My Lolita by Que Son (readict .txt) 📖

looks at the ocean and the mountains. Her ao dai flows in the breezes. At that moment, suddenly she ceases to be human, but has become a goddess. I could kiss her feet right now if she allows me to. What is she thinking about?

 

-I have to call my mother and tell her not to worry about me, she says.

I am drowned in an ocean of happiness.

-What are you going to say to her? I ask, barely able to control my joy.

-I will say that i am going away for a few days with a friend and will be back. When are you going to let me go?

-Today is Monday. We will be together until Friday. You will go Friday morning. -Ok.

-Are you angry at me? I say.

-Uhhh....no.

-Do you not hate me for doing this to you?

-No. -What are you thinking? Why do you give in so easily?

 

She picks up the phone and calls her mother. She is calm. I hear her say, I will be away for a few days, i will be back home by Friday. I tell her to call the clerk and ask him to get her some changes of clothes. She needs that. And she does so.

 

-I have lemonade and ice cream. You like some? I say.

-Yes.

 

I bring her the lemonade and the ice cream. We sit and face each other--she on her bed and i on mine. I continue to drink beers. I look at her and she looks at me and suddenly i blank out. I cannot think of anything to say. She looks at the floor. She is barefooted. I look at her feet. White and meaty.

 

-I don't know what i am doing, I say.

-You know what you are doing--she looks up and says--You kidnap me and now i am in your hands.

-I cannot resist the urge to have you. But i know i cannot have you forever. So i thought, why not for a few days, at least? I am sorry i am doing this to you. I hope you can forgive me.

-I already forgive you. I understand why you are doing this. The only thing that upsets me is i am away from my mother, and in a strange place with a stranger.

-Am i a stranger to you?

-You are.

-Why? Have we not talking to each other for months?

-The man i talked to is not the man i am looking at. I had different impression of you. You disappointed me. Do you think me, 27 years younger than you, can be your girlfriend, your wife?

-There are no barriers. Except the ridicule of others.

-You are right. I am afraid of others' talking about me being the mistress of an old man. Me, who is beautiful, and there are many young men wanting me.

 

She is hurting me.

 

-During our correspondence--she continues--i felt something special about you. Was it love? No. But it was something special, a feeling that i had never had before, it is attraction to another person, to you, the you that you put up for me to see, but now i see that it was not the real you, at least not 100%.

I don't know what to say. It is evening now.

-When i learned that you were coming to see me--she continues--i was excited. I have imagined things about you. Things about you that are attractive to me. I hoped that after seeing you, my fantasies about you were confirmed and we could go ahead with a relationship and i would deepen my feelings for you. But no, you disappointed me.

-How did i disappoint you?

-Your age.

-How do you feel right now?

-A little scared.

-Don't.

-But still, despite my age, do i look too old?

-In fact, not too old at all. I mean your face is smooth, you don't have any wrinkles, even though when you smile, the ends of your eyes contorted a little bit.

-So what is the matter?

-The matter is you are old enough to be my father, and i am afraid of that.

-What if i am a millionaire?

-I've never thought of that.

-Think about it.

-No, i don't want to think about it.

 

There are knocks on the door and the clerk comes in with a bag of clothes and hands it over to her. She gets up and goes into the bathroom. Ten minutes later, she comes out in a brand-new red nightgown, and again sits on her bed. She eats ice cream and drinks lemonade. She looks different in the gown. She looks docile, even domesticated. And her beauty radiates.

 

-It looks as if you agree to be a kidnapped person, I say.

 

I am surprised that she does not put up any resistance. She continues:

 

-I felt guilty after i left you at the cafe the other day. I was cruel to you. You, who had flown halfway around the world just to see me. And I did not even give you thirty minutes. In the meantime, seeing me, you love me even more. I ran out of the cafe too fast. I am sorry.

 

I feel much better. But what she says does not give me the hope that she will agree to be my lover. She is young and she must live what her heart tells her. And her heart tells her that this man is not for you. So i do not entertain any hope. What i hope for is a few tender moments with her for a few days. Without incidents. And it looks as if we are going to have them. Unless the sky collapses, which i doubt that it would happen. However, if the sky wants to collapse, i pray that it waits until i finish these few days with her. Then it can do whatever it wants. The earth can also be hit by an asteroid and destroyed and all life vanished. Just wait until i finish my things with her.

 

The evening air is warm. And the breeze brings in relief now and then.

