ON HIS OWN by Ajaya Pande Bajpai (big screen ebook reader txt) 📖

Ratan lay on his bed with a death like somberness.

The same Ratan who was the toast of the town , the very life of almost all the parties that he happened to find himself

Two tears rolled out of the confines of his eyes, silently , like mute spectators bound by their helplessness against all that is meted out in the name of reality… in the guise of the so called ‘actual life!’

Before he could raise his feeble hands to brush them away, it was done for him by?

Was he hallucinating? Yet again? It couldn’t be. It was actually not possible for a brain drugged and numbed by over the counter prescriptions to fall prey to illusions.

He tried to raise his head feebly but a firm yet compassionate touch held him down.

‘Who are you stranger?’ groaned Ratan. A pleasant male voice answered back, ‘I am, just as you said a stranger.’ A bewildered Ratan exclaimed feebly ‘ do I know you? Don’t you see that I am in no state to joke, leave alone solve any riddles which may jolt my mind to help figure out your identity.’

‘Hushh’ the stranger tried to whisper away Ratan’s agitation.


A strong hand enfolded Ratan’s feeble hand in its own. ‘Tell me about yourself.’

It was as if the stranger’s voice was compelling him to do something , which deep down made Ratan feel helpless, helpless against his inability to say ‘no’ and his awareness of his infirmity of seeking attention, trying to be the focus of all attention.

A million thoughts raced through his mind, before he could say something there was that voice once again.

What was the stranger saying, Ratan strained to hear, trying his level best to clear his mind from all the cobwebs that had enclosed it some time back.

There was a swift moment of clarity, a miniscule moment which brought upon Ratan a chilling realization that since adolescence he had lived life as if being in a constant state of stupor; initially the novelty of life itself, its tremendous possibilities, his freedom, his invincibility or so he thought and later…in.

The stranger had an annoying habit of interrupting Ratan’s thoughts, ‘so tell me’ the stranger juxtaposed ‘ doesn’t your name Ratan mean a gem? Have you been able to live up to your name?’
Ratan waited or rather strained to hear if the stranger had something more to say; but surprisingly a strained silence stretched between them.
The vocal Ratan, the cynosure of all eyes, one who never lost an opportunity to brag, was hesitant for the first time.
in.

“Ratan!” the melodius voice of his mother rang through his head; The enfeebled Ratan groaned, his eyes shut tightly, his hands clenched into tight fists, was his mind up to its old antics again, how was it possible to be transported back in time ? Was he a happy go lucky teenager, adored by his mother ?

“Ratan” this time his eyes flew open, thankful that it was not his mother who was beckoning him. “Why did you close your eyes?” the stranger asked.

Ratan turned away his face, a bitterness spread across it, how does one explain that seeing loss, pain and disappointment in a mother’s eye is unbearable, coping with silent, unasked questions conveyed by unguarded expressions were more devastating than vocalized reprimands or rebukes!

“Ratan,” and before the stranger could say anything more, a husky sob tore out of Ratan’s mouth “what, what exactly do you want to hear? Why should I stand being judged by a stranger, whether I did my mother proud or not, Oh forget it, Yes, I was a gem” at this point an agitated Ratan was seized with a harrowing cough.

A soft chuckle was heard in tandem with the racking cough. Tears poured down Ratan’s face, ravaged by illness. “My son,” the soft voice continued “was a gem?”


“Yes, yes I thought that I was eclectic, I did not want to appease any one! I committed a lot of mistakes, I perpetrated the wrong but there were times when I wanted to stop, but I could not, so many times I wanted to say sorry but every time it was too late! But then there was no one to beg forgiveness of” words seem to pour out of Ratan , with a sense of urgency.

Unexplained feelings, novel emotions washed over Ratan, he whispered something; on hearing the stranger’s sigh Ratan repeated somewhat audibly “Please forgive me!”
A palpable sense of peace descended over Ratan.
He was no longer on his own!

By,
Ajaya Pande Bajpai

Text: A grateful thanks to all the people who helped me with the illustrations.
Publication Date: 07-23-2010

All Rights Reserved

Dedication:
[ This story is dedicated to Kuntal and Prashant ! for these two; for not losing their “inner child,” for retaining and holding on to their “true” emotions; for not having an unnecessary attitude and most of all for not being afraid to spread Good Cheer amongst their brethren. May we have more of such positive people!]