Poor Miss Finch by Wilkie Collins (heaven official's blessing novel english txt) đ
- Author: Wilkie Collins
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âYou must be back, no matter what happen, before the new year.â
âWhy?â
âI have my yearly visit to pay to my aunt. It has been twice put off. I must absolutely go to London on the last day of the old year, and stay there my allotted three months in Miss Batchfordâs house. I had hoped to be Oscarâs wife before the time came round againâ-â she waited a moment to steady her voice. âThat is all over now. We must be parted. If I canât leave you here to console him and to take care of him, come what may of itâI shall stay at Dimchurch.â
Her staying at Dimchurch, while she was still unmarried, meant (under the terms of her uncleâs will) sacrificing her fortune. If Reverend Finch had heard her, he would not even have been able to say âInscrutable Providenceââhe would have lost his senses on the spot.
âDonât be afraid,â I said; âI shall be back, Lucilla, before you go. Besides, Oscar may get better. He may be able to follow you to London, and visit you at your auntâs.â
She shook her head, with such a sad, sad doubt of it, that the tears came into my eyes. I gave her a last kissâand hurried away.
My route was to Newhaven, and then across the Channel to Dieppe. I donât think I really knew how fond I had grown of Lucilla, until I lost sight of the rectory at the turn in the road to Brighton. My natural firmness deserted me; I felt torturing presentiments that some great misfortune would happen in my absence; I astonished myselfâI, the widow of the Spartan Pratolungo!âby having a good cry, like any other woman.
Sooner or later, we susceptible people pay with the heartache for the privilege of loving. No matter: heartache or not, one must have something to love in this world as long as one lives in it. I have lived in itânever mind how many yearsâand I have got Lucilla. Before Lucilla I had the Doctor. Before the Doctorâah, my friends, we wonât look back beyond the Doctor!
THE history of my proceedings in Paris can be dismissed in a very few words. It is only necessary to dwell in detail on one among the many particulars which connect themselves in my memory with the rescue of good Papa.
The affair, this time, assumed the gravest possible aspect. The venerable victim had gone the length of renewing his youth, in respect of his teeth, his hair, his complexion, and his figure (this last involving the purchase of a pair of stays). I declare I hardly knew him again, he was so outrageously and unnaturally young. The utmost stretch of my influence was exerted over him in vain. He embraced me with the most touching fervour; he expressed the noblest sentimentsâbut in the matter of his contemplated marriage, he was immovable. Life was only tolerable to him on one condition. The beloved object, or deathâsuch was the programme of this volcanic old man.
To make the prospect more hopeless still, the beloved object proved, on this occasion, to be a bold enough woman to play her trump card at starting.
I give the jade her due. She assumed a perfectly unassailable attitude: we had her full permission to break off the matchâif we could. âI refer you to your father. Pray understand that I donât wish to marry him, if his daughters object to it. He has only to say, âRelease me.â From that moment he is free.â There was no contending against such a system of defence as this. We knew as well as she did that our fascinated parent would not say the word. Our one chance was to spend money in investigating the antecedent indiscretions of the ladyâs life, and to produce against her proof so indisputable that not even an old manâs infatuation could say, This is a lie.
We disbursed; we investigated; we secured our proof. It took a fortnight. At the end of that time, we had the necessary materials in hand for opening the eyes of good Papa.
In the course of the inquiry I was brought into contact with many strange peopleâamong others, with a man who startled me, at our first interview, by presenting a personal deformity, which, with all my experience of the world, I now saw oddly enough for the first time.
The manâs face, instead of exhibiting any of the usual shades of complexion, was hideously distinguished by a superhumanâI had almost said a devilishâcolouring of livid blackish blue! He proved to be a most kind, intelligent, and serviceable person. But when we first confronted each other, his horrible color so startled me, that I could not repress a cry of alarm. He not only passed over my involuntary act of rudeness in the most indulgent mannerâhe explained to me the cause which had produced his peculiarity of complexion; so as to put me at my ease before we entered on the delicate private inquiry which had brought us together.
âI beg your pardon,â said this unfortunate man, âfor not having warned you of my disfigurement, before I entered the room. There are hundreds of people discolored as I am, in the various parts of the civilized world; and I supposed that you had met, in the course of your experience, with other examples of my case. The blue tinge in my complexion is produced by the effect on the blood of Nitrate of Silverâtaken internally. It is the only medicine which relieves sufferers like me from an otherwise incurable malady. We have no alternative but to accept the consequences for the sake of the cure.â
He did not mention what his malady had been; and I abstained, it is needless to say, from questioning him further. I got used to his disfigurement in the course of my relations with him; and I should no doubt have forgotten my blue man in attending to more absorbing matters of interest, if the effects of Nitrate of Silver as a medicine had not been once more unexpectedly forced on my attention, in another quarter, and under circumstances which surprised me in no ordinary degree.
