The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoyevsky (grave mercy TXT) đ
- Author: Fyodor Dostoyevsky
- Performer: 014044792X
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At length he observed, to his amazement, that all had taken their seats again, and were laughing and talking as though nothing had happened. Another minute and the laughter grew louderâthey were laughing at him, at his dumb stuporâlaughing kindly and merrily. Several of them spoke to him, and spoke so kindly and cordially, especially Lizabetha Prokofievnaâshe was saying the kindest possible things to him.
Suddenly he became aware that General Epanchin was tapping him on the shoulder; Ivan Petrovitch was laughing too, but still more kind and sympathizing was the old dignitary. He took the prince by the hand and pressed it warmly; then he patted it, and quietly urged him to recollect himselfâspeaking to him exactly as he would have spoken to a little frightened child, which pleased the prince wonderfully; and next seated him beside himself.
The prince gazed into his face with pleasure, but still seemed to have no power to speak. His breath failed him. The old manâs face pleased him greatly.
âDo you really forgive me?â he said at last. âAndâand Lizabetha Prokofievna too?â The laugh increased, tears came into the princeâs eyes, he could not believe in all this kindnessâhe was enchanted.
âThe vase certainly was a very beautiful one. I remember it here for fifteen yearsâyes, quite that!â remarked Ivan Petrovitch.
âOh, what a dreadful calamity! A wretched vase smashed, and a man half dead with remorse about it,â said Lizabetha Prokofievna, loudly. âWhat made you so dreadfully startled, Lef Nicolaievitch?â she added, a little timidly. âCome, my dear boy! cheer up. You really alarm me, taking the accident so to heart.â
âDo you forgive me allâALL, besides the vase, I mean?â said the prince, rising from his seat once more, but the old gentleman caught his hand and drew him down againâhe seemed unwilling to let him go.
âCâest tres-curieux et câest tres-serieux,â he whispered across the table to Ivan Petrovitch, rather loudly. Probably the prince heard him.
âSo that I have not offended any of you? You will not believe how happy I am to be able to think so. It is as it should be. As if I COULD offend anyone here! I should offend you again by even suggesting such a thing.â
âCalm yourself, my dear fellow. You are exaggerating again; you really have no occasion to be so grateful to us. It is a feeling which does you great credit, but an exaggeration, for all that.â
âI am not exactly thanking you, I am only feeling a growing admiration for youâit makes me happy to look at you. I dare say I am speaking very foolishly, but I must speakâI must explain, if it be out of nothing better than self-respect.â
All he said and did was abrupt, confused, feverishâvery likely the words he spoke, as often as not, were not those he wished to say. He seemed to inquire whether he MIGHT speak. His eyes lighted on Princess Bielokonski.
âAll right, my friend, talk away, talk away!â she remarked. âOnly donât lose your breath; you were in such a hurry when you began, and look what youâve come to now! Donât be afraid of speakingâ all these ladies and gentlemen have seen far stranger people than yourself; you donât astonish THEM. You are nothing out-of-the-way remarkable, you know. Youâve done nothing but break a vase, and give us all a fright.â
The prince listened, smiling.
âWasnât it you,â he said, suddenly turning to the old gentleman, âwho saved the student Porkunoff and a clerk called Shoabrin from being sent to Siberia, two or three months since?â
The old dignitary blushed a little, and murmured that the prince had better not excite himself further.
âAnd I have heard of YOU,â continued the prince, addressing Ivan Petrovitch, âthat when some of your villagers were burned out you gave them wood to build up their houses again, though they were no longer your serfs and had behaved badly towards you.â
âOh, come, come! You are exaggerating,â said Ivan Petrovitch, beaming with satisfaction, all the same. He was right, however, in this instance, for the report had reached the princeâs ears in an incorrect form.
âAnd you, princess,â he went on, addressing Princess Bielokonski, âwas it not you who received me in Moscow, six months since, as kindly as though I had been your own son, in response to a letter from Lizabetha Prokofievna; and gave me one piece of advice, again as to your own son, which I shall never forget? Do you remember?â
âWhat are you making such a fuss about?â said the old lady, with annoyance. âYou are a good fellow, but very silly. One gives you a halfpenny, and you are as grateful as though one had saved your life. You think this is praiseworthy on your part, but it is not âit is not, indeed.â
She seemed to be very angry, but suddenly burst out laughing, quite good-humouredly.
Lizabetha Prokofievnaâs face brightened up, too; so did that of General Epanchin.
âI told you Lef Nicolaievitch was a manâa manâif only he would not be in such a hurry, as the princess remarked,â said the latter, with delight.
Aglaya alone seemed sad and depressed; her face was flushed, perhaps with indignation.
âHe really is very charming,â whispered the old dignitary to Ivan Petrovitch.