 

-Are you hungry? I asks.

-Yes.

 

I call the clerk and ask him to prepare dinner for two.

 

-What do you like to eat?

-Fish and vegetables, she says.

-You want to eat in the hotel restaurant or in the room?

-I don't care where, she says.

 

So we will eat downstairs.

 

-Can i watch TV? she says.

-Yes, you can.

 

She turns on the TV and sits on the sofa. I lie on my bed and look at the ceiling. The fan is turning slowly. I heard noises from the TV. Voices and music. I glance at her. She is sitting under the yellow light of the lamp. I think that she is now completely content with her fate. The guilt that she has makes her that way? I believe so. And i feel peace, a warm feeling of security and quiet happiness.

 

The phone rings and the clerk says dinner is ready. We walk down stairs and into the restaurant. She is still wearing that red nightgown.

 

Near midnight, when we prepare to go to bed, i say that i want to tie her up because i am afraid that she might sneak out and disappear. That was why i have asked the clerk to buy me the ropes.

 

-No, don't tie me up--she says--i will not run away. I promise that i will stay with you until Friday.

 

I hesitate for a moment, then put the rope away.

 

-Good night, i say.

-Good night.

 

And i pass out.

 

The sun hit me in the face and i wake up. I hear the cries of the seagulls. She is till sleeping, lying on her side, with her back to me and her gown is tucked under her legs above the knees. I look at the exposed part of her legs. The skin. The white skin. The smoothness. I come closer. The hairs. Then i walk slowly and quietly around her bed and take in the whole picture of her body. Her face is partly covered by her hairs, but i can see a faint smile on her face. What is she seeing in her dreams? Her chest is almost bare because of the wide cut of the gown around the neck, and i can see her breasts, and the two pink nipples. A rush of desire overtakes me. I want to gently wake her up and make love to her. But no! You are not going to do that. You are not doing that to her, who trusts you enough to place her fate in your hands.

I walk to the window and look at the glittering sea. Five, then ten minutes, i stand and watch my desire fades away and know that i am saved from sin.

 

I wait for her to wake up, then we have breakfast and after breakfast i ask her if she wants to go for a swim in the ocean. She says yes. We walk to the beach. There are not many people there. She changes into a bikini and slowly enters the water. I sit on a beach chair, under an umbrella, and watch her swimming. The sun is already intense even at this early hours. The sky is a deep blue void, and there is not a strand of clouds. I look at the sky. And i think about Friday, the day i will release her. I chase the thought away. Because now I am the happiest man on earth, and i will not allow anything to interfere in our happiness, no, that is not entirely true, the happiness is mine only, because she might not be feeling what i feel, she did not come here voluntarily. There are many happy people right now, but i think i am the happiest. I can't believe my luck. What more do i ask for? And i have no fear of her running away. I am thankful that she does not put up any resistance. If she did, i would have to use force but i did not want that. I look at the ocean, Her head is up and down in the water. I stand up and take off my clothes and walk into the water. I swim toward her. When i get near, she looks at me and smiles. Then i dive underneath her and resurface on the other side. And i do it again and again. And when i accidentally touch her, she laughs. Then we return to the beach and lie next to each other on the sand, a foot apart. We return to the hotel near noon. The morning was passed in silence. Blissful silence. We do not say much to each other.

 

Back in the room we take turn to shower with fresh water in the bathroom. And she is back in her red gown.

 

-I am going to buy you some art supplies so you can paint and draw and pass the time, I say.

-Thank you, she says.

-Call the clerk and tell him what you want.

 

She does so, and when the supplies arrive in the early afternoon, she starts a painting. She paints the scene of the ocean and mountains outside the window. I sit and watch her paint. In the late afternoon, we bathe in the sea again and at dusk return to our room. The clerk smiles at us every time he sees us. He might be thinking that we are a happy couple. In a way, we are. At night when we are ready for bed, i ask her if she is happy.

 

-I feel ok, she says and smiles, how do you feel?

- I am very happy.

 

Tuesday is gone. And Wednesday is spent the same way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Eleven

 

Thursday night is our last night together. That night i start to feel pain in my heart. I think about tomorrow, and my heart screams don't let her go. But i must let her go. She has done enough for me, more than enough. To be with me, she allows her family to worry dead about her these few days, and she also misses out on classes. Her family might have reported her missing to the police. And they might be out hunting for her.