Really? by M.J. Garrett (best motivational books to read .TXT) 📖

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It was a hard adjustment. No job, kids, no money, no friends....hell, not much of anything except the goal of making the lives of these two innocent children better. I laid on the couch all night, wondering what to do. I needed to find a job. I needed some sort of income to supply me and my new found responsibilities with food and rent. Tossing and turning, my head was like a Rolodex of fruitless answers.

I would get up and go check on them. I wanted to make sure that they were doing okay. I needed to know that they were sleeping well and that the overwhelming circumstance wasn't too hard for them. Cracking the door open, the sliver of light made its way across the room. Seeing their two blonde heads resting peacefully on the pillow, made me feel at ease. Watching them there, with their knees pulled to their chest and their beautiful hair softly covering their face, urged me to stand there in admiration. They were so beautiful. They were so innocent and calm.

Wondering what dreams they had prancing through their head, I softly walked over and kneel beside them. With my chubby hands and hairy fingers, I gingerly tucked their hair behind their ear. Their faces were soft and peaceful. I watched them. I admired their flawless skin and how they smiled while they slept. Surely, there was a god up there.

Smiling to myself, I got up and walked toward the door. As I stepped out of the room, I peeked back to get one last look before I closed the door. Erin, who was laying with her back to her sister, reaches and grabs Katie's arm, pulling it over her side and tucking it into her little belly. Without opening her eyes, she tilted her head toward her sister and said, “Mom, do you think dad will like us?” Both of them still sleeping, pull each other close and breathe as if they are one.

I closed the door and then leaned against it. Bowing my head and closing my eyes, I prayed. “God, I don't know what to do. I have a chance to be some body, don't let me fuck this up.” Walking back toward the couch, I could hear the bedroom door open and the sound of little bare feet stepping towards the living room. Glancing back at the hallway, I see Erin in her little nightgown rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

Standing there, in her new environment, she looks at me and smiles. “Dad, when is mommy coming home?”

I cried, as I picked her up. Her legs wrapped around my dumpy gut and she nestled her golden head against mine, as I could tell she fell fast asleep. Carrying her over to the couch, I laid down with this angel attached to me. Never have I ever thought that this moment would come. Laying there with her warm breath on my shoulder, I covered us up. No thoughts were running through my head...just a peace that I haven't felt since I laid like this with her as a baby. I felt like this is where I was supposed to be.

Closing my eyes, I heard the bedroom door open up again. Tilting my head towards the door, I saw Katie, walking with her eyes closed and making her way toward the couch. Without opening her eyes, she climbed up and wrapped her arms around me. Two angels; these two majestic angels laying on my chest and stomach, warming both of my shoulders with their hot breath. It is at this point that I realize that if there was a god....he heard my prayer.

Smiling and humming the tune that I hummed to them as babies, I rubbed their golden heads.


**

Waking up on the floor, I groaned as I slowly stood up. My back popping in ways that people go to chiropractors for, I let out a deep breath and drug my feet to the bathroom. As I entered the bathroom, I look at my unshaven face and dumpy build. Ashamed at what I have become, I look at this horrible reflection and promise to get back into shape.

Pulling my shirt down over my gut, I close the door to keep my privacy. As I left the bathroom, I look at the couch, covered with these two angelic girls and head for the computer. I need a job! Browsing around, I could hear the two of them starting to stretch their little bodies and moan. Just like they did when they were babies! I couldn't help but smile, as both of them walked into the kitchen and prepared a bowl of cereal.

“You know, girls, today we have to get you into school.” They both looked at me with their tangled hair and tired faces. Katie smiled in agreement as they finished their cereal. As they finished, the two of them darted toward the room to get dressed. Maybe this won't be so hard. They seem so independent and well behaved. I'm guessing that their mother was a great mom. She was always a good mom from what I remembered.

Arriving at the school had to be such a spectacle for everyone. I was so nervous. I was lost. I walked into the office and told them about my ignorance as one of the teachers came in and started talking to the girls. “Don't worry about a thing, sir. The girls will fit right in and you'll see that there is nothing to be afraid of.” She assured me this with a polite grin and smiling eyes.