âI came into this room with anguish in my heart,â continued the prince, with ever-growing agitation, speaking quicker and quicker, and with increasing strangeness. âIâI was afraid of you all, and afraid of myself. I was most afraid of myself. When I returned to Petersburg, I promised myself to make a point of seeing our greatest men, and members of our oldest familiesâthe old families like my own. I am now among princes like myself, am I not? I wished to know you, and it was necessary, very, very necessary. I had always heard so much that was evil said of you allâmore evil than good; as to how small and petty were your interests, how absurd your habits, how shallow your education, and so on. There is so much written and said about you! I came here today with anxious curiosity; I wished to see for myself and form my own convictions as to whether it were true that the whole of this upper stratum of Russian society is WORTHLESS, has outlived its time, has existed too long, and is only fit to dieâ and yet is dying with petty, spiteful warring against that which is destined to supersede it and take its placeâhindering the Coming Men, and knowing not that itself is in a dying condition. I did not fully believe in this view even before, for there never was such a class among usâexcepting perhaps at court, by accidentâor by uniform; but now there is not even that, is there? It has vanished, has it not?â
âNo, not a bit of it,â said Ivan Petrovitch, with a sarcastic laugh.
âGood Lord, heâs off again!â said Princess Bielokonski, impatiently.
âLaissez-le dire! He is trembling all over,â said the old man, in a warning whisper.
The prince certainly was beside himself.
âWell? What have I seen?â he continued. âI have seen men of graceful simplicity of intellect; I have seen an old man who is not above speaking kindly and even LISTENING to a boy like myself; I see before me persons who can understand, who can forgiveâkind, good Russian heartsâhearts almost as kind and cordial as I met abroad. Imagine how delighted I must have been, and how surprised! Oh, let me express this feeling! I have so often heard, and I have even believed, that in society there was nothing but empty forms, and that reality had vanished; but I now see for myself that this can never be the case HERE, among usâit may be the order elsewhere, but not in Russia. Surely you are not all Jesuits and deceivers! I heard Prince N.âs story just now. Was it not simple-minded, spontaneous humour? Could such words come from the lips of a man who is dead?âa man whose heart and talents are dried up? Could dead men and women have treated me so kindly as you have all been treating me to-day? Is there not material for the future in all thisâfor hope? Can such people fail to UNDERSTAND? Can such men fall away from reality?â
âOnce more let us beg you to be calm, my dear boy. Weâll talk of all this another timeâI shall do so with the greatest pleasure, for one,â said the old dignitary, with a smile.
Ivan Petrovitch grunted and twisted round in his chair. General Epanchin moved nervously. The latterâs chief had started a conversation with the wife of the dignitary, and took no notice whatever of the prince, but the old lady very often glanced at him, and listened to what he was saying.
âNo, I had better speak,â continued the prince, with a new outburst of feverish emotion, and turning towards the old man with an air of confidential trustfulness.â Yesterday, Aglaya Ivanovna forbade me to talk, and even specified the particular subjects I must not touch uponâshe knows well enough that I am odd when I get upon these matters. I am nearly twenty-seven years old, and yet I know I am little better than a child. I have no right to express my ideas, and said so long ago. Only in Moscow, with Rogojin, did I ever speak absolutely freely! He and I read Pushkin togetherâall his works. Rogojin knew nothing of Pushkin, had not even heard his name. I am always afraid of spoiling a great Thought or Idea by my absurd manner. I have no eloquence, I know. I always make the wrong gesturesâ inappropriate gesturesâand therefore I degrade the Thought, and raise a laugh instead of doing my subject justice. I have no sense of proportion either, and that is the chief thing. I know it would be much better if I were always to sit still and say nothing. When I do so, I appear to be quite a sensible sort of a person, and whatâs more, I think about things. But now I must speak; it is better that I should. I began to speak because you looked so kindly at me; you have such a beautiful face. I promised Aglaya Ivanovna yesterday that I would not speak all the evening.â
âReally?â said the old man, smiling.
âBut, at times, I canât help thinking that I am. wrong in feeling so about it, you know. Sincerity is more important than elocution, isnât it?â
âSometimes.â
âI want to explain all to youâeverythingâeverything! I know you think me Utopian, donât youâan idealist? Oh, no! Iâm not, indeedâmy ideas are all so simple. You donât believe me? You are smiling. Do you know, I am sometimes very wickedâfor I lose my faith? This evening as I came here, I thought to myself, âWhat shall I talk about? How am I to begin, so that they may be able to understand partially, at all events?â How afraid I wasâ dreadfully afraid! And yet, how COULD I be afraidâwas it not shameful of me? Was I afraid of finding a bottomless abyss of empty selfishness? Ah! thatâs why I am so happy at this moment, because I find there is no bottomless abyss at allâbut good, healthy material, full of life.
âIt is not such a very dreadful circumstance that we are odd people, is it? For we really are odd, you knowâcareless, reckless, easily wearied of anything. We donât look thoroughly into mattersâdonât care to understand things. We are all like thisâyou and I, and all of them! Why, here are you, nowâyou are not a bit angry with me for calling you odd,â are you? And, if so, surely there is
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