Of It, The More Decided i Am That The Best Thing For Us All Is To
Go To Some Quiet Watering-Place In europe, Where There Are But Few, If
Any, Americans; And In time We May Feel Differently."
Her Son Ate No More Breakfast. He Was Beginning To Realize, As He Had
Not Before, That He Was In a Certain Sense A Corpse, Which This Decorous
And Exquisitely Refined family Could Not Bury, But Would Hide As Far As
Possible.
"You Then Expect Me To Go With You To Europe?" He Said.
"Certainly. We Could Not Go Without A Gentleman."
"That I Scarcely Am Now, Mother, In your Estimation Or In society'S. I
Think You Could Get On Better
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