INSANITY by Elsie Janda (digital book reader TXT) 📖

Day One

Janelle

The whispers will forever haunt me. In my dreams, I hear them. While I’m awake, I hear them. When I lie on the borderline of dream and wake late at night, they speak louder than ever. It would be better if their words were different.

“You’re ugly.”

“You’re worthless.”

“You’re stupid.”

“You’re pathetic.”

“Everyone hates you.”

“You’ll never be good enough.”

“You’d be better off dead.”

“You’re fat.”

“Why are you still alive?”

“You’re a coward.”

They’re right.

Logan

I’m told that I’m not supposed to talk back. That people will think I’m odd. “Why do you talk to yourself?” They question.
Am I the only one that can see them?

Kylie

Sometimes I disappear. That’s what people tell me, at least. Maybe they’re right. I don’t always know how I got somewhere, or why I’m accused of doing something that I clearly didn’t.
They keep telling me that I change. That one moment I’m me and the next moment I’m not. How do I know, then, that I’m really me, and not someone else?

Westley

I see, every day, how easy it would be. To pull the trigger. To take those pills. To tie up that rope. People don’t understand how easy it would be for me. They say I shouldn’t. Why not? Who would miss me?
No one, that’s who.

Alicia

Why can’t I just be the way I want? I just want to look thin. Is it because I’m weak? I have trouble resisting food. Stupid me. If I didn’t eat so much, I would be thinner. It’s so obvious. What’s the real point of eating, anyways? To store stuff, right? As fat. And therefore, become fat. I’m done with looking in the mirror and knowing that me being thin is only a dream. I’m sick of looking at myself and thinking, “Gosh, you’re overweight.”
I’m sick of eating.

Day Two

Janelle

I made a terrible mistake today. I looked in a mirror. I instantly pointed out every single physical flaw on my body. My nose is way too big. My hair isn’t nice. My smile looks fake. And my glasses… those stupid glasses!
Some people see themselves when they look in a mirror. I see a monster.

Logan

I just don’t understand. Why can’t other people hear these things? Am I crazy? I think I must be. Why else would I be hearing things? Mom says that I talk to myself an awful lot, too. My classmates all think I’m weird. What they don’t understand is that I’m not talking to myself. I’m talking to my friends. Dad says my friends must be imaginary, because they sure aren’t there. But you can’t actually see imaginary friends. I can see them.
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Kylie

This morning when I woke up, Mom was really hurt. She was crying and had a big bruise. She told the police that it was me, that I did that horrid thing to her. I swear to God I’m innocent. Although… I would like to know why I woke up with a baseball bat in my hand.
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Westley

I am sitting alone with a bloody nose and a black eye. Once again, I was beat up after school. As soon as I got home I retreated to my bedroom, where I am currently hiding from the world. I’m mostly hiding from my family. I’m terrified of them knowing how I really am. If they find out, I think that they’ll treat me like a little kid. I am not a little kid.
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Alicia

Today was the day that I stopped eating – forever. I promise you this: never again shall I consume. So far today, I’ve had two glasses of water. Nothing else. It’s going to stay that way, too.

Day Three

Janelle

I think some of my makeup might’ve rubbed off today. I really hope that no one saw the secret that the makeup was concealing. I wish it had been the makeup on my face rather than the stuff on my wrists.

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Logan

I’ve discovered that I’m definitely not crazy. Thank goodness, my twin brother told me that he sees the people too, that he hears the voices too. I think the chances of both of us being crazy are lower than the chances that we are both normal.

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Kylie

Today I was forced to talk to an odd man that called himself a psychiatrist. He said that he could help me with “my problem”. I don’t have a problem, and I’m certainly not crazy. All that he really did was ask me a bunch of ridiculous questions about my life.

“What’s your mom’s name?”

“Angie.”

“Do you have any siblings?”

“No.”

“Any pets?”

“No.”

“Can you tell me about your father?”

“No.”

The thing is, I don’t remember a thing about my father.

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Westley

Something strange and somewhat scary happened when I was walking home from school. I wasn’t beat up, or picked on, or really bothered at all. I walked across a bridge. As I was walking, I stopped at the side and gazed down, down at the river beneath me. I realized I could just jump. Drown myself. It wouldn’t be difficult at all.

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Alicia

So terribly hungry… but I cannot allow myself to be weak. I knew before I started this that it would be difficult. This is the price I must pay to be perfect. To be wanted. To be accepted. It’s a hard price, yes, but necessary to pay. I will gladly do this.

Day Four

Janelle

You honestly have no idea how it feels to run a blade over your skin. How it feels to leave opening across your arms, your stomach, your legs. How it feels to watch and feel the blood flowing from your veins. It’s an indescribable feeling.

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Logan

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m starting to believe my dad about my friend being imaginary. Figments of my imagination. They seem so real, though, and my brother can also see them. I told my mother about how this is. She just looked at me, all worried, and didn’t say a thing. I think she knows what’s wrong with me. What’s wrong with us.

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Kylie

For the first time in my life, I attempted to talk to Mom about my father. He’s remained a mystery my entire life, and I really want to know why he isn’t around. I asked Mom why I don’t remember him. She didn’t say anything for a while, but she finally said that I’m lucky I don’t remember. I guess she wishes she didn’t.

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Westley

I was bullied constantly at school today.

“Hey there, ugly!”

“Nerd!”

“Homo!”

Now I’m busy tying a noose.

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Alicia

I am so incredibly stupid. Pathetic. Weak. I just couldn’t take it… I just couldn’t bear it… I ate. I cannot believe this. I promised I wouldn’t. Gosh, I’m so hopeless. Fat, pathetic loser. That’s all I am. That’s all I’m ever going to be.

Day Five

Janelle

Why must it get so unbearably hot now? It’s making it very difficult to tolerate my long sleeves. I can’t do anything else to hide. Makeup isn’t going to hide blood.

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Logan

My life is beginning to seem somewhat abnormal. It looks as though my brother and I have some