Dating & Courtship by Stephen Picklesimer (autobiographies to read TXT) 📖

correctly teach them how to date. Many freely admit that the following popular, trendy forms of dating are not the right solutions—that they do not really work. Yet, singles and teens are left with no choice but to accept what is offered for those “looking for love.” Here are a few methods of choice:
Clubs: Perhaps one of the most common settings for young people today is meeting people through so-called “dance clubs.” This involves trying to find potential dates—or more often, one-night sex partners—in an atmosphere of loud, pulsating music mixed with drugs and alcohol.
The atmosphere in these establishments causes participants to lose all semblance of self-control. Typically, young women are scantily clad, and it is common and considered perfectly normal for men to grope and fondle their bodies at any time while “dancing.”
The dancing occurring in these settings is little less than an orgy set to music!
Further, the noise is so loud that audible conversations are practically impossible. Could anyone in such an environment, filled with alcohol and focused on the thrill of the moment, possibly employ sound reason and logic to make right dating choices? The clear answer is NO! Rather, they are focused only on fulfilling sexual urges and desires!
The entire picture revolves around selfish lust and hoped-for instant gratification!
Astrology: Others “consult the stars” about dating. Lacking true knowledge, they seek their “romance forecast.” To do this, they go online to find out if they are truly compatible by taking five-minute quizzes that are supposed to solve all their dating confusion!
Online dating: This exploding trend involves a simple Internet search to select one or more of the many—seemingly endless—dating services that all claim to be able to “help find love.” Those looking for “a date, sex or a relationship” have “found the right place!” These sites profess to “bring passion and excitement to your life.”
The following statistics show that fast-growing numbers are caught up in this kind of dating: The “Personals/Dating” category surpassed both “Business/Investments” and “Entertainment/Lifestyles” on the Internet, and is one of the largest paid-content categories available. Revenue quadrupled from $72 million in 2001 to $302 million in 2002—just one year. Some websites see 10,000 registrants a day!
Advocates of this type of dating have gone so far as to say that online dating could actually fix what is wrong with marriages today. Astonishing!
This trend has turned dating into a “science” in which the person fills out a questionnaire often including hundreds of different questions. After a close analysis, couples are matched.
As a direct consequence, however, sex crimes have also dramatically increased. In Japan alone, sex crimes due to online dating nearly doubled between 2001 and 2002.
Needless to say, newspapers are filled with accounts reflecting the danger of meeting strangers through the anonymity of a computer or the classified ads, a similar type of dating.
Speed dating: Another recent trend is the practice of “speed dating.” This is billed as being able to “put an end to your lonely nights” because, apparently, it is seen as a more efficient way to increase your chances of finding “love.”
Simply described, it involves a group of people who sign up for the “speed event.” All gather and spend five minutes with each person in a continuing rotation. At the end of the evening, they choose whom they would like to date.
Only five minutes is the basis for their decision! Physical appearance obviously turns into the main consideration—and many are now beginning entire relationships like this. The rat race that continues all around us has even taken over dating, with singles now able to be “efficient,” rather than “wasting time” on getting to know one another through a gradual process.
A November 2003 USA Today cover story described the enormous shift in the way young adults date and select mates. Introduced with the statement “Courtship is out as today’s cupid’s shift to ‘speed’ dates, online connections and action plans,” the article described in detail the trends we are discussing. Notice:
“When it comes to finding that special someone, [name] waxes analytic: In 16 months, [he] sped through 2,500 three-minute Hurry Dates, at about $1.45 a date, not to mention 100 ‘real dates’ that lasted at least the length of a cup of coffee…
“[This man’s] method, though perhaps systematic to the extreme, illustrates what experts are calling the most significant shift in American dating culture since the mid-1960s. Back then, there existed something called courtship, in which couples came together with the help of college mixers, church socials and meddling parents, and were often engaged before their 21st birthdays.
“These days, twenty- and thirty-something singles who spent their post-college years focused on their careers instead of their love lives don’t have such matchmaking resources. Nor do they have the time to look for a mate the old-fashioned way—or wait for one to stumble into their lives.
“So they’re shunning the serendipitous, sweaty-palmed aspects of courtship and embracing efficiency in the form of ‘speed’ dating, on-line dating and 15-step dating action plans.
“Speed-dating events take singles through a series of three- to 10-minute mini-dates, often at bars. At the end of the night, suitors designate whom they’d like to see again, and if there’s a match, the wooing begins…
“Online personals have all but shed their stigma, evolving from a last resort to, as one Internet dater put it, a first line of defense.”
Obviously, dating in the 21st century has radically changed from just a few years ago—and the concept of courtship has become all but extinct.