Having saved Papa on the brink ofâlet us say, his twentieth precipice, it was next necessary to stay a few days longer and reconcile him to the hardship of being rescued in spite of himself. You would have been greatly shocked, if you had seen how he suffered. He gnashed his expensive teeth; he tore his beautifully manufactured hair. In the fervour of his emotions, I have no doubt he would have burst his new staysâif I had not taken them away, and sold them half-price, and made (to that small extent) a profit out of our calamity to set against the loss. Do what one may in the detestable system of modern society, the pivot on which it all turns is Money. Money, when you are saving Freedom! Money, when you are saving Papa! Is there no remedy for this? A word in your ear. Wait till the next revolution!
During the time of my absence, I had of course corresponded with Lucilla.
Her letters to meâvery sad and very shortâreported a melancholy state of things at Dimchurch. While I had been away, the dreadful epileptic seizures had attacked Oscar with increasing frequency and increasing severity. The moment I could see my way to getting back to England, I wrote to Lucilla to cheer her with the intimation of my return. Two days only before my departure from Paris, I received another letter from her. I was weak enough to be almost afraid to open it. Her writing to me again, when she knew that we should be reunited at such an early date, suggested that she must have some very startling news to communicate. My mind misgave me that it would prove to be news of the worst sort.
I summoned courage to open the envelope. Ah, what fools we are! For once that our presentments come right, they prove a hundred times to be wrong. Instead of distressing me, the letter delighted me. Our gloomy prospect was brightening at last.
Thusâfeeling her way over the paper, in her large childish charactersâLucilla wrote:
âDEAREST FRIEND AND SISTER,âI cannot wait until we meet, to tell you my good news. The Brighton doctor has been dismissed; and a doctor from London has been tried instead. My dear! for intellect there is nothing like London. The new man sees, thinks, and makes up his mind on the spot. He has a way of his own of treating Oscarâs case; and he answers for curing him of the horrible fits. There is news for you! Come back, and let us jump for joy together. How wrong I was to doubt the future! Never, never, never will I doubt it again. This is the longest letter I have ever written.
âYour affectionate,
âLUCILLA.â
To this, a postscript was added, in Oscarâs handwriting, as follows:â
âLucilla has told you that there is some hope for me at last. What I write in this place is written without her knowledgeâfor your private ear only. Take the first opportunity you can find of coming to see me at Browndown, without allowing Lucilla to hear of it. I have a great favor to ask of you. My happiness depends on your granting it. You shall know what it is, when we meet.
âOSCAR.â
This postscript puzzled me.
It was not in harmony with the implicit confidence which I had observed Oscar to place habitually in Lucilla. It jarred on my experience of his character, which presented him to me as the reverse of a reserved secretive man. His concealment of his identity, when he first came among us, had been a forced concealmentâdue entirely to his horror of being identified with the hero of the trial. In all the ordinary relations of life, he was open and unreserved to a fault. That he could have a secret to keep from Lucilla, and to confide to me, was something perfectly unintelligible to my mind. It highly excited my curiosity; it gave me a new reason for longing to get back.
I was able to make all my arrangements, and to bid adieu to my father and my sisters on the evening of the twenty-third. Early on the morning of the twenty-fourth, I left Paris, and reached Dimchurch in time for the final festivities in celebration of Christmas Eve.
The first hour of Christmas Day had struck on the clock in our own pretty sitting-room, before I could prevail upon Lucilla to let me rest, after my journey, in bed. She was now once more the joyous light-hearted creature of our happier time; and she had so much to say to me, that not even her father himself (on this occasion) could have talked her down. The next morning she paid the penalty of exciting herself overnight. When I went into her room, she was suffering from a nervous headache, and was not able to rise at her usual hour. She proposed of her own accord that I should go alone to Browndown to see Oscar on my return. It is only doing common justice to myself to say that this was a relief to me. If she had had the use of her eyes, my conscience would have been easy enoughâbut I shrank from deceiving my dear blind girl, even in the slightest things.
So, with Lucillaâs knowledge and approval, I went to Oscar alone.
I found him fretful and anxiousâready to flame out into one of his sudden passions, on the smallest provocation. Not the slightest reflection of Lucillaâs recovered cheerfulness appeared in Lucillaâs lover.
âHas she said anything to you about
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