I watched the girls walk down the hallway holding the teachers hand as I yelled out instructions to the girls. “Be good! Don't be afraid! Pay attention! I'll be here when school is over! I'll be waiting for you!” I couldn't get out all the important things like “don't talk to strangers, just say no, or stranger danger” before they cut the corner and out of my life for what seems to be forever.

“It's going to be fine.” the voice behind me stated. “Your daughters are going to be fine.” The young lady promised things that I knew she couldn't keep. I'm sure she didn't watch the news. I'm sure she spent her nights cuddled against a stack of papers she was grading and paid no attention to the real world. “So, Mr. Lewis, I'm Miss Thatcher.” She stuck her hand out to shake mine, but all I could do is stare at her with my blank stare. Pointing my finger at her, I squinted my eyes and walked backwards toward the door. Still pointing, I pushed the door open with my butt and made sure she understood me. Smiling, she shook her head and giggled as I slowly turned and walked away. Periodically turning around and still pointing, she waved and closed the door.


Chapter 5

My first day on the new job could have gone better. I got plugged into a cubicle, issued an ID card, my email was set up, and the Marla was nowhere to be found. I made a couple of rounds through the office with this really nice lady that resembled Betty White, just not the really sweet voice that makes insults sound so warming. She reeked of cigarettes and had a voice so low, it rivaled Barry White's Greatest Hits. She was a sweet lady none the less, but she actually introduced me to some of my co-workers as “you know...that guy”. I didn't know if I should be offended or if maybe perhaps it was my resume that preceded me, not the “Marla incident”.

Everyone was very nice. The new office was filled with all of the assorted characters that filled every office. There was the mid-40's black woman who pushed her bright orange painted lips out while filing her nails and constantly rolling her eyes saying “Mmm-hmmm...Oh, girl you know he did! Shoooot.” There was also that really skinny nerdy white chic that hugged her file folders to her chest and hid behind thick wire frame eye glasses. She would scrunch her nose while she talked to you, so she could look through her lenses that made her eyes the size of Golem's from Lord of the Rings. I don't know, but I think that if you take those glasses off of her and do something with her hair, she may be pretty hot...I just don't think I could make it passed her snorting and heavy breathing.

Across the hall was the guy that still high-fived his buddy when he told him about how he “accidentally” bumped into one of the ladies in the elevator. He did this to get her to bend down and pick up the folders and papers that she had dropped. Of course, this was followed by both of them yelling “Score!” as they played their air guitars like Bill & Ted. It's amazing. It's actually like every office has a character profile that some factory pushes out. Generic people that fill the spots vacated by the previous generic people. I used to wonder about what my role in life was and now I know. I'm just the replacement.

I kept walking around the office trying to take in my new surrounds. Well, I could say new, but in reality, it was all the same. The coffee machines, break rooms, fax machines, printers...they were all in the same spots as my last job. It was like a weird dream that usually was a result of going to sleep while watching the Sci-fi channel.

All of them seemed nice. The bosses were very approachable. The co-workers would need some time to get used to me, but it will take me no time to fade into nothing but a chair warming coffee getter.

“Excuse me?” a little shy female voice crept it's way over the adjacent wall of my cubicle.

“Oh...hey! How are you?” I asked her. She was very cute. Her bright green eyes lined with dark mascara squinted as she tilted her head and spoke so softly. Her dark brown hair had blonde highlights that swept across her forehead and layered down to her shoulders. She was very cute, in a punk rocker sort of way. She had to be in her early 20's, but these days it was hard to tell...hell, she could have been 16. I could never tell anymore.

She pointed to my coffee cup and said, “I see you drink coffee.”

This could be a welcomed change! She's asking me if she can get me coffee? I smiled at her and said that I liked my coffee black. I reached for my cup as she quickly and excitedly blurted out, “Me too!! While you are getting your coffee, could you get mine too?” She then tip-toed and reached over