Space does not permit the listing of all the wrong forms of dating that have resulted in what we see today. But realize that you have much to UNLEARN! Most of what you have learned and been conditioned to believe about dating is not correct! It is founded on wrong feelings of lust and selfishness! Accept that as fact!—and realize that looking to the all-powerful CREATOR for the correct way is the only path to long-term happiness!


Chapter Four –ESTABLISHING THE RIGHT FOUNDATION
Every engineer and architect understands the importance of a building’s foundation. To construct a huge skyscraper in the middle of a city, experienced engineers would first examine the land, before planning, let alone laying, the foundation. The bigger the structure, the stronger the foundation required to support it. Miscalculation can lead to disaster. Therefore, every precaution is taken to make sure that it is built correctly. Otherwise, an enormous amount of money and effort would be spent in vain.
Why do billions of people seem unable to apply the same principle to their own lives, especially when so much is at stake? Marriage, in a sense, is the second biggest “building” in one’s life (next to salvation), yet few see the importance of laying a RIGHT FOUNDATION—or any foundation—under it. Sadly, no school of marital architecture or engineering is teaching how to do this.
Necessity of a Good Foundation
Jesus was a carpenter. This meant that He understood the importance of carefully laying a right foundation before starting a building’s actual construction. He knew what this first step meant to the building process and later stability of the structure. In Luke, using this analogy, He described the man who “…built a house, and digged deep, and laid the foundation on a rock: and when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently upon that house, and could not shake it: for it was founded upon a rock.” He contrasted this with “…he that hears, and does not, is like a man that WITHOUT A FOUNDATION built a house upon the earth [Matthew’s account says “sand”]; against which the stream did beat vehemently, and immediately it fell; and the ruin of that house was great” (6:48-49).
The world does not understand that proper dating and courtship form the rock-solid foundation that every marriage must stand on. Instead, most unconsciously build marriages on little more than emotional and psychological sand! When troubles come into marriages—as they invariably do—failure results because they are improperly anchored. So many couples are unnecessarily swept away by “floods” for which they were never prepared.
How many years are required to build a towering skyscraper? Including clearing the worksite, digging and pouring the foundation alone can often take many months, or even a year. Likewise, it takes much time and effort to build a successful, solid relationship. And this also does involve first clearing the “worksite”—unlearning all of the wrong knowledge upon which your understanding of selecting a mate is founded.
Most human beings live their lives guided by feelings, and many times by mere momentary impulse. Using their own logic and experience, countless couples do not realize that absolute destruction lies ahead. What “seems right” can lead to the “death” of a marriage (Prov. 14:12).
Another important aspect of this analogy is that the foundation is not often noticeable. When standing amid a neighborhood full of houses, foundations are not easily seen. In a city, the huge concrete pillars that go deep into the ground under the skyscrapers are concealed. The same is true of dating, courtship and other areas of our lives. Often, we may not see the foundation, but it is critically important!
In the first stages of a relationship, when one is having a good time, all can seem wonderful. On the surface, a relationship founded on lust and infatuation is often hard to distinguish from one based on true biblical principles. Infatuation often comes disguised as true love, and few can—or will—see the difference. Nevertheless, the relationship built on infatuation is almost certain to collapse (and often so will some of the many lives directly connected to it), and usually very quickly, while the one built on true love will not.
Often, statements like, “They were so in love” or “I was there with them the evening they fell in love, and I knew it would be forever,” could be made by friends or family. But all those involved—participants and observers—were blind to the importance of a solid foundation.
Happy marriages do not come about by chance! Success requires much work and patience, and preparation must start before beginning to date. And the foundation of true marital success has several components.
Understanding the True God
There is no book in the Bible titled “How to Date, Court and Marry.” Nor are there specific chapters or verses with the words “date” or “court.” As a result, many professing Christians resort to their own beliefs and feelings on this matter. Yet, there are attributes of God, and very critical elements of His laws and principles, that must be understood to form a proper foundation in order to realize a happy and abundant life.
The world is ignorant of the true God and His laws. This is why so many ask themselves, “Who or what is God?” Because God is Spirit, and He must draw individuals to Christ (John 6:44, 65), it is actually impossible for humans to know the true God—or to grasp the laws that He put in place, which govern everything, including marriage—without Him calling them and revealing Himself to them.
You must be willing to absolutely PROVE the existence of the true God. This book is designed for those who will be able to understand the principles it contains, which are based upon what the God of the Bible teaches.
Scores of passages would be necessary to fully understand the true God of the Bible. However, for our purposes here, I John 4:8 states, “God is love.” Because God is also perfect, He has a perfect understanding of what constitutes love. Within His Master Plan is a supreme purpose for every human being.
God understood from Creation that it was “not good that the man should be alone.” Therefore, He created a wife for the first man, Adam (Gen. 2:18). Recall that He also taught Adam and Eve His Law and explained how, if kept, this would