REGRET by Allan Deya (reading list .TXT) 📖

her mother was the opposite of whatever was exciting. She did not want to end up like them. She did not want to be trapped in a life with no life. But as she got older she realized hers was taking pretty much the direction theirs took and she seemed to be helpless to change that. That was then. Now she had a hysterical 10 year old girl who was every bit her own as the woman who had birthed her who loved her and that she doted on and an impulsive husband she was crazy about and whom she was sure adored her. She had her dream job and the best family in the world- funny that before they met she did not even like going to parties.
She met him at a friend’s party, one that she was dragged to about 3 years back. He was standing in the middle of this huge crowd and everyone was gripped by whatever saga he was recounting. “He’s cute.” She remembered one of the girls she was standing with say. “And he has a tight butt … body. I mean in an absolutely health relate way.” Offered another who had introduced herself as a gym instructor and who she was sure had also said she was married. And looking at him was quite something. He captivated even the interest of people who were all the way across the room and had no way whatsoever of hearing his voice. Maybe it was his expansive arm gestures or maybe it was his abrupt movements or maybe it was the way his expression changed with the scenes in his tale. Martha was sure a lot more was said of the dashing young man that had accompanied Miss Ismail to the party. But she couldn’t help but feel that she knew something that other people didn’t. They saw what was on the surface and not what lay underneath. Sure he was handsome and had a beautiful smile and was intriguing, but he was also dead inside. You could see it but only if you looked into his eyes. Whilst everything else changed and shifted with the story his eyes remained the same: lifeless.
She had sought him ought and when she could not ‘accidentally run into him’ at any one of the places where people were sure they usually saw him, she had walked into Miss Ismail’s office and asked for his number. She had smiled knowingly and instead called her son and after a brief catch up handed her the phone. Martha was so shocked her voice stuck in the throat and her mind turned to mush. She would never forget their first conversation; one sided though it was. After he had said “Hallo?” a couple of times with no response, he had proceeded to make them a date. “Hallo?” he had said for the last time. After a spell, he mimicked a female voice “Hi, sorry the cat literally got my tongue.” “Oh so you love cats too?” he’d asked in his own voice. “I’m more of a dog person myself but I love all them little critters the same.” Then he turned back into her. “Exactly, I figure why not have both if you can’t decide on 1, right?” “I don’t know who you are lady, but did my mum put you up to this? Did she tell you exactly what to say to me?” he wanted to know.
“No! Silly, if anything she has made it extremely clear that the one thing you cannot condone are people who are not honest, apparently you feel the same way about liars as I do about politicians.” :”Oh my God.” He had exploded. “I think I might have found my soul mate. But just so I am sure my mum isn’t feeding you lines, why don’t we hook up say…..today evening; its Friday and neither of us is working tomorrow so even if we decide we like each other enough to share a meal and some drinks and then go dancing afterwards to burn the calories off, no one is worse for wear in the morning.” “I’d love to,” his female alter-ego had stammered but “This is a big step for me, you know? 3 dates in 1 night is a lot to ask of a woman.” “So I take it that’s a no?” he asked. “It might be depending on how you answer the following questions: Tea or coffee?”
“Tea for breakfast, chocolate for snacks and coffee for dates.” “Wood or marble?” “Woman, are you out of your marbles, wood would win any day.” “Bruce Lee or Jet Li?” “I’m sorry that is so not a question, how could you possibly compare the lethal poetry of Jet Li’s attacks to the Bruce’s brute power?” “Dinner or a movie?” “What’s wrong with a movie and then dinner?” “Oh my! I am so giddy right now; you could knock me down with a feather. Get this right and I just might marry you. European or Chinese cuisine?” “I’d go with Chinese.” He said. “Because I am sure you would go with European, and it’s no fun me picking from your plate if we are both eating oriental, now is it?” “Pick me up at 5:00pm outside the school with a vicar and two rings; I will bring the 3 witnesses.” She remembered smiling as she put down the phone and laughing all the way back to her classroom. She was giddy all afternoon in anticipation of her date.
