shouting in silence by Wendy Ortiz (best books to read for self development .txt) 📖

I was born in New York, I’m not sure where exactly. See I wasn’t raised there all I know is that there was where my mother popped. At least that’s what my grandmother told me. You see my mother passed away when I was born so I didn’t get to know her. I was raised, part of my young life, by my father. But then was taken away and handed to my grandmother.

My mother named me Laura and well she gave me no middle name, it was just Laura Trinidad Rivera. When i came out my mother had a heart attack, I'm not sure why but that is what I was told. My father became depressed after my mother’s death he couldn’t stand looking at anything that reminded him of her. So we moved, I was only 3 months or so. We moved to another state, we moved to Arkansas.

There my father and I moved to an apartment which is where I lived for most of my young life. It was a perfect place our neighbors where nice and the weather was perfect. Father seemed to love where we were. He found a great job and he also found a girlfriend, after three years of being single. Her name was Tina, she loved me and I loved her. Every day before school she would wake me up with some blueberry pancakes, bacon and some nice homemade orange juice. She would dress me and take me to school. She did this for about five years, then she left. I guess this is what sparked the fire because before that father was very happy.

That Saturday morning father woke up to an empty bed. There was a note on the pillow that read:

I’m sorry, but I had to go, I love you and you know this but

I couldn’t stay I have to find my real destiny. Take care

                         With much love,

             Tina

        P.S. give a kiss to Laura and tell her I love her. Good bye

I hadn’t seen my dad cry since a long time but that day it wasn’t only tears I saw, I saw more. That night was when my destiny started.

            Father didn’t stop drinking it was around 8 when it happened I knew the time because that when I always started to get sleepy and Tina would tuck me in. I went to father and asked him to tuck me in. “tuck you in? What do I look like? I’m not doing anything for you, go away!” He was drunk and so I ignored him and with tears in my eyes I said good night and went to my bed. Later that night I was awaken by a slap on my face. I woke up frighten I wasn’t sure what was going on. “You stupid child it’s your entire fault, she died because of you and Tina left because of you now I’m all alone” he yelled as if he was crazy. I started crying not knowing why all this was my fault. “Why didn’t you die you should have been the one dead buried under the ground” he slapped my face on more time and pulled me off my bed and threw me on the hard floor. “I’m sorry daddy!” I said still crying and shaking” SORRY!! You think you can solve it this with one simple I’m sorry? Whatta hell is your head? Shit!?!” he said this as he shook me violently. He got up and said “I wish you would die that would solve my problems” as he was about to walk out he turned around and kicked me on my stomach.

            The next morning I expected him to apologize, hug me and everything would go back to normal. I was wrong, nothing was normal any more he was always drunk or high and I would spend most of my time hiding in my closet. I had to learn how to cook how to wash I had to grow up if I wanted to live. He didn’t do anything for me and if I didn’t cook right I would receive an extra beating.

            I was only eight and I had to do all that a teenager would be doing, I lived a woman’s life not a child’s life. Father beat me almost every night for the same reason. If he didn’t do it, it was because he was to drunk or because I hid in the closet and he couldn’t find me. Fear replaced the love that I had for him. Every night I would look up and ask to myself why was my life like this? Why didn’t someone come to my rescue? I didn’t have any friends, in school I stayed by myself and pushed everyone away. One day in fourth grade I punched a boy in the throat because he said I looked like crap. That night I received a beating because I was a bad girl. Father was always smart to where to hit me so the school or anyone else wouldn’t notice. I wish someone would notice, I wished I could be saved.

            One day at the beginning of my fifth grade year a blond cute little girl came to me. She had a nice cute pink skirt with a white blouse on. I hated the way she looked, I was jealous I was still wearing the same clothes from two years ago and I looked so ugly. “Hi!” she said in a peppy voice. I already hating her she was too happy to clean. “What?!?!” I responded with nasty attitude. “I was wondering if I could sit with you.” I never shared my desk but I made an option “Thank you” EWW! I felt disgusted by her happiness. How can someone be so happy? “By the way my name is Laura” she held her hand out and smiled. Not only did she look better than me but she also had my name. What was this world turning into? “Hi” I shook her hand and snatched it real quick “what’s your name?” did it really matter if she knew? “Laura”. She seemed exited when I said this cause she squeaked I mean for real this crazy blond chick squeaked and almost made a hole in the roof from how high she jumped. “we are going to be great friends!!”

That last year was great; as Laura had said we did become great friends in fact she was my best friend, my sister. She and I went to the same middle school and stayed together we did everything together stood by each other and for each other. My life didn’t feel that bad now that I had her, she helped me forget the pain and agony from home. Laura had no idea what I went through at home all she knew was that my father didn’t make enough money so he was out a lot trying to make ends meet.

            We were in the last week of our eighth grade year and we were excited because we were going to be going to high school. We were going to be teens and were going to be able to have fun, real fun. Laura’s parents were strict about how she should behave and what she should do but since her parents were always in business trips she did what she wanted. It was fun being around her, she looked so innocent yet she was so wild. “So what are you going to wear for the graduation party?” she asked with such enthusiasm. She had been planning a party since the beginning of our eight grade year. “I don’t know, some jeans and a shirt I guess” I didn’t want to say anything but my father, he wouldn’t give me money for anything of that and my babysitting wasn’t going to be able to pay everything off. “WHAT!!! Laura you need to look sexy! Hello high scholars are going to be there and we need to look good not like two little girls” I knew what she was thinking she wanted a night with one of them. “I really don’t want any attention from them I just want to graduate keep on moving and start my life” and get away from my father “see that’s what’s so different about us I want to ride the roller coaster and you would be content if you just rode the lazy river” she did a lot of comparing, she always compered everything with anything” whatever let’s get to class before we are late”.

            When school was over Laura dropped me off at my house” ok so be ready by eight tonight” what was she talking about? I got chills all over my body she had that smiled on her face that told me she was planning something “why?” I asked kind of wishing she wouldn’t respond “oh you’ll see” as she said this her car went by. I opened the door of my house and as I stepped in I got creped out. It was to quiet. I ignored my feeling and stated walking toward my room as I passed my father’s room I heard moans and smacks, I knew he had one of his little friend over again. It discussed me how every day he slept with a whole different girl. I mean for real, I’ve seen them all and none of them are repeated. As a stepped out of my room to go the kitchen a sound caught my attention. My father moan and started saying yes, and another manly voice said give it to me give it to me. I froze; my father was sleeping with another man? I felt dizzy I needed air I needed to vomit I ran to my bathroom and pucked my guts out. As I stepped out once more my father was coming out as well and behind him followed a tall tan green eyed man. He was gorgeous.            

            “What are you looking at?” he shouted at me. I wasn’t sure what to do I just stood there and stared at him. The guy looked at me and said “hi sweetie” sweetie? What!!! I was more than disgusted I didn’t know what to do so all I did was walk away and walked towards the kitchen. He pulled me by the hair and said “don’t be rude, he said hi” he turned me around and made me face him. “Hi” as I said this turned around and started to walk away. I stepped in the kitchen I heard dad say, I’m sorry she is a very misbehaving girl, I try my best to raise her correctly but she just doesn’t listen. A misbehaving girl? Sure, I did everything in this house I don’t know what he was talking about