Dating & Courtship by Stephen Picklesimer (autobiographies to read TXT) 📖

bring wonderful happiness and joy to their lives.
The Give Way
The Bible teaches that there are two different, opposing ways of life. One is best described as the “GIVE” way—the other as the “GET” way.
The give way is outgoing, outflowing concern for the needs, concerns and welfare of others. It is focused away from self! It is diametrically opposite in thinking from the get way, which is incoming, focused on self, with one’s own interests and needs at heart.
The Bible teaches that God has a “divine nature” (II Pet. 1:4). This nature is “natural” to God, but it is not natural for people. While His Way reflects the give way of life (Jms. 1:17), human beings practice the opposite. As simple as this sounds, your dating will reflect either the get or give way of life.
Though most will never admit it, they are almost totally preoccupied throughout their lives with getting, accumulating, satisfying, and focusing on the self. The average person views a date with one thing in mind, from the perspective of the number one person in his life—HIMSELF! One may not consciously admit this—or even be able to recognize it without God’s help—but it is true nevertheless. Influenced by your carnal nature, you will automatically—naturally—think selfishly, always putting your needs first.
Be determined from now on to ignore those selfish desires. Remember, God’s way is GIVE. When approaching each aspect of dating and courting, keep this fundamental perspective in mind. You are here—you were born—to GIVE to others. (Actually, when fully understood—and there is not enough space to cover more than the basics of it here—learning to give is the greatest goal in life!) In dating and courtship, this approach will benefit you in untold ways if you always keep it in the front of your mind.
Always ask yourself and be concerned with what kind of date you are GIVING, rather than what the other person is doing—whether you are GETTING from the other person what you expect, because you expect him or her to do the giving. And, in effect, this is what you are saying if you are focused on getting a good time.
God’s Way Simplified
Man has established millions of laws. Yet, he does not realize the awesome significance of God’s laws, embodied in the Ten Commandments. To most, these are merely considered to be ten Jewish principles of morality. Yet these commandments are far greater than that! God’s Law existed long before Moses received the stone tablets, given to Israel at Mt. Sinai.
God’s Law can be simplified into one word—LOVE. The Ten Commandments are summarized as love toward God and love toward fellow human beings. The first four teach man how to love God. Notice: “You shall have no other gods before Me. You shall not make unto you any graven image…You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain…Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy” (Ex. 20:3-8). In Matthew 22, Christ summarized these four, saying, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment” (vs. 37-38).
The last six of the Ten Commandments instruct man how to love his fellow man. Notice these: “Honor your father and your mother…You shall not kill. You shall not commit adultery. You shall not steal. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. You shall not covet…” (Ex. 20:12-17).
God’s Law Magnified
The Ten Commandments form the only true foundation of EVERY ASPECT of the right way to live—including how to form and maintain proper relationships. This Law existed before Moses—from the time of Creation. All ten were magnified in the New Testament and are still in effect today. As the same One who was the God of the Old Testament, Christ states that He “is the same yesterday, and today, and forever” (Heb. 13:8).
Jesus said, “Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am come not to destroy, but to fulfill” (Matt. 5:17). Christ knew that the commandments form the foundation on which all of God’s laws were built. As the God of the Old Testament, He inspired the prophecy in Isaiah 42:21: “The LORD is well pleased for His righteousness’ sake; He will MAGNIFY THE LAW, and make it HONORABLE.” (This prophecy was fulfilled at His First Coming.)
Christ referenced several of the Ten Commandments in the New Testament, in each case magnifying and strengthening them. Recall, for example, what He said concerning the Seventh Commandment, most important for our purpose here: “You have heard that it was said by them of old time, you shall not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart” (Matt. 5:27-28).
Violating the spirit of any of God’s Law is sin—and all sin is against God (Psa. 51:4). This is the perspective that one must take to understand correct dating and courtship. Your perspective should mirror God’s. Although the Bible does not tell us specifically how to approach every aspect of dating and courting, there are principles that must be applied to build a successful, long-lasting relationship. Everything you do in the course of dating and courtship should be based on GIVE, continually asking if your conduct reflects both love toward God and love toward your neighbor.
Sin is the opposite of love, and this includes vanity. Competition, strife (arguments), greed, envy, jealousy, hatred and lust all stem from vanity. The briefest look reveals that relationships today are filled with these attitudes.
What is Sin?
The Bible teaches that you have at least one thing in common with every man, woman and child who has ever lived: “For ALL have sinned, and come short of the glory of God” (Rom. 3:23). The Bible also says that when—not if—you sin, you automatically earn the penalty of death (Rom. 6:23).
But what is sin?—What is it that people do to earn death?
Many religious leaders teach that Christ died for our sins and that His shed blood cleanses us from sin. They preach about being set free from bondage to sin, while they preach about freedom from keeping God’s Law. Have you noticed that they never define what sin is—that they never challenge people to search their Bibles to see how God defines sin?