In the days to follow she saw the eyes more and more and even though everything seemed to be fine, in fact more than fine she could not let it go. She was not going to sweep it under the rug and pretend like it was okay when something so obviously wasn’t; she would not be her parents. She first asked him 3 months after they started dating and his response was to get up and walk away. He kept away from her for 2 weeks, didn’t call or text her and wouldn’t return her mail or chat messages. When she couldn’t take it anymore she had called to ask Miss Ismail what could have happened to kill someone’s soul that much. “Not one to meddle, she had told her nothing; instead she invited her over to dinner giving her directions as to where to go. “ Martha rang the bell promptly at 8:00am and was answered by the cutest 7 year old girl. “Are you going to be my new mommy.” She had inquired outright. “Honey, who is at the door?” Boomed Vincent’s voice a second before he pulled the door all the way open. After a strained dinner, Miss. Ismail had offered to take Daniella out for ice cream. “Oh for crying out loud, it’s the weekend and don’t worry, if it takes too long she can just sleep over at my place.” She chided when it seemed like he was hesitant.
And that night she heard all about how he had met and fallen in love with Daniella’s mother and how she had chosen to leave them for a life of money. “I don’t blame her.” He had said. “No! no you don’t.” she had concurred but because of her you have shut yourself off from everyone else emotionally.” She had returned. “Almost everyone.” She amended before he had a chance to protest. “The only time you seem to be real to me is when you are with your mother and tonight, with your daughter, is the first time I have actually seen a smile reach your eyes.” He was quiet for a long time and then he got up to go fill up their wine glasses. When he sat back down he had this far away expression on his face and it took quite a while more before he said. “She likes you.” At first she didn’t follow who he was referring to. “My daughter,” he said fully turning to face her. “She likes you, which is saying a lot. I trust her and I have to consider her, so when she does not jive with any woman I bring home and that happens often, I have to walk away.” “Oh!” was all she could say. “This is why I put off introducing you to her for so long.”
“Why?” she had croaked out. “Why she asks! Why? Because I like you… a lot. And I was afraid that she would not accept you and I didn’t know how I would deal with that. Because I love her and after her mother left, it has just been the 2 of us and if it is within my power I will give her what she wants. But I can’t bear to lose you either because you are the best thing that has happened to me in a long time and…” she had put a finger to his lips then and no kiss had ever been as sweet or as savage, as patient or as hungry as the one that had followed. She had not been sure whether she was ready to let herself fall for someone who came with so much baggage, but after he had run through the story of his life; from his earliest memories through his meeting with and subsequent adoption by Miss Ismail to the present day, she just couldn’t help herself. She had been saving herself for marriage all these years but felt that what she had just shared with this man who so completely covered her soul, was more than any vows or golden bands could ever signify. And that was enough for her.
They woke up to the sounds of a child’s laughter and the smell of sizzling bacon. After a harried shower they had both headed downstairs and found Miss Ismail on the stove while Daniella set the table. “Danny, you need to finish up that homework or else you will get a smaller than usual portion of eggs.” Miss Ismail had told her granddaughter. “But that is so unfair gran-gran, I’ve done them all except this last part that is so not supposed to be for my grade.” Maybe it was just the picturesque way they were all standing in that sunlit kitchen or maybe it was the obvious love that was evident between them or maybe it was the fabulous sex she had just woken up from, but she heard her voice ring out, “Here let me help you. You see Math is actually lots of fun…” And just like that they became family.

The end,
She had been parked outside, in the space between the target house and the neighbor’s yard for a while. She was trying to work up the courage to approach the house; and that was the easy part, after she knocked on the door she had no idea what to say to whoever opened it. So far every angle she opted for came back to the same opening, “Hallo, I know you probably don’t know me but I used to be married to one of your workers….the reason you have not seen me before is because I left him years ago in search of a better life…oh no I actually achieved my dream but realized that not only did I love him, I also missed our simple life together…yes that’s why I look like his daughter…would you mind giving us a minute alone?” and being who he was she was sure he had already warmed his way into their hearts; why else would they allow him to move in, with his daughter none the less, to their house in an exclusive suburb?
She wasn’t supposed to feel this way, about either of them! And yet here she was parked outside of her baby daddy’s address. She had moved through life with one ambition and one ambition only- to live rich. When