If they did, they would have to read I John 3:4, where John wrote, “Whosoever commits sin transgresses [breaks] also the law: for sin is the transgression [breaking] of the law.” When you sin, you break the law.
But what law? Paul wrote, “What shall we say then? Is the law sin? God forbid. Nay, I had not known sin, but by the law” (Rom. 7:7). God’s Law reveals sin, and the specifics of it.
Again, what law was Paul writing about? Notice: “…for I had not known lust, except THE LAW had said, You shall not covet” (same verse). This is the Tenth Commandment, found in Exodus 20:17 and Deuteronomy 5:21. Paul and John were both clearly referring to the Ten Commandments. Both apostles taught that breaking this Law is sin.
John also wrote, in I John 5:17, “All unrighteousness is sin.” Since God’s commandments are righteousness (Psa. 119:172), then unrighteousness—sin—must be the opposite. Therefore, sin is the breaking of God’s commandments.
The apostle James expanded this principle when he taught, “Whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend [sin] in one point, he is guilty of all. For He that said, do not commit adultery, said also, do not kill. Now if you commit no adultery, yet if you kill, you are become a transgressor of the law [a lawbreaker]” (2:10-11). Of course, James was also referring to the Ten Commandments.
Consider. People may go through life without ever physically committing a murder or adultery, or stealing or lying. Nevertheless, all have sinned. How can this be? Because even when we obey the letter of the Law, we can break the spirit of the Law in our MINDS—and this is sin.
Sin always begins in the mind. Given enough time, what you think about eventually becomes what you DO (Prov. 23:7). Notice what Christ said: “But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart [mind]; and they defile the man. For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders [Sixth Commandment], ADULTERIES [Seventh Commandment], FORNICATIONS, thefts [Eighth Commandment], false witness [Ninth Commandment], blasphemies [Third Commandment]: These are the things which defile a man” (Matt. 15:18-20).
Also, James 1:14-15 demonstrates that wrong thoughts eventually produce wrong actions: “But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust has conceived, it brings forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, brings forth death [the wages of sin].”
The typical singles scene in today’s society is a veritable study in temptation, lust and the sexual sins “conceived” as a result.
Lust Conceives Sin
Most never make the connection between thoughts and actions. The Bible records a tragic example of how lustful thoughts can lead to disaster. Even beginning Bible students are familiar with the account of King David’s adultery with Bathsheba. This story bears examination at this point to see how lust can conceive one sin, that leads to others, and results in death.
One spring evening, as David walked on the roof of his palace, he spotted a woman who was bathing (II Sam. 11:2). Instead of looking away, and putting her image out of his mind, he allowed himself to entertain wrong thoughts, and broke the Tenth Commandment—coveting another man’s wife.
These thoughts led him to inquire about the woman (vs. 3), and he discovered that she was the wife of Uriah, one of his most trusted servants. Unfortunately, this did not stop David from going forward to break the Seventh Commandment by committing adultery with her (vs. 4). His sin also involved breaking the Eighth Commandment. David took (stole) what did not belong to him—Uriah’s wife.
These sins eventually resulted in the birth of an illegitimate child (vs. 5). Earlier, wanting to cover up the pregnancy, David conspired against Uriah, who had been away faithfully fighting a war for his king. Recalling him from the front lines, David urged Uriah, through deceit, to sleep with Bathsheba to make him think he was the unborn child’s father (vs. 6-13). These actions broke the spirit of the Ninth Commandment—bearing false witness.
When Uriah refused to sleep with Bathsheba, feeling he must be with the troops instead, David orchestrated Uriah’s murder by having him placed in the most intense part of the battle, thus ensuring his death (vs. 14-17). David had now broken the Sixth Commandment—“You shall not kill.”
What began merely as impure thoughts led to multiple sins—and catastrophic results! Sin often begins in a seemingly harmless and innocent manner, but unless stopped and repented of in the early stages, it leads to catastrophe and complete destruction.
Eventually, when David came to see his sins as God did—as terrible lawbreaking and iniquity—he repented. This is why he wrote, “For You are not a God that has pleasure in wickedness: neither shall evil dwell with You. The foolish shall not stand in Your sight: You hate all workers of iniquity [sin]” (Psa. 5:4-5).
Foundation Established
The need to establish and then build on the basics is especially important with dating and courting. If one is not rooted in sound, clear understanding, it is impossible to build a sturdy house—physically or spiritually. You now have the necessary foundational knowledge to be able to understand principles we must yet discuss from God’s Word regarding dating and courtship.
The Bible further compares Christians to general contractors—builders. Notice Paul’s words: “According to the grace of God which is given unto me, as a WISE MASTERBUILDER, I have laid the foundation,